NaNoWriMo 09 - Internet Romance for Dummies Chapter 3
Yeah so I wanted to have this posted last night but I needed sleep so it wasn't happening. Sorry about that! But this chapter is longer! And uh... probably incredibly disjointed. >_> Sorry about that too.
YAY NANOWRIMO!
This is basically a re-telling of a short story I'd already written where they meet. It doesn't change too many of the details but some are definitely different. It's not like I could just copy and paste it and call it a day, plus I like this one better.
Banner art by house_of_raila.
The point of NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month and therefore the emphasis is on quantity over quality. Critique is discouraged for this reason.
“I’m Frank,” the girl sitting quite casually on Tycho’s blanket said.
“Do what?”
“Frank? You know, from the chat?”
Tycho blinked, shook his head, and then blinked a few more times for good measure. He even tried rubbing his eyes just in case there was some sort of girl shaped film over them that was playing tricks with his mind. But no, every time he looked back there she was. It was on the fourth, or perhaps the fifth time that Tycho got a really good look at the girl who had introduced herself as Frank.
“What are those?” He gestured towards the area where her feet would be if she a normal woman. But Frank was obviously not a normal woman because instead of normal legs and normal feet she had a pair of very long pale legs that ended in what looked like hooves. Upon further inspection, Tycho noticed that she also had very long droopy ears that reminded him a bit of a goat, and… was that a tail? Really everything about her besides her long wavy black hair seemed a little off. Even her eyes looked too black to be normal.
“It’s not obvious?” Frank wiggled her legs a little. “They’re my-“
“Hooves!”
“Yeah… that’s what I was going to say.”
“Except people don’t have hooves, so what are they? Are you one of those weird cosplayers? ‘Cause if so that’s a pretty awesome costume but you still broke into my home!” Tycho pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “I’m calling the cops.”
“Wait, no! Come on Ty, you know me. I’m Frank!”
“Frank is some guy I talk to online. He has nothing better to do than hang out with a bunch of geeks, but I’m pretty sure he’s not some weird furry!”
Frank crossed her arms, obviously aggravated. “Okay, not a guy. I don’t think I ever said I was a guy, you just assumed I was.”
“Your name is Frank!”
“And? It’s not like I named myself.”
“Fine, so you’re a girl named Frank.” Tycho wasn’t sure why he hadn’t actually dialed the police yet. At least it didn’t seem like this woman was going to try and attack him. “That doesn’t explain what’s up with the costume, how you got into my room and why you’re in my room. So explain, please.”
“I will if you give me a minute.” The calm and casual tone had left Frank’s voice completely. “You need to try opening your mind a little bit. I decided to come see you because I thought you would be a little more accepting than you’re acting so far. Right now I think you’re not acting very friendly and I’m kind of wondering if I made a mistake.”
“I’m sorry, I find it kind of hard to pity you when you still broke into my house.”
“I didn’t! You left your computer on and I got in that way.”
Tycho simply stared at the woman who he supposed he had to accept as Frank. “You sound crazier than I did today.”
“That’s because you aren’t listening to me. These-“ She pointed to her legs. “Are not part of a costume. These are my legs. I’ll kick you with them if it’ll make you believe me.”
“No thanks.”
“I figured as much.” Frank took a couple of deep breaths and when she spoke again she sounded much calmer. “My name is Frank. I am an incredibly advanced computer program, specifically an antivirus. I was created to more or less play babysitter to another computer program named O’Malley.”
“And let me guess, O’Malley is a virus?” The disbelief practically dripped from Tycho’s words.
“As a matter of fact yes. Our creator couldn’t stand the thought of getting rid of him so rather than do that he made me and I stop O’Malley from destroying… well pretty much everything. The ability to physically manifest ourselves is part of both of our programs, it’s more or less what makes us so advanced. Unfortunately I had no say over my physical appearance and this is what I got stuck with. Just like I’m at no fault for my name, I’m at no fault for my body either. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t judge me on things I have no say over.”
Tycho slowly sat down in his desk chair, his eyes never leaving Frank’s face. She was a complete bullshit artist, but she was an incredibly good one. Either that or she was crazy and really believed this crap. “Okay…”
“I found you in the chat and you seemed like a nice guy so I decided to talk to you. I never tried to present myself as a man, it was just something you assumed. I was going to ask you yesterday if you were interested in meeting in person, but I chickened out, so I decided to be a little spontaneous and just show up."
"And how did you just show up?"
Frank pointed to Tycho's laptop. "Through there. I already told you that you left your laptop on."
"You live in my laptop."
"No, that would make no sense. I live in the internet."
"You live... in the internet?"
"Yes."
"And you got here through what? My wireless connection?"
"Exactly! I can go anywhere that has a strong enough signal, though of course I don't really go out much given the fact that I don't blend in. Mostly I sit around Matt's house."
Tycho remained silent for several minutes, during which time Frank looked around the room curiously. It was a shame she was crazy because she really was quite attractive.
"Have you ever been institutionalized?" He finally asked. "Because if not, now is probably a pretty good time to start. I can even give you a ride if you want."
"I'm not crazy Tycho. Unless my file gets corrupted or something I don't think I can go crazy."
"Coulda fooled me."
With a loud huff Frank stood up, towering over Tycho in his chair. There was a brief moment of panic where he was afraid that she was going to lunge at him, but thankfully all she did was stand a few feet away.
"It's not a costume," Frank said in a slow, deliberate fashion. As she spoke she turned to the side so that Tycho could get a better view of her massive legs. What he saw was definitely not a human thigh, it was far too big and far too curved.
Tycho searched for a response, his brain not yet believing what was right in front of his eyes. He was really starting to think he preferred the idea that Frank was some guy who wanted to kidnap him. "I've... I've seen Chronicles of Narnia! And those weren't real!"
"Okay, seriously? Seriously? You're reaching with that one."
He was, and he knew it. "It could still be a cost-"
Before he could finish his sentence Frank kicked out one very well muscled leg, hitting Tycho's chair and knocking it backwards. He had not seen that coming.
"Hey! What the hell was that all about?" He picked up the chair and stood in front of Frank as defiantly as possible. Of course given that he was several inches shorter than she was he wasn't nearly as impressive as he would have liked. "That was uncalled for."
"Sorry, but you seemed pretty deep in denial there, so I thought I'd help you out of it. I don't think I would have been able to do that if this was a costume."
"Well sorry if I find all of this a little difficult to believe! I'd like to hold onto my own sanity for as long as possible before I trotting off into your fantasy world."
Frank crossed her arms. "Have you always been this melodramatic?"
"Maybe!" Tycho walked past his uninvited guest and flopped down on his bed. For the first time he got a good view of Frank's tail, which was twitching slightly in what he was sure was annoyance. His costume idea was dying piece by piece. "Okay, so assuming you really are what you say you are and I'm not just dreaming all of this up because I fell asleep behind the wheel and am now dying by the side of the road, how is it that you live in the internet and yet you're pretty damn solid right now?"
“Because this is just my physical representation. I don’t really look like anything in the internet, so obviously I couldn’t remain in that form out here in the human world. I’m not sure anyone would be able to see me, I’d just be… well it’s really hard to explain.”
“I see… If this isn’t what you look like in the internet then why do you look like this here?”
“Because of O’Malley.” Frank decided it would be best if she gave Tycho some space, so instead of returning to the bed she took his previous spot in the chair. “He decided my form because he thought it would be funny or cool or… something. I don’t know, but I consider it to be a rather cruel joke. I’m not entirely comfortable with my physical form if you haven’t guessed.”
He hadn’t, but he hadn’t really thought about it either. “Why don’t you just change it? If you’re a computer program can’t you just reprogram yourself or something?”
“Can your antivirus reprogram itself? I’m a program, not a programmer. If Matt were to decide to reprogram me then I could end up with a different form, but it could also significantly alter who I am. When you get to the point where programs are thinking for themselves they more into the artificial intelligence category and things start to get messy. It becomes more like the idea of messing with someone’s DNA than simply messing with a program’s code.”
Tycho stared at Frank, realizing that he had to come to some sort of conclusion as far as she was concerned. He could continue to think she was crazy and simply believed herself to be this weird creature, going as far as to wear an elaborate costume to live out her fantasy. That really was the choice he was most comfortable with. If he didn’t opt for that route however, he could toss aside all rational thought and believe her. After all, he’d never seen a costume as well put together as Frank’s would have to be. He was damn near positive that anyone wearing false hooves wouldn’t be able to kick as hard as she had, not without hurting themselves or breaking their costume.
“I’m considering believing you,” Tycho said. “But I’m still on the fence.”
“Uh… okay.”
“Well I’m pretty sure you aren’t wearing some really awesome costume, so you’re either some sort of weird creature people don’t know exist or one of your parents was way too close to the livestock if you get my drift. I live in the South so I’m not entirely ready to rule that out either.”
Frank rolled her eyes. “Well I’m so glad you might believe I’m not a liar.”
“Oh, it’s not that you’d be lying. I know by now that you believe what you’re saying. I’m just trying to figure out if you’re for real or just a lunatic. If we go with the livestock theory then it’s very possible that you could be a little off in the head. I really couldn’t blame you for that.”
“You know, you were a lot nicer in text than you are in person,” Frank said as she turned to look anywhere but at Tycho. “Maybe I should have tried visiting Acorn. I doubt I would have had this problem with him.”
“If you didn’t have this problem with someone then they’re most likely so lonely they’re willing to believe anything, in which case they probably aren’t exactly the most interesting person in the world. And I’m pretty sure that I’d be more tolerable than either Acorn or Heero.”
“And so modest too.”
“Hey, you appeared in my bedroom, I’m allowed to be cynical.”
Frank was less than pleased with the attitude but she couldn’t deny that he had a point, so she remained silent. Perhaps if she let Tycho get all of this out of his system then he would be a little less of a grump about her sudden appearance.
“Alright, so you said you’re from the internet, right? But the internet isn’t a place, it’s a thing. And it was made by humans. That’s what’s getting me most right now if I ignore the whole hooves thing. I really don’t see how this is possible.”
“That’s no real surprise, and before you say anything I don’t mean that as an insult. But humans in general are very narcissistic creatures. They tend to believe that they’re the most advanced species on earth, perhaps even in the universe and of course there are those who believe they’re the only advanced race in the universe. But guess what? That’s not true. The internet has been around for a long time, and man had nothing to do with its creation. I can’t say for sure, but it may have been around as long as the earth itself.”
Tycho shook his head. “Bullshit. Everybody knows Al Gore created the internet. ”
“Okay, that’s dumb. Nobody created the internet, especially not Al Gore. Why do you have such a hard time believing that it was already in existence?”
“Because!” Unfortunately that’s where Tycho’s argument ended.
“Look, let me break it down for you. The world is full of different places with different forms of life. Oceans have creatures living in them that exist only in the oceans, some that man probably don’t even know about yet. You don’t deny that do you?”
“No, of course not. But-“
Frank held up her hand to silence him. “You asked me a question, now let me finish. Just like ocean, the internet has creatures that exist only within its boundaries. Think of it as the deepest part of the ocean. You can’t just wander into the deepest part of the ocean, if you tried you would die. But there are things living there because that’s where they’ve always lived. That’s the way the internet is. We live there, we’ve always lived there.”
“Then why is it that humans think they invented it? If it’s been there all along why wasn’t it used all along?”
“Simple. You guys just didn’t know it existed. Once humans figured out it existed then they began to get their hands in our world figuratively speaking. Really the fact that people don’t realize it’s a living breathing - again, figuratively speaking - world is insulting. We’re no less real then fish are, but people have no problem believing fish exist.”
“We’ve seen fish,” Tycho said. His sarcastic tone had vanished, which was something Frank was thankful for. “We can touch fish. Yeah we haven’t seen all of the fish in the deepest part of the ocean, but asking us to believe in living computer programs is a little like asking an adult to believe in the tooth fairy.”
“Which I understand. The problem is that unless we’re in the hands of someone who has the ability to create an advanced program we can’t show ourselves. And even then, if I were to announce my presence to the world I’m pretty sure I’d be locked in a lab somewhere and studied. Which… probably doesn’t make me much different than a fish actually.”
“Not really. You’re hotter than a fish at least.”
Frank blinked and stared at Tycho with an expression that he couldn’t quite read. “Excuse me?”
“I said you’re hotter than a fish. Come on, if you’ve really been talking to me this whole time online you have to expect something like that.”
“Well you went from suggesting I was the mentally insane result of bestiality to calling me attractive, pardon me if I’m still adjusting.” No matter what Frank’s expression or tone said, she was actually quite pleased that Tycho seemed to be coming around. “Though technically I guess you didn’t call me attractive, just more so than a fish. That’s not necessarily saying much.”
“Aw dude, you really are a girl.” Tycho flopped back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. “If you start asking me if your butt looks big I’m going to disconnect my modem.”
Even with the “threat”, Frank couldn’t help but smile. “So you believe me now then?”
“Well what choice do I have? I haven’t seen you disappear or do anything… techy yet, but you’re a half freaking goat. There really isn’t much I can do at this point but believe whatever you say… to a degree. If you said you were the queen of England I wouldn’t believe that. That would just be silly.”
“Well you don’t have to worry about that. I have no reason to lie about what I am.”
"Good, because this is weird enough as it is without you being a pathological liar or anything."
"It's not really that weird if you-"
"No, it's weird. It's damn weird." Tycho rolled his head to one side to look over at Frank. "There's one more thing that's bothering me though. Online last night you made the comment that I was cranky when I didn't get enough sleep. How did you know that?"
"Ah yes... that." Frank stood and walked over to the laptop. "Remember when I said I got through here because you left it on? Well I can get anywhere as long as you have an open connection."
"What do you mean exactly?"
"I mean that uh... I've seen you before."
Tycho quickly sat up. "What?"
"I was curious that's all! People lie about who they are on the internet all the time. Heero is actually just a kid for instance, which probably shouldn't surprise anyone really."
"So I was right! You were stalking me!"
Frank raised an eyebrow. "You thought I was stalking you?"
"And I was right! Okay, I was wrong on the part where you were a guy, but right about the rest of it!" He paused and looked thoughtful for a few seconds. "I was probably wrong about the whole sex slave thing too I guess, so sorry about that."
"The- You know what? I don't want to know." Frank shook her head and sighed deeply. "I'm not stalking you, I just got curious as to whether you really were who you said you were."
Unfortunately, as happened all too often, Tycho was already off on a tangent and paying no attention to what Frank was saying. "I was cyber stalked... by a goat. This is weird. I bet I could make it sound cool though. I could tell people I was stalked by a tall brunette, that wouldn't be lying. A tall brunette with nice-"
"Hey!"
"Eyes! Nice eyes!" Tycho gave Frank the cheesiest and in his mind, most innocent smile he could manage.
Frank rolled her oh so lovely eyes. The true objects of Tycho's consideration remained stationary. "Yeah, I know way more about you than you think buddy. I know all about your fondness for 'nice eyes'. Good try though."
"Okay, that's a little creepy."
"Just be glad I don't tell anyone what I see." Frank grinned and the effect was almost sinister. "I know your brother will be home soon, so I'm going to go for now. See you online."
"I'm closing my laptop tonight!" Before Tycho could even complete the sentence, Frank was gone. There was definitely no denying what she was now. "Aw hell."