Do you know..?
Do you know the feeling of always looking for someone in a crowd, even though you wouldn't know what to do or say if you did see them again? Have you ever spent a day in a familiar place, wishing you could go back in time to when the memories were fresh and bright, instead of soft and faded 'round the edges?
I have. I still do, years upon years later. I find myself doing things in his memory still, every so often. Take a walk late into the evening, and stop at the gas station for a bottle of Dr Pepper before I go all the way home. Take a walk in the pouring rain when it's still warm enough, and smile at the memory of an April shower that we walked in once upon a time.
Back when my castle in the air was all in one piece, before I learned to stop trusting, before I learned to keep my dreams apart from my hopes.
Everywhere I look, there's now two faces I hope and dread to see, two loved ones gone and far away, but not beyond the reachable. Two people I wish I could reach out to, but I wouldn't know what to say or do if I were to find them again.
One I've loved for all my life.
And one I've loved for only a few short years.
A childhood sweetheart and a girl I can never forget.
Two people I'm scared to find again, because I've never known how to react. What do you say to the boy who broke your heart and never even knew? What do you say to the woman whose heart you broke? The ache is never going to fade.
I may promise a someday, someday when it'll stop hurting and maybe we'll be different people. Someday doesn't come.
It never stops hurting. It dulls, it fades until you stop thinking about it every day, until other things are more important than that singular, cherished memory. It fades away, but it never dies. Like an old injury, aching in the cold, it acts up from time to time. A reminder of what you've done.
When I said I wouldn't stop loving you, I meant it.
May you both go in peace, and cherish the good times, and gloss over the bad, and live better lives.. But leave my memories intact. <3
(Cross-posted from this entry on Dreamwidth. There are
comments there, please add your own using OpenID!)
I have. I still do, years upon years later. I find myself doing things in his memory still, every so often. Take a walk late into the evening, and stop at the gas station for a bottle of Dr Pepper before I go all the way home. Take a walk in the pouring rain when it's still warm enough, and smile at the memory of an April shower that we walked in once upon a time.
Back when my castle in the air was all in one piece, before I learned to stop trusting, before I learned to keep my dreams apart from my hopes.
Everywhere I look, there's now two faces I hope and dread to see, two loved ones gone and far away, but not beyond the reachable. Two people I wish I could reach out to, but I wouldn't know what to say or do if I were to find them again.
One I've loved for all my life.
And one I've loved for only a few short years.
A childhood sweetheart and a girl I can never forget.
Two people I'm scared to find again, because I've never known how to react. What do you say to the boy who broke your heart and never even knew? What do you say to the woman whose heart you broke? The ache is never going to fade.
I may promise a someday, someday when it'll stop hurting and maybe we'll be different people. Someday doesn't come.
It never stops hurting. It dulls, it fades until you stop thinking about it every day, until other things are more important than that singular, cherished memory. It fades away, but it never dies. Like an old injury, aching in the cold, it acts up from time to time. A reminder of what you've done.
When I said I wouldn't stop loving you, I meant it.
May you both go in peace, and cherish the good times, and gloss over the bad, and live better lives.. But leave my memories intact. <3
(Cross-posted from this entry on Dreamwidth. There are
comments there, please add your own using OpenID!)