gun dreams
Okay, now i'm back on schedule, this is from July 3rd (today):
jesus i'm spending too much time alone. i like solitary time, but this is getting a bit silly. and i'm not working very much, less than eight hours a day, so i'm back to spending the entire evening not talking to anyone. other than kyle, the five year old next door. shiiit.
i had two weird gun dreams last night. one i was fighting off an evil, possibly soviet, army in a school basement with elementary students. there was a character from the Buddha series i'm reading in it. The next i was at a sleepover at the D'Agostinos and there was some one or something stalking around the house. Martin, Danny, Eddie, Mona, and i were armed to the teeth. i was being really proactive and doing a good job balancing everyone's fears, reservations, and strengths. i had the best gun and was the most confident, but not an ass or a hero. just a good leader. i think it was really about thinking about days when i don't feel like i am the person i want to be. i was watching Serenity the other day and there's this part where the characters are in an abandoned city. things get creepy and one guy starts loosing his cool and this oter guy, by not means the hero of the movie, give his ever reasonable proactive input. and i was watching this and i became upset that i would probably have been the other guy, getting angry and reacting without thought. some days i just feel so far from who i want to be. i guess realistically thoose are just bad days as i often over dramatize where i am actually at. but they do help remind me who i do want to be, and how i can only achieve certain types of progress through an active conscious effort.
jesus i'm spending too much time alone. i like solitary time, but this is getting a bit silly. and i'm not working very much, less than eight hours a day, so i'm back to spending the entire evening not talking to anyone. other than kyle, the five year old next door. shiiit.
i had two weird gun dreams last night. one i was fighting off an evil, possibly soviet, army in a school basement with elementary students. there was a character from the Buddha series i'm reading in it. The next i was at a sleepover at the D'Agostinos and there was some one or something stalking around the house. Martin, Danny, Eddie, Mona, and i were armed to the teeth. i was being really proactive and doing a good job balancing everyone's fears, reservations, and strengths. i had the best gun and was the most confident, but not an ass or a hero. just a good leader. i think it was really about thinking about days when i don't feel like i am the person i want to be. i was watching Serenity the other day and there's this part where the characters are in an abandoned city. things get creepy and one guy starts loosing his cool and this oter guy, by not means the hero of the movie, give his ever reasonable proactive input. and i was watching this and i became upset that i would probably have been the other guy, getting angry and reacting without thought. some days i just feel so far from who i want to be. i guess realistically thoose are just bad days as i often over dramatize where i am actually at. but they do help remind me who i do want to be, and how i can only achieve certain types of progress through an active conscious effort.