Something, Nothing, Everything
Personal rant on something, nothing, everything.
Do you know how much of my future you took part in? You indirectly choose that long path I'm taking right now. You being you convinced me to do what I'm doing without even saying a single word of decision. Because I like you I tried to like your culture to become close to you. However, plot twist, turns out you're Westernized, and I was in a dark hole of eternal captivity, otherwise known as my life. I choose to study this, I choose to aim for a job there, I choose to forever be part of this culture, I choose to someday marry a man like you, if not you.
But this is just unrequited puppy love, I know. I'll eventually forget you, maybe. But this life long path that I choose will always lead back to you as the beginning. I will cherish the fact that you brought me to deciding what I want to do with my life, how I will be spending the rest of my life, where I will be spending the rest of my life. I'll look back and think how foolish I was, am, but right now I'm happy. Every time I feel stressed, worried, sad, I'll just think of you and honestly you make everything better.
But guess what? Right now you are my friend. I don't want to loose you as my friend. I want more, I want you to be my first love, my first everything. Yet I fear if I take an extra step towards you, you'll only take two back. I will never reach you, because I will not only lose you as a chance, I will lose you, a friend. A friend who I know you trust and confide in. I am that someone who listens to you complain about anything and everything. I am the one who will stay up for hours talking to you online. I wish instant messaging does not exist in our time, then we would be the friends who stay up talking on the phone.
Because I would do such a thing for you. I want to be the person in your life that fills that missing piece, the person who holds your hand, holds you while everything is wrong, the one who will be next to you for a long, long time. A time that is endless. You are literally my everything. Everything I do is for you. Or at least it connects back to you. I am putting my academic everything up at risk to learn your language, to become smarter so I can be on par with your knowledge. I don't know if you are blind to what I'm expressing but honestly if you are ignoring every one of my steps forward can you tell me? Show an obvious sign or something? Keep me as a friend, but don't let me drown in these tears that I'm constantly wasting on this hopeless journey. Cliche.
I won't let you go now, maybe in the future. Maybe when I achieve most of the goal that you unknowingly set for me. I'm just so scared I'll lose you for good. I don't want that to happen. You are too precious to me. You make me happy. I just wish you would notice me, take that first step. I'm old fashioned. Maybe you are scared too. Or maybe you only want a friend. I am so, so scared.
"You're my every reason. You're all that I believe in..."
Do you know how much of my future you took part in? You indirectly choose that long path I'm taking right now. You being you convinced me to do what I'm doing without even saying a single word of decision. Because I like you I tried to like your culture to become close to you. However, plot twist, turns out you're Westernized, and I was in a dark hole of eternal captivity, otherwise known as my life. I choose to study this, I choose to aim for a job there, I choose to forever be part of this culture, I choose to someday marry a man like you, if not you.
But this is just unrequited puppy love, I know. I'll eventually forget you, maybe. But this life long path that I choose will always lead back to you as the beginning. I will cherish the fact that you brought me to deciding what I want to do with my life, how I will be spending the rest of my life, where I will be spending the rest of my life. I'll look back and think how foolish I was, am, but right now I'm happy. Every time I feel stressed, worried, sad, I'll just think of you and honestly you make everything better.
But guess what? Right now you are my friend. I don't want to loose you as my friend. I want more, I want you to be my first love, my first everything. Yet I fear if I take an extra step towards you, you'll only take two back. I will never reach you, because I will not only lose you as a chance, I will lose you, a friend. A friend who I know you trust and confide in. I am that someone who listens to you complain about anything and everything. I am the one who will stay up for hours talking to you online. I wish instant messaging does not exist in our time, then we would be the friends who stay up talking on the phone.
Because I would do such a thing for you. I want to be the person in your life that fills that missing piece, the person who holds your hand, holds you while everything is wrong, the one who will be next to you for a long, long time. A time that is endless. You are literally my everything. Everything I do is for you. Or at least it connects back to you. I am putting my academic everything up at risk to learn your language, to become smarter so I can be on par with your knowledge. I don't know if you are blind to what I'm expressing but honestly if you are ignoring every one of my steps forward can you tell me? Show an obvious sign or something? Keep me as a friend, but don't let me drown in these tears that I'm constantly wasting on this hopeless journey. Cliche.
I won't let you go now, maybe in the future. Maybe when I achieve most of the goal that you unknowingly set for me. I'm just so scared I'll lose you for good. I don't want that to happen. You are too precious to me. You make me happy. I just wish you would notice me, take that first step. I'm old fashioned. Maybe you are scared too. Or maybe you only want a friend. I am so, so scared.
"You're my every reason. You're all that I believe in..."