(no subject)
so last night i didnt really feel like updating but i wanted to make sure that my pictures were posted so that srrr didnt have a heart attack. I made a really long and obnoxious post on my xanga but it didnt really do anything for me. i guess the only thing it really did for me was made me realize a lot.
Well yesterday in general made me realize a lot.
I realized that i have the best friends. close and not close. even my friends that i dont talk to often or see that many times are so dear to me. That may sound odd but its true. Chillin with Andrew and Jay yesterday made me really understand that i do love all of my friends. Like I almost cried leaving them because i know that its gonna be a while before i see them again and they are a part of me. They in some way or another make my world go round. They bring a smile to my face and have a piece of my heart.
And then I have my friends who i couldnt bring without and realizin yesterday was the last MsP day till december hurt like a bitch. it didnt hurt as one by one we went on our separate ways. it hurt to stop myself from saying o well i can do that with sr and al next week. no, no you cant little trina b/c there will be no next week. Its weird to think that none of my classes will be with my ladies and its weird to think that i wont see them for my birthday or on halloween. Its weird to think that I wont have those random hugs from sarah or those stupid things al says to hear all the time. Its going to be difficult but im sure that i can get through it. because although we may not be all together....together we have it all.
seeing everyone for the last time the other day was weird. we stood in the parking lot of AMC and just tried to capture the time and put it in a bucket. but it didnt work. it still passed. At parkside, there were many awkward silences as you saw everyones face drift into memories and the future. its hard to understand why everything is happening the way it is, but you just gotta let it play out. its kinda crazy now but im sure that in the end it will all make sense. right?
I also realized how i cant pretend or hold things back anymore. i have to learn how to start saying whats on my mind. like i should have called john before he left just to say goodbye because who knows if ill ever even speak to him again and the last words we spoke were not friendly and i dont wanna leave that on my conscience. Maybe ill call him. Maybe I wont. its one of those things that you have to wait out. so ill wait. Just like i always do. I sometimes wonder what things would have been like if i didnt stop myself and i wasnt so hung over someone else. Jay knows that i had a thing for him and i was thinking last night. would things have been different if i did say something? its one of those what ifs that i'll never really know. but im not upset with the way things are so i guess it doesnt matter. Hes a great friend and im cool with that :]
never thought id say this but i miss work. not really the work but my peoples from the chicken shack. laura, jlo, ginny, matt, chris, and the peruivans. I love them all and they are my friends of the summer of 04 because i spent more time with them then i did in my own house. inside of work and out. Thank you Laura and Ginny for the present. I retired well. Thanks Laura for the party. I felt loved. And I will be back to come stay in your apartment. you better believe that!! hahaha.
my sister wrote me this letter last night. it made me cry. through everything above i didnt cry. i didnt shed even one tear or even pretend. but when i read this letter i just melted. it talked about how she thinks college is stupid because its taking away the Nani to her Lilo and how she understands its for career advancement but she doesnt care. She doesnt want me to leave. She talked about how our brother left and so did her best friend Sam and now im doing the same thing. she said she doesnt want to see me just at holidays. she wants to see me everyday. I dotn know what to say to her. I havent told her i found it. im not sure how to go about that.
My aunt is comin over tonight to say goodbye. should be eventful yet i dotn really know what im suppose to say or do. im not good at goodbyes. hopeful it wont be bad.
other random and exciting things. i got yet another hole in my ear which now totals up to 8. andre is being a prick. i rearranged my room around. i am almost completely packed for college. i have gotten like no sleep since friday. i am sicker then a fricken dog. lol. im outs.
Well yesterday in general made me realize a lot.
I realized that i have the best friends. close and not close. even my friends that i dont talk to often or see that many times are so dear to me. That may sound odd but its true. Chillin with Andrew and Jay yesterday made me really understand that i do love all of my friends. Like I almost cried leaving them because i know that its gonna be a while before i see them again and they are a part of me. They in some way or another make my world go round. They bring a smile to my face and have a piece of my heart.
And then I have my friends who i couldnt bring without and realizin yesterday was the last MsP day till december hurt like a bitch. it didnt hurt as one by one we went on our separate ways. it hurt to stop myself from saying o well i can do that with sr and al next week. no, no you cant little trina b/c there will be no next week. Its weird to think that none of my classes will be with my ladies and its weird to think that i wont see them for my birthday or on halloween. Its weird to think that I wont have those random hugs from sarah or those stupid things al says to hear all the time. Its going to be difficult but im sure that i can get through it. because although we may not be all together....together we have it all.
seeing everyone for the last time the other day was weird. we stood in the parking lot of AMC and just tried to capture the time and put it in a bucket. but it didnt work. it still passed. At parkside, there were many awkward silences as you saw everyones face drift into memories and the future. its hard to understand why everything is happening the way it is, but you just gotta let it play out. its kinda crazy now but im sure that in the end it will all make sense. right?
I also realized how i cant pretend or hold things back anymore. i have to learn how to start saying whats on my mind. like i should have called john before he left just to say goodbye because who knows if ill ever even speak to him again and the last words we spoke were not friendly and i dont wanna leave that on my conscience. Maybe ill call him. Maybe I wont. its one of those things that you have to wait out. so ill wait. Just like i always do. I sometimes wonder what things would have been like if i didnt stop myself and i wasnt so hung over someone else. Jay knows that i had a thing for him and i was thinking last night. would things have been different if i did say something? its one of those what ifs that i'll never really know. but im not upset with the way things are so i guess it doesnt matter. Hes a great friend and im cool with that :]
never thought id say this but i miss work. not really the work but my peoples from the chicken shack. laura, jlo, ginny, matt, chris, and the peruivans. I love them all and they are my friends of the summer of 04 because i spent more time with them then i did in my own house. inside of work and out. Thank you Laura and Ginny for the present. I retired well. Thanks Laura for the party. I felt loved. And I will be back to come stay in your apartment. you better believe that!! hahaha.
my sister wrote me this letter last night. it made me cry. through everything above i didnt cry. i didnt shed even one tear or even pretend. but when i read this letter i just melted. it talked about how she thinks college is stupid because its taking away the Nani to her Lilo and how she understands its for career advancement but she doesnt care. She doesnt want me to leave. She talked about how our brother left and so did her best friend Sam and now im doing the same thing. she said she doesnt want to see me just at holidays. she wants to see me everyday. I dotn know what to say to her. I havent told her i found it. im not sure how to go about that.
My aunt is comin over tonight to say goodbye. should be eventful yet i dotn really know what im suppose to say or do. im not good at goodbyes. hopeful it wont be bad.
other random and exciting things. i got yet another hole in my ear which now totals up to 8. andre is being a prick. i rearranged my room around. i am almost completely packed for college. i have gotten like no sleep since friday. i am sicker then a fricken dog. lol. im outs.