ouch.
what i have learned this week.
boys are assholes.
most girls are horrible friends.
when you do find those girls that aren't horrible friends,
they will pick boys over you because they are dumb.
they will proceed to try to make friends with you again
when the boys leave them.
boys leave them because they are assholes.
it's a vicous cycle.
people are selfish and very inconsiderate.
the problem: i try to fix that.
this week i've realized when people ask for help
they don't mean it.
when you try to help people
they get mad.
i know people need friends in life to survive,
to help them through life.
i just lost 3 friends this week.
one chose a boy over me, for the second time.
one is a longtime friend and once a crush that i realized is completely
immature and only cares about himself.
one is someone i completely and unconditionally loved inside and out for a year,
only to realize that he is an inconsiderate asshole who selfishly enjoyed using me.
the problem: i still want to go back and try to befriend each one of them. i want to always be there for them.
all three of them can be complete assholes yet i love all of them to death.
do i tell her it's okay, ignore it and go back to being best friends?
do i tell him i can accept that he is a selfish jerk and still hang out with him?
do i tell him that even though he has treated me like complete shit,
i am still willing to try to make things better?
i am completely exhausted.
i am SO tired of dealing with all of this.
i tried to put it aside for so long,
and now it has come back 3-fold.
i try to be a really good friend. i try to be the sweetest most caring, honest, appreciative, etc. person i can be.
but i now realize that this isn't going to get me anywhere.
but neither will being a total bitch.
where's the middle ground?
where can i find people who will appreciate me.
who will love me for me.
i thought that all 3 of those people embodied those characteristics
the problem: they don't.