This is such a fucking mess.
Well since everyone is asking I guess I should explain myself a little more.
Me and Q have been dateing for over a year and a half.. Our relationship has had its ups and downs. We have had some really bad times that were my fault and some bad times that were his fault. It hasnt been perfect, but its been worth it.
Recently I have had alot of doubts about everything. Not about our relationship really at all.
About where I am in life. Like am I too young to be this serious? Should I live on my own? Should I be so commited? All those thoughts have ran through my head these past weeks. And I didnt want to hide those feelings from Quartez. I feel like I shouldnt hide anything. So I talked to him about ALOT of things, but it was only me thinking and talking. I didnt take any actions.
Yes I want to live on campus next year just because of the simple fact that I feel like I will be able to do better in school if I do, and maybe actually make some more friends which I really need more than ever right now.
I guess thats why he is coming to the decision he has to make. Yesterday morning out of nowhere he said that he wanted to be "seperated" for awhile. To me thats broken up...
It made me go crazy, because he always hides how he feels he wont express how he feels. So I didnt think he felt this way AT ALL.
Im not mad at him, I understand this is what he wants and I respect that
Its just so hard for me. It just puts more stress on me than I already have. I feel so down.
I feel like hes not showing any emotion at all. It just hurts soo bad.
I guess there is hope in all this.
I have realized in the past few weeks, that I can be by MYSELF and be happy. I dont have to have a partner to be happy.
I can be happy by myself, I just dont know how long its going to take me to get over this.
I guess it was eventually going to happen. I was just to naive and blind to see that?
So I guess we have to live together until July and act like everythings ok? I dont think I can hide my emotions like he does so well.
Maybe alot of time at my aunts house? I dont know whats going to happen.