I'm alone for real in my mind..
I don't even know where to begin, I keep restarting this journal entry..
I know I have alot of growing up to do, and I need to face reality. Most of the time shit just dosen't work out. I just wish it would.
Its been over 3 weeks since Quartez broke up with me, and I would be lying to say that I have gotten over it.. It's on my mind everyday.. But in my heart I know its over. Yes I love him, I will always love him but I know its over.
Yes I moved to fast to even be talking to someone.. But the thing is with me I want to find love.. Thats what I want.. I want someone to love me.. I guess its a fault I have.. I want someone to be with..
If you have been keeping up with my journal you have read about this guy that I met named Demo. I knew it was fast.. Way to fast.. But I felt something with him.. and I really thought this could really work out.. Atleast try.. Just go with whatever happens.
I guess I was kind of wrong. Today made me realize that.. I guess I will summarize it as good as I can.
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Turns out hes the most cold hearted person I have ever meet in my life. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel how he made me feel today.
God, I need someone to hold me right now
Me and Demo havent really gotten to hang out in a week, because hes been busy and his car broke down for awhile and he got it fixed on sat..
Well for a whole week ive just been thinking about how I cant wait to see him on monday and be with him.
I went to work this morning.. and when I got off I called him and we met up.. He had to work at 3, so he was going to pick me up at 6 again after he got off work and I was going to stay the night..
But when we met up he seemed really stressed and down.. I tried to cheer him up.. But he didn't really say anything at all and said he was just stressed about school.. So we decided to go eat out or whatever.. When we were there he still didnt say anything... The whole time he just looked so evil.. I tried to talk to him but he just gave me mean looks.. I tried to kick his foot and play.. and hes like your getting my white shoes dirty... I asked him why are you being so mean to me? He just YELLED Im not being mean god... I understand people have bad days but u guys noone has ever been so I dont even know how to put it.. and it wasnt just today that hes been like dat. On the way back I had no idea where we were going, and he didnt tell me.. We both just sat there silent.. the whole way back I just felt like crying, but I had to hold it in... I was hoping he would alteast say something to me.. Ask me why I seem upset.. Tell me hes sorry for being so mean.. SOMETHING.. but nothing.. So finally we drove PAST where I live (like after 10 mins of silence) so I finally said something and im like where are we going and hes like im just driving around im like just let me get out here because you havent said anything this whole time we have been hanging out and you are really being mean and hurting my feelings.. still didnt say nothing.. Hes like well atleast let me drive around and drop you off so you dont have to walk.. WTF... why would u say that after what I just said? Why wouldnt u actually have a REAL response.. something.. What is wrong with this dude?
When I got out the car still nothing was said..no goodbye.. nothing.. When I came in I just let it all out.. I guess I was just hoping that this guy really liked me.
So ofcourse like I always am.. I tried to call him.. Message him also.. Because I felt everything was left hanging.. I knew he wouldnt call, I would have to call. Well no answer.. Finally later on he messaged me back a few times... only because I messaged him..
The thing is I dont think he knew how he made me feel today... its 10 oclock.. Since 2 this afternoon I have just been sitting in the house hoping he would call and still want me to stay allnight with him and maybe we could talk about it.. Well around 8 he messaged me and said you can still come over but I have to study... I messaged back later "Ok I want to stay wit chu tonight and im sorry you had a bad day demo"... Then I get a response "well im going to stay allnight with such and such and were going to study more"...
Ok, that right there just made me realize there is no possible way this would work out with this guy.. I was thinking why are you putting yourself through this? So I just messaged him back and told him it was over (well it never really started I guess..) I had to force myself to do it.. Because I wanted to just say "ok" and just put up with it again.. But I know that there is no possible way Im going to put myself through a emotional rollercoaster everyday like I have been with this guy.
I think I did the right thing though, If he really cared in the first place he would have tried to talk to me about it...
Its depressing to even think about that... What I thought could happen isnt going to happen at all with him..
For awhile I didnt feel like it would work out with this guy.. One min he seems so nice, and the next (which is more often than being nice) hes just like not there.. Everytime I have hanged out with him (exclu the first time) hes just not really been there.. Do you know what I mean.. Dosent talk.. nothing.. Just cold distant..
One min hes nice, but he has a evil side... Q's friends from the crab shack that barely even know him I guess put it best... sigh
I try to understand people.. AND I really am a understanding person.. But Im not putting myself through this
Because if someone treats you like that more than once, thats not just a bad day..
When everything was looking up, I fall again I guess.
How many times can I keep trying tell I give up
Stupid Chris
I know I have alot of growing up to do, and I need to face reality. Most of the time shit just dosen't work out. I just wish it would.
Its been over 3 weeks since Quartez broke up with me, and I would be lying to say that I have gotten over it.. It's on my mind everyday.. But in my heart I know its over. Yes I love him, I will always love him but I know its over.
Yes I moved to fast to even be talking to someone.. But the thing is with me I want to find love.. Thats what I want.. I want someone to love me.. I guess its a fault I have.. I want someone to be with..
If you have been keeping up with my journal you have read about this guy that I met named Demo. I knew it was fast.. Way to fast.. But I felt something with him.. and I really thought this could really work out.. Atleast try.. Just go with whatever happens.
I guess I was kind of wrong. Today made me realize that.. I guess I will summarize it as good as I can.
-------
Turns out hes the most cold hearted person I have ever meet in my life. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel how he made me feel today.
God, I need someone to hold me right now
Me and Demo havent really gotten to hang out in a week, because hes been busy and his car broke down for awhile and he got it fixed on sat..
Well for a whole week ive just been thinking about how I cant wait to see him on monday and be with him.
I went to work this morning.. and when I got off I called him and we met up.. He had to work at 3, so he was going to pick me up at 6 again after he got off work and I was going to stay the night..
But when we met up he seemed really stressed and down.. I tried to cheer him up.. But he didn't really say anything at all and said he was just stressed about school.. So we decided to go eat out or whatever.. When we were there he still didnt say anything... The whole time he just looked so evil.. I tried to talk to him but he just gave me mean looks.. I tried to kick his foot and play.. and hes like your getting my white shoes dirty... I asked him why are you being so mean to me? He just YELLED Im not being mean god... I understand people have bad days but u guys noone has ever been so I dont even know how to put it.. and it wasnt just today that hes been like dat. On the way back I had no idea where we were going, and he didnt tell me.. We both just sat there silent.. the whole way back I just felt like crying, but I had to hold it in... I was hoping he would alteast say something to me.. Ask me why I seem upset.. Tell me hes sorry for being so mean.. SOMETHING.. but nothing.. So finally we drove PAST where I live (like after 10 mins of silence) so I finally said something and im like where are we going and hes like im just driving around im like just let me get out here because you havent said anything this whole time we have been hanging out and you are really being mean and hurting my feelings.. still didnt say nothing.. Hes like well atleast let me drive around and drop you off so you dont have to walk.. WTF... why would u say that after what I just said? Why wouldnt u actually have a REAL response.. something.. What is wrong with this dude?
When I got out the car still nothing was said..no goodbye.. nothing.. When I came in I just let it all out.. I guess I was just hoping that this guy really liked me.
So ofcourse like I always am.. I tried to call him.. Message him also.. Because I felt everything was left hanging.. I knew he wouldnt call, I would have to call. Well no answer.. Finally later on he messaged me back a few times... only because I messaged him..
The thing is I dont think he knew how he made me feel today... its 10 oclock.. Since 2 this afternoon I have just been sitting in the house hoping he would call and still want me to stay allnight with him and maybe we could talk about it.. Well around 8 he messaged me and said you can still come over but I have to study... I messaged back later "Ok I want to stay wit chu tonight and im sorry you had a bad day demo"... Then I get a response "well im going to stay allnight with such and such and were going to study more"...
Ok, that right there just made me realize there is no possible way this would work out with this guy.. I was thinking why are you putting yourself through this? So I just messaged him back and told him it was over (well it never really started I guess..) I had to force myself to do it.. Because I wanted to just say "ok" and just put up with it again.. But I know that there is no possible way Im going to put myself through a emotional rollercoaster everyday like I have been with this guy.
I think I did the right thing though, If he really cared in the first place he would have tried to talk to me about it...
Its depressing to even think about that... What I thought could happen isnt going to happen at all with him..
For awhile I didnt feel like it would work out with this guy.. One min he seems so nice, and the next (which is more often than being nice) hes just like not there.. Everytime I have hanged out with him (exclu the first time) hes just not really been there.. Do you know what I mean.. Dosent talk.. nothing.. Just cold distant..
One min hes nice, but he has a evil side... Q's friends from the crab shack that barely even know him I guess put it best... sigh
I try to understand people.. AND I really am a understanding person.. But Im not putting myself through this
Because if someone treats you like that more than once, thats not just a bad day..
When everything was looking up, I fall again I guess.
How many times can I keep trying tell I give up
Stupid Chris