Day 43
I've been struggling lately with eating at night. Every night, from 8pm onwards, I seriously crave porridge with banana mushed in. It is the most delicious thing ever (and also my breakfast!). Come eight 'o' clock, I want one. Half eight, want. Nine, want. Half ten. Want. The last two nights I've abstained and it's made me feel proud. In the morning, I don't remember how I'd wanted one. It's forgotten, like it never happened. What I said in my last entry is true; when you look back at the stuff you didn't eat, you just don't remember it.
A bowl of porridge with a banana is 270 calories. That's an extra 1890 a week that I could eat only because I wanted something tasty that wasn't necessary. That's over half a pound. Thinking about it that way is going to keep me honest, I think! As long as I now lose an extra half pound a week... I've got my eye on you, scale! :P
Poland in a week and a bit. I'm going with a friend who is also very diet and exercise conscious, but she's also really, I dunno, comparative. I was on the phone to her yesterday and told her what my diet is like and she criticised me a lot because I don't eat bread or pasta, and how cold turkey I am. I said I missed Pizza Hut a little and she did the whole 'one slice of pizza isn't going to kill you' thing. I know this. I've said it to others - but I prefer to go all or nothing with this. I don't want to have occasional pizza. I want nothing but healthy food. I told her I feel great and prefer to do things my own way but urgh. Poland might be stressful in this respect. She came over for a bit to talk about the holiday with my parents. My mum asked if we were taking our running shoes and I said yes and my friend looked at me like I was mental and said "it's a holiday!" That, too, I know. But running makes me happy, it makes me feel good, and I'd love to say I've gone running in Poland. She wouldn't drop it for a little while. I said running isn't a chore to me, it's something I really enjoy. I don't understand why going on holiday equates to bad diet and exercise for some people. I know when I'm there I'm going to take advantage of the cheap beer and be a little more lax with my eating, but not only do I feel that being elsewhere is no excuse to let go, I don't WANT to!
She's also the type of person who doesn't really let you speak without cutting in with her own opinions. She's awesome but I wish I didn't feel like this is going to be a hassle. I know she's going to see what I do and resent me because she'll compare me with herself. I support her fully with what she does. I don't care if she prefers to have treats and so on. She's still in great shape and really healthy. I don't care if others eat junk and drink a lot if they want to - so why do they have to care that I don't??
Sorry. It's just... it's frustrating and it makes me feel bad. I don't like it when people have a problem with something *I* am doing that doesn't even make a difference to them.
Which is something another friend has done to me, but he's an ass. Judgemental pri- okay I'll stop writing there! Thanks for reading, if you did.
A bowl of porridge with a banana is 270 calories. That's an extra 1890 a week that I could eat only because I wanted something tasty that wasn't necessary. That's over half a pound. Thinking about it that way is going to keep me honest, I think! As long as I now lose an extra half pound a week... I've got my eye on you, scale! :P
Poland in a week and a bit. I'm going with a friend who is also very diet and exercise conscious, but she's also really, I dunno, comparative. I was on the phone to her yesterday and told her what my diet is like and she criticised me a lot because I don't eat bread or pasta, and how cold turkey I am. I said I missed Pizza Hut a little and she did the whole 'one slice of pizza isn't going to kill you' thing. I know this. I've said it to others - but I prefer to go all or nothing with this. I don't want to have occasional pizza. I want nothing but healthy food. I told her I feel great and prefer to do things my own way but urgh. Poland might be stressful in this respect. She came over for a bit to talk about the holiday with my parents. My mum asked if we were taking our running shoes and I said yes and my friend looked at me like I was mental and said "it's a holiday!" That, too, I know. But running makes me happy, it makes me feel good, and I'd love to say I've gone running in Poland. She wouldn't drop it for a little while. I said running isn't a chore to me, it's something I really enjoy. I don't understand why going on holiday equates to bad diet and exercise for some people. I know when I'm there I'm going to take advantage of the cheap beer and be a little more lax with my eating, but not only do I feel that being elsewhere is no excuse to let go, I don't WANT to!
She's also the type of person who doesn't really let you speak without cutting in with her own opinions. She's awesome but I wish I didn't feel like this is going to be a hassle. I know she's going to see what I do and resent me because she'll compare me with herself. I support her fully with what she does. I don't care if she prefers to have treats and so on. She's still in great shape and really healthy. I don't care if others eat junk and drink a lot if they want to - so why do they have to care that I don't??
Sorry. It's just... it's frustrating and it makes me feel bad. I don't like it when people have a problem with something *I* am doing that doesn't even make a difference to them.
Which is something another friend has done to me, but he's an ass. Judgemental pri- okay I'll stop writing there! Thanks for reading, if you did.