eighteen; life is not dandy

[onlyapparate]

[Filtered to Kallen;]
Kallen, I... Are you alright? You left in such a hurry that I... Did I do something wrong?
[/Filter]

Raphael's demeanor has improved a bit. I think it has to do with the fact that I've so far protected him from Anna. I don't know what that says about me, of course, protecting Castiel's killer from what sounds like the only

Comments

filtered; reply three days later (I SWEAR I WILL STOP EDITING THIS)

[zealotringly]

[Thobari, be sure to thank Kate for this. She convinced her to talk to you because Kallen wasn't planning on to until WEEKS later... or whenever she felt like it.]

Now, I am. [Fine she means. Sorry Thobari, you're talking to MISS INDEPENDENT, not cute!girlfriend.]

It's hard for me to believe that you don't know what you did.

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

I... No, you're right. I didn't realize what I was doing, and I...

I never meant to offend you. It was a weak moment for me, and I have no excuse for it.

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Am I... supposed to just accept your apology?

Re: filtered;

[onlyapparate]

No, it hurts, but I'd understand if you didn't. What I did was wrong. Just... hurting you wasn't my intention.

[ cue beating himself up. all Thobari can think is 'I wasn't strong enough for you, obviously.' ]

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Thobari, I trusted you. You were different and then--

If you didn't want to be with me, you could have just said so. If my age was really that big of a deal to you...

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

No. No, it's not that. I do want to be with you. Age has nothing to do with it.

I just... I was weak and that weakness hurt you. I can't apologize enough; even if I didn't mean what I did.

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Are you saying what you did was unintentional? Despite for long you were staring?

Re: filtered;

[onlyapparate]

Yes, unfortunately. I forgot myself. I forgot you.

It was stupid. Pointless. I spaced out and there's no excuse for it.

I'm sorry.

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Thobari, you spent a lot of time with my mother. Did she tell you why I don't trust men?

Re: filtered;

[onlyapparate]

She... didn't tell me explicitly but...

I know. It meant nothing to me, but it meant the world to you. I knew that, and that's why it's unforgivable. I'm sorry.

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Then let me tell you.

My father cheated on my mother while they were still together. He divorced her and then married the woman who is my step mother. You know what he did?

He looked at another woman in my mother's presence, just like you.

Don't apologize anymore. I've already heard it. Point is, you knew and you still did it.

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

[ drawn out siiiiigh. ]

I know now, in retrospect. At the time, I wasn't thinking.

That's all I can apologize for, Kallen. I made a mistake.

Just know that I wouldn't do that, Kallen. Things like that, that kind of betrayal... Something like that does nothing but hurt and take defile everything that love stands for. It's inexcusable.

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Once you've started, you don't stop. [She doesn't mean YOU as in Thobari, but a collective you as in all males.]

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

That isn't always true. People can change, Kallen.

filtered;

[zealotringly]

Then prove it.

filtered;

[onlyapparate]

I've already changed, Kallen. [ You should have seen him in highschool, man. ]

What you saw was a lapse in judgement, it wasn't who I am.