(no subject)
shall i even question what's been going on in my life.
i can't deny what's happened.
i can't turn back time. but oh how i wish i can go back to the days where i was happy. if there ever was a day.
how about back to the days before life got hard.
and all i can think about, as i sit here (in class, supposed to be doing work), is all the little things that has made me into the person i am now.
and all i can do is get mad at everything.
wonder why it had to be me.
wonder why i had to be the one to make that call.
why i had to sit there, crying, while he tried to assure me that he loved us.
why i had to sit there and watch everything that he put them through.
why he's "sick" and i just need to "get my life together"
why you can't just be happy for me.
why i was silly for crying.
why i just don't care anymore.
and why now, everything just seems to come back.
and it makes me think, as inaccurate as this thought is, that i've been screwed over.
and now...to make up...i'm screwing myself over.
what the heck????????
most of all, it sucks to know that no one will ever really understand me.
i will continue to frustrate people.
i will continue to disappoint people.
i will continue to frustrate and disappoint myself.
i will continue to wonder if the people who are supposed to love me the most will end up giving up on me.
seems like in time, that's the only thing that will be left to do.
and because of that i will continue to hold you at a distance.
it makes it easier when the inevitable happens.
i have to get used to being alone.
i don't know how i became so messed up.............
i can't deny what's happened.
i can't turn back time. but oh how i wish i can go back to the days where i was happy. if there ever was a day.
how about back to the days before life got hard.
and all i can think about, as i sit here (in class, supposed to be doing work), is all the little things that has made me into the person i am now.
and all i can do is get mad at everything.
wonder why it had to be me.
wonder why i had to be the one to make that call.
why i had to sit there, crying, while he tried to assure me that he loved us.
why i had to sit there and watch everything that he put them through.
why he's "sick" and i just need to "get my life together"
why you can't just be happy for me.
why i was silly for crying.
why i just don't care anymore.
and why now, everything just seems to come back.
and it makes me think, as inaccurate as this thought is, that i've been screwed over.
and now...to make up...i'm screwing myself over.
what the heck????????
most of all, it sucks to know that no one will ever really understand me.
i will continue to frustrate people.
i will continue to disappoint people.
i will continue to frustrate and disappoint myself.
i will continue to wonder if the people who are supposed to love me the most will end up giving up on me.
seems like in time, that's the only thing that will be left to do.
and because of that i will continue to hold you at a distance.
it makes it easier when the inevitable happens.
i have to get used to being alone.
i don't know how i became so messed up.............