stalk the ground.
i wonder if my dad ever goes inside his office, and says to himself, 'this is all i'll ever be' i had hoped he didn't, but i have a sneaking suspision that sometimes he does. i think about it a lot and when i want to ask him, i back away, b/c i know what he'll say...i kno he'll make every word intricately woven like a really good book would be written, he'd tell me in such a way that keeps me interested, enthralled and wide-eyed, but i don't...b/c i already know what he would say, and if i brought it up, even if he didn't think that, he'd think it now and maybe end up just as sad as i would imagine a man would be telling himself that.
i know that he wouldn't wish his kids to think that of themselves either, although, my first two brothers already do. they're happy working w/ my father i guess. i look up to them and see that they could be so much more. i look at my dad and think about how he was in high school, i imagine he was like me, only shy, skinny, w/ longer, natural blonde hair.
i know he followed the trends of the not trendy. a hippy. i bet he read books and wrote stories w/out telling anyone, i bet he had a group of friends he'd smoke w/ outside of school and laugh about stupid stuff when he was thinking so much more.
he told me he used to knit, and he told me his greatest moment was when he was in a band, and they set up and played for his entire class on the last day of school. he was a rebel. rebeling against his catholic parents and catholic faith.
i wish i could've grown up w/ him, seeing him walk the halls and listen to him talk about psycological stuff he full heartedly believed in. i look at him now, and i see a boy who had so much going for him, but he thought so little of himself to be what he wanted. and now he goes to work after dropping off his snot-nosed daughter to await a bunch of roofers asking him what to do. i guess i just feel sorry for him, b/c i wish i coulda been there to tell him he could be something more, b/c i see that potential.
i wonder why he put away all his thoughts and imagination and creativity and knowledge and curiousity away. it seems like he wasted such an interesting person. now all he does is work and talk about god. it kind of gives me a bad out look on religion and growing old because i know that he had so many thoughts and admirations and ideas, that he just put to waste to talk about two things.
i wonder if you just come to an age where you stop trying to be something different and stick w/ routine.
it seems all of us are trying to find ourselves in different ways, even though we're all the same. we look for that void in ourselves. we have something in us that tells us to keep searching. and i feel sorry for the people that weren't inspired to be who they had potential for.
i know that he wouldn't wish his kids to think that of themselves either, although, my first two brothers already do. they're happy working w/ my father i guess. i look up to them and see that they could be so much more. i look at my dad and think about how he was in high school, i imagine he was like me, only shy, skinny, w/ longer, natural blonde hair.
i know he followed the trends of the not trendy. a hippy. i bet he read books and wrote stories w/out telling anyone, i bet he had a group of friends he'd smoke w/ outside of school and laugh about stupid stuff when he was thinking so much more.
he told me he used to knit, and he told me his greatest moment was when he was in a band, and they set up and played for his entire class on the last day of school. he was a rebel. rebeling against his catholic parents and catholic faith.
i wish i could've grown up w/ him, seeing him walk the halls and listen to him talk about psycological stuff he full heartedly believed in. i look at him now, and i see a boy who had so much going for him, but he thought so little of himself to be what he wanted. and now he goes to work after dropping off his snot-nosed daughter to await a bunch of roofers asking him what to do. i guess i just feel sorry for him, b/c i wish i coulda been there to tell him he could be something more, b/c i see that potential.
i wonder why he put away all his thoughts and imagination and creativity and knowledge and curiousity away. it seems like he wasted such an interesting person. now all he does is work and talk about god. it kind of gives me a bad out look on religion and growing old because i know that he had so many thoughts and admirations and ideas, that he just put to waste to talk about two things.
i wonder if you just come to an age where you stop trying to be something different and stick w/ routine.
it seems all of us are trying to find ourselves in different ways, even though we're all the same. we look for that void in ourselves. we have something in us that tells us to keep searching. and i feel sorry for the people that weren't inspired to be who they had potential for.