(no subject)
it seems i only write in here when things are going bad...does anyone even read this anymore?
things are...unmanageable, difficult, strange, confusing.
i have yet to digest everything that is going on right now, maybe because i am waiting for something else to happen to somewhat out-weigh the pain. maybe because i don't know how to digest this. too much too fast. my head is so cloudy right now...i can't find the urge to believe that this could be a good thing. i want to do so much yet so little at the same time.
everything was going good...why did it all have to end so quickly, let alone on the same day?! the only way i know how to deal with all of this right now it so talk, cry, talk, cry...i suppose it is good that i am talking about it, but is that even helping? my flight senses are kicking in right now. i feel the need to take off, escape all of this so this pain will go away. but let's be honest, the pain will remain, it will just be hidden away only to come out soon enough and i will have to deal with it again. what did i do wrong? the pain in unbearable.
i just want to remember what it felt like to wake up and be happy.
time will tell, the cloudiness will go away, my heart will heal, the security will come back, i know all of this...but i can't manage. it has been so long since i have felt this pain that i can't remember how i dealt with it the last time.
..............................................
things are...unmanageable, difficult, strange, confusing.
i have yet to digest everything that is going on right now, maybe because i am waiting for something else to happen to somewhat out-weigh the pain. maybe because i don't know how to digest this. too much too fast. my head is so cloudy right now...i can't find the urge to believe that this could be a good thing. i want to do so much yet so little at the same time.
everything was going good...why did it all have to end so quickly, let alone on the same day?! the only way i know how to deal with all of this right now it so talk, cry, talk, cry...i suppose it is good that i am talking about it, but is that even helping? my flight senses are kicking in right now. i feel the need to take off, escape all of this so this pain will go away. but let's be honest, the pain will remain, it will just be hidden away only to come out soon enough and i will have to deal with it again. what did i do wrong? the pain in unbearable.
i just want to remember what it felt like to wake up and be happy.
time will tell, the cloudiness will go away, my heart will heal, the security will come back, i know all of this...but i can't manage. it has been so long since i have felt this pain that i can't remember how i dealt with it the last time.
..............................................