Til Death Do Us Part
Sometimes, when I'm really bored, I start looking at random things online. Tonight, I decided to explore LJ. I figured I'd look at other people's LJs, so I went to my friends. Somehow, I had completely forgotten that Andrew once had an LJ. Well, it's still there, but obviously he hasn't updated in forever. But I read it.
I guess I forgot how in love we were. Because we really did love each other. I also forgot how many times we fought and how many things he did to piss me off or upset me. But I realized that he would never apologize in person. It seems like he had no trouble pouring his heart out for other people to see, but it never really seemed to happen when it was between just me and him.
Anyway, here I am, almost two years since we broke up. Jason and I have been together for an amazing one year and eight months. I'm planning our wedding. I bought my wedding dress and veil a few days ago. I made centerpieces with Jason over winter break. I am picking out bridesmaids dresses and making my own guestbook. I set up my gift registries.
There was a time in my life that I thought I might be doing these things with Andrew. I guess God had a different plan for me. I honestly never thought that I'd be getting married before the end of college. I never thought I'd be marrying a guy that I'll have known for less than 3 years by the wedding date. I never thought I'd be getting married at all. But I'm happy. I'm incredibly joyful. And while Jason and I aren't perfect and we argue and we get cranky and have bad days, I can't see myself with anyone else. That's a feeling I never had with Andrew. I used to always be able to imagine myself with someone else, someone other than Andrew. But whenever I think of my future now, it involves Jason. In most daydreams, Jason takes center stage. He is everything, but even that is an understatement.
I've made a lot of mistakes in our relationship. A lot. Too many. He has had many, many reasons to leave me. But for some reason, I have been incredibly lucky and he still wants to be with me forever.
We went to our friends' wedding this past weekend and, while I've been to other weddings before and heard the same vows, something hit me harder than it ever has before. "Til death do us part." I just started thinking, how long do I think I'm going to live? Until I'm 80 years old? 90? 100? Who knows. But I'm 20. That means Jason and I will be married for 60, 70, 80 years. We haven't even been together for 2. And I guess that should scare me. But for some reason, it doesn't. It just makes me excited. It makes me realize that I will get to experience everything hand-in-hand with him. And I couldn't ask for anything more than that. I know we'll argue and we'll fight and sometimes it'll be hard. But I believe that we understand each other and we love each other. And I believe that we always will. I love Jason. That's never going to change.
I guess I forgot how in love we were. Because we really did love each other. I also forgot how many times we fought and how many things he did to piss me off or upset me. But I realized that he would never apologize in person. It seems like he had no trouble pouring his heart out for other people to see, but it never really seemed to happen when it was between just me and him.
Anyway, here I am, almost two years since we broke up. Jason and I have been together for an amazing one year and eight months. I'm planning our wedding. I bought my wedding dress and veil a few days ago. I made centerpieces with Jason over winter break. I am picking out bridesmaids dresses and making my own guestbook. I set up my gift registries.
There was a time in my life that I thought I might be doing these things with Andrew. I guess God had a different plan for me. I honestly never thought that I'd be getting married before the end of college. I never thought I'd be marrying a guy that I'll have known for less than 3 years by the wedding date. I never thought I'd be getting married at all. But I'm happy. I'm incredibly joyful. And while Jason and I aren't perfect and we argue and we get cranky and have bad days, I can't see myself with anyone else. That's a feeling I never had with Andrew. I used to always be able to imagine myself with someone else, someone other than Andrew. But whenever I think of my future now, it involves Jason. In most daydreams, Jason takes center stage. He is everything, but even that is an understatement.
I've made a lot of mistakes in our relationship. A lot. Too many. He has had many, many reasons to leave me. But for some reason, I have been incredibly lucky and he still wants to be with me forever.
We went to our friends' wedding this past weekend and, while I've been to other weddings before and heard the same vows, something hit me harder than it ever has before. "Til death do us part." I just started thinking, how long do I think I'm going to live? Until I'm 80 years old? 90? 100? Who knows. But I'm 20. That means Jason and I will be married for 60, 70, 80 years. We haven't even been together for 2. And I guess that should scare me. But for some reason, it doesn't. It just makes me excited. It makes me realize that I will get to experience everything hand-in-hand with him. And I couldn't ask for anything more than that. I know we'll argue and we'll fight and sometimes it'll be hard. But I believe that we understand each other and we love each other. And I believe that we always will. I love Jason. That's never going to change.