043: Voice; It's not even light out

[only_fell]

It's amazing the capacity humans have for selfishness. Although to be fair I suppose it's not exclusively a human emotion.

And no matter how aware we are that we shouldn't feel an emotion it's still there.

I'm feeling very selfish right now and I don't want to apologize for it.

Even if I should.

Comments

[notverypriestly]

Babe? [He is so missing the point, here.] It's okay to be selfish. Sometimes it's even good, you know?

[only_fell]

[He is but it's cute] Chuck's gone home, Priestly. I want him to come back.

[notverypriestly]

[He will hold his tongue like a good boy. Because even with Chuck now gone, he still wants to punch the dude in the face.] That makes sense, though.

[only_fell]

Does it? He's the first person I've been close to that's left.

[notverypriestly]

Your feelings on it are valid, Inara. Emotion isn't supposed to be logical anyway.

[only_fell]

It's easier when I can use logic. I think I'm going to go for a walk, try and sort things. [She's so lying. She's running. It's just there's no real place to run here]

[notverypriestly]

It's not supposed to be easy, either. Just-- try to remember that it's all normal. Being upset because you've lost someone is normal. [Priestly, the wonderderp.]

Want me to come with?

[only_fell]

Right. Normal.

[She thinks about it a moment and shakes her head]

No. I'd rather go alone. You don't even like Chuck.

[notverypriestly]

Yeah but I like you. What does Chuck really have to do with it? I don't want you to be upset.

[only_fell]

If he hadn't left I wouldn't be upset and I wouldn't be intent upon a walk. I don't want you gloating next to me while I deal with the fact that my friend is gone.

[notverypriestly]

Yeah, totally on my agenda. Right after punching all the newborns in the hospital in the faces.

Then I was going to push you into a puddle and take pictures and laugh. ...Are you even serious right now?

[only_fell]

[Priestly's comment earns him one of those looks]

I just need to be alone right now, Priestly. It's not a difficult concept to process. I'm trying to deal with this very blunt reminder that everyone leaves. I'd prefer not to have someone along with me to remind me that I've even more to lose.

[notverypriestly]

[He's oblivious to it this time, mostly selfishly concerned with being left out on this one.]

I'm not sure you're-- that doesn't make sense. You should want to spend more time with people you might lose just in case you do lose them. [No, really, buddy. Tell her how to feel again, it'll go over great.]

[Voice || Private moderately hackable]

[only_fell]

Why? So it'll hurt more? So that whatever it is I feel for the person is stronger? That's ridiculous and harmful. With enough distance and enough time, the inevitable pain will be manageable. I can't deal with losing people when I'm this close. [She's on a roll now]

And don't you dare tell me how to feel. This is your fault. I was doing perfectly fine keeping people at a distance. I made an art of backing away before things got messy. Until you came along and forced your way into making me feel--I can't breathe when you're around, Priestly. And it makes me vulnerable to everyone else.

I need space.

[Voice || Private moderately hackable]

[notverypriestly]

[Priestly is silently fuming on the other end of this line, for at least a minute.]

Fine, space, whatever. You do that, see how it works out for you.

[He's quiet again, just long enough to catch his breath.] Maybe it is my fucking fault but fuck that, I'd do it again. Because this Ice Queen thing sucks.

Re: [Voice || Private moderately hackable]

[only_fell]

I've done it before. It'll work out fine.

[And she ends the transmission but does not turn her tablet off. She won't be at the apartment either. She's going to go out and walk]