"Okay," I murmur, slightly worried at being left alone with Connor - with my own son - but Wes is already walking out the door. Lorne is around somewhere. I'm sure he'd coming running if something happened.
Connor and I get comfortable on the bed, me carefully holding him in my arms and him fluttering his eyelashes. "Hey, big guy, not sleepytime yet. You gotta stay awake. Just a little while. Wes'll be back with your bottle soon. Can't have you getting hungry on us. No we can't," I say in a stream of soft words. Kinda talking to keep him awake, but also to keep myself awake.
"You're going to be a great kid, aren't you? You're gonna have two great dads, two uncles and two aunts and probably some other people along the way. No mom, but I don't think you'll mind when you find out what she was like. Pretty controlling, I bet you wouldn't have liked her anyway," I half-heartedly joke with him around a yawn. Connor just stares back me, slightly more alert now. I guess it's going to take time for him to get used to our different voices since we weren't around while Darla was carrying him. I'm sure he'll have us figured out in no time.
"Hey, you," I murmur with a sleepy smile when Wes comes back. "We missed you," I tell him like the big dork I've become. Or am. I think Cordy would say I was always a dork. But that's just her opinion. Connor and I wait for Wes to mix up a bottle - I note that he's brought more than one with him for future feedings of which we'll probably have to prepare for even more - and get into a comfortable position for this feeding stuff. Hmm. I try to remember what Wes was doing when he fed Connor earlier, but I was a little focused on being upset, I think.
A smile slips out at those words and I wonder why they sound different now then the many times he's said them before. Perhaps because it's 'we' instead of the usual 'I'. There's a brief wonder if from now on it'll always be 'we' for Angel, meaning Connor and him, instead of 'I'. Then there's a darker side of me if 'we' will ever mean Angel and I.
I push it aside quickly, hoping these sort of doubts are all just part of this phase we're going to have to go through. The part were we're all going to have to get used to the fact that there now is a child here. Angel's son. His *actual* son. The son of two vampires and my mind still cannot wrap around that. Fingers itching to hunt down books and research this. Now.
There are other important things though. Such as feeding a child that might go hungry, even though Connor looks rather sleepy instead of hungry. I've no idea if we're doing anything right, but we're doing the best we can. There's a child at stake. *Your* best is not going to be good enough.
"I'll be right over," I murmur, walking to the small kitchen and depositing the things there. I quickly make one bottle, put it in the microwave to warm up and start with another batch. Then al Angel - we - have to do is put it in the microwave. It would make things simpler-- Oh.
Said microwave dings making me abandon my work for now. Taking out the bottle I make sure it's not to hot before padding over to Angel while shaking it. I've no idea why I'm shaking it, seems like the thing to do. Strange. "Here we go," I murmur, handing the bottle to Angel, "let me get you a towel for...uh... later."
I nod to Wes before he heads to the kitchen. My eyes follow after him, watching him proudly. He's come such a long way, I realize even in my sleepy state. Such a long way. I don't think the Wesley I stumbled on covered in leather would have handled this as well as Wesley has now. I think we still need to make sure we get some regular alone time though. I get the feeling that all sorts of feelings are going to crop up and were both going to need some reassuring on a regular basis. But right now...we seem okay, I think as I listen to him move around in the kitchen.
"Hungry yet, kiddo?" I ask Connor quietly, running a finger over his little cheek and chin. I get a sleepy look for my troubles and a yawn. Not smiling around this kid is going to be impossible. He's too cute. Just like Wes.
"Hmm, thanks," I say giving Wes a smile when he returns and hands the bottle to me. Okay, uhh, bottle. Baby. They go together, right? Hey, why is he fussing? I look where Connor's looking and- Oh. Duh. The little guy already understands that's where the food comes from, huh? I think he'd be grabbing it out of my hands if he could. Carefully, I bring the bottle to his mouth and Connor knows just what to do. I blink and watch him happily drink away. Wow.
"Hmm?" I glance up, realizing belatedly that Wes said something...about a towel? Oh, right. "Thanks," I say, noting that I would not have thought of that until too late even though I saw it happen with Wes earlier. Wow, there's just so much we're going to have to get used to.
He's so very much not here with me, already to involved in anything Connor related. Not that I can blame him. If I had a child, son or daughter doesn't really matter, then I'd be so wrapped up in that I would barely have time for anything else. I guess. Not that I'd know, because that's never going to happen. It would have been an experience, having a little boy or girl of my own... and those are thoughts I am not going to be having.
Instead I watch Angel and his boy. The wide eyed look he gets when for a moment he doesn't know what to do. Angel I mean, not sure if Connor will have that same look. Could be, wouldn't actually surprise me. But that smile, I'm mesmerized by that smile on Angel's face. I've never seen that particular smile ever and I'm guessing that's Connor's smile. Not guessing, I know it is.
I watch them a moment longer, realizing that if I do get a reply it'll be one he doesn't even really know he's giving. And that reminds me so much of myself - only I have it with books - that it makes me smile softly. Shaking my head I turn back on the balls of my feet to grab a small towel from the kitchen. Doesn't take me long to get back to Angel and put it on his shoulder.
Doubt he even noticed that, I think to myself as I pad back to the kitchen. Right then, lets make some more food for Connor. It almost as easy as with Angel's food. Except for the part where I have to mix Connor's food, it's pretty much of the 'put it in the microwave to heat and be done' variety.
Like father like son, and doesn't that thought make me chuckle. "Need anything else?" I call out as I make some more bottles for Connor. "Need something to eat yourself perhaps?"
Connor and I get comfortable on the bed, me carefully holding him in my arms and him fluttering his eyelashes. "Hey, big guy, not sleepytime yet. You gotta stay awake. Just a little while. Wes'll be back with your bottle soon. Can't have you getting hungry on us. No we can't," I say in a stream of soft words. Kinda talking to keep him awake, but also to keep myself awake.
"You're going to be a great kid, aren't you? You're gonna have two great dads, two uncles and two aunts and probably some other people along the way. No mom, but I don't think you'll mind when you find out what she was like. Pretty controlling, I bet you wouldn't have liked her anyway," I half-heartedly joke with him around a yawn. Connor just stares back me, slightly more alert now. I guess it's going to take time for him to get used to our different voices since we weren't around while Darla was carrying him. I'm sure he'll have us figured out in no time.
"Hey, you," I murmur with a sleepy smile when Wes comes back. "We missed you," I tell him like the big dork I've become. Or am. I think Cordy would say I was always a dork. But that's just her opinion. Connor and I wait for Wes to mix up a bottle - I note that he's brought more than one with him for future feedings of which we'll probably have to prepare for even more - and get into a comfortable position for this feeding stuff. Hmm. I try to remember what Wes was doing when he fed Connor earlier, but I was a little focused on being upset, I think.
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I push it aside quickly, hoping these sort of doubts are all just part of this phase we're going to have to go through. The part were we're all going to have to get used to the fact that there now is a child here. Angel's son. His *actual* son. The son of two vampires and my mind still cannot wrap around that. Fingers itching to hunt down books and research this. Now.
There are other important things though. Such as feeding a child that might go hungry, even though Connor looks rather sleepy instead of hungry. I've no idea if we're doing anything right, but we're doing the best we can. There's a child at stake. *Your* best is not going to be good enough.
"I'll be right over," I murmur, walking to the small kitchen and depositing the things there. I quickly make one bottle, put it in the microwave to warm up and start with another batch. Then al Angel - we - have to do is put it in the microwave. It would make things simpler-- Oh.
Said microwave dings making me abandon my work for now. Taking out the bottle I make sure it's not to hot before padding over to Angel while shaking it. I've no idea why I'm shaking it, seems like the thing to do. Strange. "Here we go," I murmur, handing the bottle to Angel, "let me get you a towel for...uh... later."
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"Hungry yet, kiddo?" I ask Connor quietly, running a finger over his little cheek and chin. I get a sleepy look for my troubles and a yawn. Not smiling around this kid is going to be impossible. He's too cute. Just like Wes.
"Hmm, thanks," I say giving Wes a smile when he returns and hands the bottle to me. Okay, uhh, bottle. Baby. They go together, right? Hey, why is he fussing? I look where Connor's looking and- Oh. Duh. The little guy already understands that's where the food comes from, huh? I think he'd be grabbing it out of my hands if he could. Carefully, I bring the bottle to his mouth and Connor knows just what to do. I blink and watch him happily drink away. Wow.
"Hmm?" I glance up, realizing belatedly that Wes said something...about a towel? Oh, right. "Thanks," I say, noting that I would not have thought of that until too late even though I saw it happen with Wes earlier. Wow, there's just so much we're going to have to get used to.
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Instead I watch Angel and his boy. The wide eyed look he gets when for a moment he doesn't know what to do. Angel I mean, not sure if Connor will have that same look. Could be, wouldn't actually surprise me. But that smile, I'm mesmerized by that smile on Angel's face. I've never seen that particular smile ever and I'm guessing that's Connor's smile. Not guessing, I know it is.
I watch them a moment longer, realizing that if I do get a reply it'll be one he doesn't even really know he's giving. And that reminds me so much of myself - only I have it with books - that it makes me smile softly. Shaking my head I turn back on the balls of my feet to grab a small towel from the kitchen. Doesn't take me long to get back to Angel and put it on his shoulder.
Doubt he even noticed that, I think to myself as I pad back to the kitchen. Right then, lets make some more food for Connor. It almost as easy as with Angel's food. Except for the part where I have to mix Connor's food, it's pretty much of the 'put it in the microwave to heat and be done' variety.
Like father like son, and doesn't that thought make me chuckle. "Need anything else?" I call out as I make some more bottles for Connor. "Need something to eat yourself perhaps?"
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