Wonderwall 5/10
Title: Wonderwall
Main Characters: Quinn, Puck, Rachel
Rating: T, although maybe it's gotten to the R point
Spoilers: Quinn had a baby *GASP*
Author's Note: Hello all! So, I'm not thrilled with this chapter for a lot of reasons. 1. I feel like it needs so much more, but I'm not sure what else to give it 2. There was a whole lot of more stuff that was supposed to be added to this chapters because it was supposed to be the last chapter. However, as I kept writing (and mind you, I jump around when I write) I realized that there is so much left I have to do and I've already left you guys waiting for quite some time. So, here we are. A chapter that I'm pretty sure is a lot shorter compared to the other chapters, but you also get five more chapters than originally expected :) Hope that's okay with everyone. Okay, I'll stop rambling now and let you guys start reading. Enjoy!
After the new year comes, her parents tell her that she needs to start looking for some place to live. “You’re kicking me out,” she asks, looking in between her fathers from across the dining room table.
“It’s not that,” Brandon Berry begins, reaching forward to try and grab her hand.
She pulls away from him for the first time in her life.
“Why?”
“We just think if you planned on staying here permanently you should have a place of your own. That way you can come and go as you please,” John Berry says carefully. “You’re 21 Rachel. You should want to be out and on your own, without me and your father watching over you.”
She’s quiet, looking down at her hands in her lap before pushing back her chair and standing up. “I’ll be in my room until they get here.”
“How is it that she became more of a teenager now? We had an adult when she was 16,” John complains once they hear her bedroom door open and shut.
“It’s Noah,” Brandon accuses as they both stand, carefully making their way back into the kitchen.
John rolls his eyes. “Noah is a good boy.”
“He isn’t Rachel’s to have,” he yells, throwing his hands in the air. “I know that we can’t control Rachel or stop her from making bad choices but I can not watch her ruin that family anymore.”
John smiles sadly, pulling his husband close. “I know. And she’ll realize that moving out will be what’s best.”
--
When Quinn gently knocks on her door, she’s just finishing brushing her teeth. “Rachel?”
She doesn’t let her come in until she’s back on her bed. “Your dads said you were upset.”
She lets out sort of a chocked laugh and nods. “They’re kicking me out.” Quinn’s eyes go wide and Rachel pulls her down on the bed. “It’s not an ‘I have to get out now’, but I have to start looking.”
“That might be nice… Having a place of your own.” She laces their fingers together and Rachel thinks of telling her then. But she’s smiling and now she’s kissing her and Quinn is so happy nowadays so she keeps her mouth shut. “I’d offer to have you move in with us but you know how hard it is cramming someone else in there.”
Rachel gives a small smile and a nod. She doesn’t think she could move in there if she wanted to. “Can we have a mini date night after dinner? I just need you guys right now.”
Quinn runs her hand through Rachel’s hair, allowing her nails to scratch at her scalp. “Of course.”
--
Quinn kisses her daughter’s face a million times until the girl starts laughing. “You always have fun with them baby. Tonight won’t be any different. Plus you have new toys to play with while we’re out.”
Caroline still giggles in her lap. “But it’s Sunday dinner Momma. We’re supposed to be with family.”
“We are with family. We’ll be back soon, I promise.” Caroline hops off her lap and attaches herself to Noah’s leg when he walks into the family room.
She watches Noah pick up his daughter from her spot on the couch, watching how his smile changes and whispers something in her ear. Caroline immediately nods her head and kisses Noah’s cheek before he puts her down. “How do you do that,” Quinn asks, leaning into him when he sits down next to her. He attempts to shrug and she sighs. “She just likes you more.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes it is. You spend more time with her than I do. I suppose it’s only natural.” He opens his mouth to respond but then Rachel walks in and Quinn gets up immediately to hug their girlfriend; their focus has to be on her now.
--
When they get into Rachel’s car (Noah behind the wheel), she announces that she doesn’t want to talk about it; she just wants a fun carefree date night (she knows they won’t have many more of these).
So they go see a movie (Noah splurges for popcorn because the girls love the movie theater butter) and he keeps his hands on the girls’ thighs the entire time. Quinn seems focused on the movie (and the popcorn she’s inhaling) but Rachel moves restlessly so he lets his hand move underneath her skirt.
She shoots him a glare and tries to push his hand away. “It’ll relax you,” he whispers in her ear. She doubts it will but she lets his hand sneak back between her legs.
She feels like throwing up again, the smell of the movie theater popcorn making her stomach flip. She shuts her eyes in order to block everything out in order to focus on her body: the way Noah’s hand rubs her through her underwear, the way her whole body feels like its sagging from exhaustion and pleasure and the way she tries to steady her breathing (taking shallow inhales because her heart is speeding up and the popcorn smell seems to be enveloping her).
Before she can stop it, she lets a small moan escape her lips (Maybe Noah was right; this was letting her relax a little). Quinn looks over and smiles, leaning to leave a kiss on Noah’s cheek. “Let’s go home.”
--
They wait by the bookstore exit while Noah brings the car closer, arms linked. Quinn looks down at Rachel, worry veiled by a small smile on her face. “You alright?” Rachel nods against the blonde’s shoulder. “Are you sure? Because you don’t seem like it.”
She moves, wrapping her arms around Quinn’s waist, bodies flush together as she looks up at her girlfriend. “I just want to stop thinking so much.”
“You’re Rachel Berry, I don’t think you can do that,” she answers with a smile. “Talk to me. What’s going on?” She starts rubbing circles on her back and Rachel wishes she could say it.
(She doesn’t think she could if she wants to.)
She rises on her tiptoes and kisses Quinn in order to get her to stop talking. She’s hesitant (they need to talk about whatever’s going on because Rachel’s starting to really worry her) but then kisses back, tongue skating across Rachel’s bottom lip.
The buttery taste hits her as soon as she lets Quinn’s tongue slip inside and she pushes her away instantly. “What the hell?” Quinn looks at her confused as she takes deep breath, willing herself to not throw up.
“Sorry,” she mutters as she digs through her purse, pulling out a tin of Altoids. She pops two into her mouth, sucking viciously on the mints. “You taste like popcorn.”
“I’m sorry? You normally like the popcorn…” She raises an eyebrow as Rachel looks past her.
“Tonight it’s upsetting my stomach,” she says with a shrug, grabbing Quinn’s hand and dragging her outside.
This is her first clue.
--
Later, when they’re home (Caroline is passed out in her bed) and they’re all stripped of their clothes in the tiny little bedroom, Rachel squeezes her eyes shut when Noah takes her nipple into his mouth.
Quinn notices the tears that escape from behind her eyelids but doesn’t say anything, just pushes her lips against Rachel’s.
This is the second.
--
Quinn looks across her desk to see Rachel scrunching her nose up as she looks at the Chinese her dad got them for lunch. “Something wrong with your cho mein?” Rachel glances at her with a small forced smile.
This is the third and final clue.
“No but there is with these apartment prices.” She smiles a little wider and Quinn looks at the newspaper that lays in front of her girlfriend, two ads circled in red sharpie. She arches an eyebrow just barely before taking a bite of fried rice.
--
Noah watches Quinn as she fixes herself a plate of leftovers. “What’s wrong with you?” She looks over her shoulder at him, blonde hair framing her face as she shakes her head.
“Nothing’s wrong.” He gets up from his place at the table, crossing the threshold into the kitchen, and placing his hands on her hips.
“Bullshit,” he whispers in her ear and she shivers lightly. She closes her eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at the velveeta they ate last night.
“I think something’s wrong with Rachel.” His fingers dig into her hips through her pencil skirt and watches as she spoons some of the shells on her plate back into the bowl. “She’s not acting like herself.”
“What do you mean?” She turns in his arms, bringing her long hair over her shoulder so it doesn’t get into the food behind her. She looks into his dark eyes and knows she can’t tell him this, not yet.
So she shakes her head lightly, toothless smile appearing on her face. “It’s probably nothing. She just seems like she’s been getting sick. It’s probably just me.”
He smiles back (even though he knows that’s her fake smile) and leaves a kiss on her temple. “It’s just the mama bear in you. You’re like that with Caroline.” She nods and kisses him, exhaling loudly when he goes back into the dining room.
--
It’s a week later when he notices two things.
It’s just him, Rachel, and Caroline and they’re having a great time.
But she’s looking at Caroline different. She’s still smiling and generally listening to what his daughter is saying to her but there’s this look in her eyes. She looks so confused behind those chocolate orbs and it scares the shit out of him.
She’s gonna leave, he can feel it in his bones. He doesn’t know when but he knows their time together is like a ticking time bomb.
(When they get back from the park, he sets Caroline up with a movie in her room and then fucks Rachel until Quinn gets home.)
He notices the next thing during dinner. They’re all sitting around the dinner table, the four of them, and everyone’s eating and talking and laughing and it seems normal. But then Quinn offers Rachel some mashed potatoes. The brunette (who usually takes some of his potatoes home she loves them so much) shakes her head and says. “No thank you.”
Quinn glances over at him as she sets the bowl down and three minutes later Rachel, who hadn’t said much after thank you, excuses herself to the bathroom.
Caroline frowns when the sound of throwing up travels through their thin walls and asks Quinn if Aunt Rachel is sick. “Probably the stomach flu,” Noah mutters and Quinn can’t look at him for the rest of dinner.
--
Quinn wakes up when Noah comes home from work. He slides into the bed next to her silently, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Noah?” He grunts in response and she lays her cold hands on his tan arm. “You don’t remember anything about me being pregnant huh?”
“I remember stuff from when you were pregnant,” he says defensively and she turns on her side to face him, hand leaving his arm to cup his face.
“I meant like, the small stuff. Like when I realized that my boobs had gone up nearly three cups or how in the beginning I couldn’t be in the same room as ham or potatoes…”
“I wasn’t there in the beginning Quinn. How am I supposed to remember things I wasn’t included in?” She rolls over on to her other side, pushing his arm off her.
--
He sits beside her on his couch, both with newspapers in their hands. “What about this one,” he asks, leaning over to show her the ad in his section. “It’s probably really small but it’s in between here and your dads’.” Her eyes glance over the small print and then pass him the red sharpies she was holding.
“That’s a good price,” she says quietly.
“Are you okay,” he asks, looking down at the girl carefully.
Maybe Quinn was right, maybe something was wrong with Rachel. He’s not sure he’s ever heard her speak so quietly and he can’t stop thinking about Quinn’s aversion to potatoes when she was pregnant with Caroline.
She nods and smiles. “I’m fine. Just getting tired of all this apartment hunting.”
“Are you sure?” She smiles again and leans further into his side, hand falling onto his thigh.
“I’m fine Noah. I promise.”
And then she goes back to looking through all the apartment listings, quiet the entire time.
All the while, he can’t stop thinking about how scared he is that she’s so fucking quiet and those god damn mashed potatoes.
--
A few weeks later she practically pushes Noah out the door because she needs to find out if it’s true; needs to confirm her suspicions. She’s watched Rachel avoid potatoes and Chinese food for the past two weeks and has heard her throw up more times than she can count; she can not just sit back and watch anymore and she can’t bring herself to just ask.
Rachel lies on the couch, blanket draped over her, eyes focused on the TV like this is just another day.
She looks so tired and different and Quinn really doesn’t even need to do what she’s about to do because she knows it’s already true.
Still, she perches herself on the edge of the couch in front of Rachel and pushes her hair back lovingly. “Is your stomach still acting up?”
She sort of shrugs. “Not really.” Quinn nods and leans in to leave three lingering kisses on the brunette’s lips. When she doesn’t react, Quinn kisses her harder and a bit more frenzied.
She breathes a sigh of relief into the other girl’s mouth when Rachel pulls her closer (although she’s not sure why she’s relieved because really, this doesn’t disprove anything).
She moves to straddle Rachel when her mind gets the better of her. “Come on,” she says, lacing their fingers together and pulling the girl up.
She shuts the door quietly behind them, Rachel going to lie down out of habit (or instinct, she isn’t sure which anymore). She walks over to her silently and kisses her again, this time her hands slipping underneath the bottom of her shirt. She feels Rachel gasp lightly as her fingertips graze over still flat stomach and then again when her nails scrape across the cotton bra she wears.
“Quinn.” Rachel pulls away and she just uses this moment to pull the brunette’s shirt over her head.
“I don’t understand how he doesn’t see it,” Quinn muses, hands carefully reaching around to unhook the bra that separates her from Rachel’s bare chest.
She feels hands on her arms and she takes her gaze off Rachel’s chest and meets her eyes. “Quinn please,” she pleads.
They know this is the beginning of the end.
Quinn’s fingers silently undo the clasp and Rachel closes her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
She pulls away the bra and then cups Rachel’s tender breast. They’re unnoticeably fuller (to anyone other than Quinn and herself), the tiniest bit more heavy. She squeezes and Rachel hisses, pushing the blonde’s hands away.
“How far along are you?”
“I haven’t gone to the doctor yet.”
Quinn meets her eyes with a glare. (For the first time in a while, she feels like she’s about to encounter the Quinn she knew in high school.) “How late are you?”
She’s silent for a moment, the look of addition etched on to her face. “I’ve just missed my third period.”
Quinn’s eyes widen. She pushes herself off the bed quickly, turning around to look at her girlfriend. Her mouth opens but nothing but dead air comes out. They just stare at each other until Quinn turns around and leaves the room.
Rachel doesn’t move after that. She stays still and silent for five minutes until she puts her shirt back on.
She opens the bedroom door and looks at the living room around her. No lights are on and Quinn’s nowhere in sight. Suddenly the blonde appears, closing Caroline’s door behind her. She doesn’t look at her even thought she knows she’s there, just crosses the hall and goes into the bathroom.
Rachel pads her way across the living room and leans into the doorway, watching Quinn with a confused look on her face. “You’re cleaning.” Her voice is quiet even though the only other sound in the entire apartment is the sound of the sponge against the tub.
Quinn nods as she leans over the side of the tub, scrubbing at a mildew stain in the corner. “When I’m upset, I clean.”
Rachel breathes in deep (then wrinkles her nose because she just inhaled nothing but chemicals) and crosses her arms underneath her chest. “Can you please just say something?”
Quinn laughs. “What would you like me to say Rachel? That I’m happy? It’s obvious that I’m not.”
“I know you’re not… I don’t know what I want you to say, I just need you to say something.”
Quinn won’t look back at her, she just keeps scrubbing at the built up gunk in the corner. “What’re you going to do?”
Rachel looks down. She can still see her feet. Her eyes focus on her flat stomach hiding underneath her plain white shirt. She doesn’t know. She likes the way things are now but- “You’re attached already aren’t you?” Quinn cuts off her thoughts and it’s now that she realizes Quinn’s looking at her.
“I… I don’t know…”
Quinn pushes back the blonde hair that’s fallen out of her messy bun, sponge still in her free hand. “That corner gets a thick cover of mildew every two weeks because the shower doesn’t drain all the way. The stove has two burners that don’t work. There’s mold growing on the windowsill in Caroline’s room because the window doesn’t lock down properly so then snow seeps in. Noah works shitty hours and then does so much during the day because I need him to. The past four years I worked in a shitty diner and now? Yeah, I have a better paying job but I still work insane hours. My daughter doesn’t like me and truth be told, I don’t know her all that well. I had no life before you came back… You don’t want that life Rachel. You don’t want this,” she says, waving her hands around the room.
“It doesn’t have to be like that Quinn… I’d have you and Noah… We could make it work.”
Quinn shakes her head. “And we would live happily ever after? Get your head out of the clouds Rachel.” She pushes past her but stops walking when she hears her girlfriend ask, “Then what do you want me to do?”
Quinn pauses, squares her shoulders and lets out a breath. “Abort it.”
She gasps lightly, the sharp intake of breath hurting her throat. She side steps into the bathroom and throws up (she’s positive this isn’t the morning sickness).
--
“Rach,” he says softly, pushing her shoulder and kissing her temple.
She groans, eyes blinking open as she pushes herself further into the couch. “What time is it?” Her mouth is dry.
She rubs a hand over her face. Her cheeks are sticky.
“A little after 6.” She can hear the shower running. “Why are you sleeping on the couch?”
She looks scared and worried and he automatically assumes the worst.
“I didn’t mean to… I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she starts rambling and he pushes his eyebrows together in confusion.
“For what to happen?” He looks so tired… Maybe Quinn was right; maybe she couldn’t (shouldn’t) do this.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispers so quietly she’s not even sure any sound comes out. But his eyes widen and she knows he heard her, his face becoming completely unreadable.
He leans back on to his knees slightly and then asks, “Are you sure?” (He already knows that she is) She nods and then he does the one thing she almost thought Quinn would do.
He wraps his arms around her, digging his face into her hair and breathing in deep. “It’ll be okay,” he whispers. She lets out a sob and a sigh simultaneously and clutches on to him. She wants so badly to believe him.
The shower turns off and they both tense.
--
They stare at each other in silence, his fists clenching because he could honestly hit her right now.
Just raise his fist and in one fluid motion, punch that blank defiant gaze off her face.
“You told her what?”
She swallows and places her hands in her lap as she looks him straight in the eye. “To abort it.”
He turns around and punches a hole in the wall next to the TV. “What the fuck Quinn?!”
She jumps as she hears his hand scrape and break through the rough plaster but she forces her face to remain looking like she’s in control; like this isn’t tearing her up inside either. “Do you have a better solution Puck,” she asks, voice and eyes daring him to say something that would fix this.
“Yeah I do cunt. It’s this little thing called giving birth and raising the baby. Don’t know if you remember but you did that almost six years ago,” he spits and she rolls her eyes.
“How do you suppose she goes about that?”
“Are you really that much of a heartless bitch? In case you didn’t notice, we are both kind of dating her. And even if we weren’t, we’re still her friends. She can raise that baby with our help.”
Her eyes watch the blood drip from his knuckles as she scoffs. “And how will we do that? We work all the time, she only makes enough to support herself and her dads hate you.”
“It’s my baby Quinn.”
“You’re all eager now aren’t you? You were last time too, all sunshine and fucking rainbows. ‘We can be a family’ and ‘I’ll take care of the both of you’. It’s all bullshit Noah! Do you remember what it was like before Rachel came back? Because I do. I remember us hating each other and hating Caroline and feeling like we were drowning and dying slowly. It won’t be all sunshine and rainbows. It’ll be our last five years only ten times worse.”
He wants to punch her again. “It doesn’t have to be like that with her,” he says through gritted teeth and she stands up from her spot on the couch.
“Then go be with her. Go raise your baby because I don’t want you. You can ruin her all you want but I’m done letting you ruin me.” She walks into their bedroom and shuts the door quietly.
She’s halfway through changing the sheets when she hears the door slam so hard, she can feel the vibrations in her chest.
Main Characters: Quinn, Puck, Rachel
Rating: T, although maybe it's gotten to the R point
Spoilers: Quinn had a baby *GASP*
Author's Note: Hello all! So, I'm not thrilled with this chapter for a lot of reasons. 1. I feel like it needs so much more, but I'm not sure what else to give it 2. There was a whole lot of more stuff that was supposed to be added to this chapters because it was supposed to be the last chapter. However, as I kept writing (and mind you, I jump around when I write) I realized that there is so much left I have to do and I've already left you guys waiting for quite some time. So, here we are. A chapter that I'm pretty sure is a lot shorter compared to the other chapters, but you also get five more chapters than originally expected :) Hope that's okay with everyone. Okay, I'll stop rambling now and let you guys start reading. Enjoy!
After the new year comes, her parents tell her that she needs to start looking for some place to live. “You’re kicking me out,” she asks, looking in between her fathers from across the dining room table.
“It’s not that,” Brandon Berry begins, reaching forward to try and grab her hand.
She pulls away from him for the first time in her life.
“Why?”
“We just think if you planned on staying here permanently you should have a place of your own. That way you can come and go as you please,” John Berry says carefully. “You’re 21 Rachel. You should want to be out and on your own, without me and your father watching over you.”
She’s quiet, looking down at her hands in her lap before pushing back her chair and standing up. “I’ll be in my room until they get here.”
“How is it that she became more of a teenager now? We had an adult when she was 16,” John complains once they hear her bedroom door open and shut.
“It’s Noah,” Brandon accuses as they both stand, carefully making their way back into the kitchen.
John rolls his eyes. “Noah is a good boy.”
“He isn’t Rachel’s to have,” he yells, throwing his hands in the air. “I know that we can’t control Rachel or stop her from making bad choices but I can not watch her ruin that family anymore.”
John smiles sadly, pulling his husband close. “I know. And she’ll realize that moving out will be what’s best.”
--
When Quinn gently knocks on her door, she’s just finishing brushing her teeth. “Rachel?”
She doesn’t let her come in until she’s back on her bed. “Your dads said you were upset.”
She lets out sort of a chocked laugh and nods. “They’re kicking me out.” Quinn’s eyes go wide and Rachel pulls her down on the bed. “It’s not an ‘I have to get out now’, but I have to start looking.”
“That might be nice… Having a place of your own.” She laces their fingers together and Rachel thinks of telling her then. But she’s smiling and now she’s kissing her and Quinn is so happy nowadays so she keeps her mouth shut. “I’d offer to have you move in with us but you know how hard it is cramming someone else in there.”
Rachel gives a small smile and a nod. She doesn’t think she could move in there if she wanted to. “Can we have a mini date night after dinner? I just need you guys right now.”
Quinn runs her hand through Rachel’s hair, allowing her nails to scratch at her scalp. “Of course.”
--
Quinn kisses her daughter’s face a million times until the girl starts laughing. “You always have fun with them baby. Tonight won’t be any different. Plus you have new toys to play with while we’re out.”
Caroline still giggles in her lap. “But it’s Sunday dinner Momma. We’re supposed to be with family.”
“We are with family. We’ll be back soon, I promise.” Caroline hops off her lap and attaches herself to Noah’s leg when he walks into the family room.
She watches Noah pick up his daughter from her spot on the couch, watching how his smile changes and whispers something in her ear. Caroline immediately nods her head and kisses Noah’s cheek before he puts her down. “How do you do that,” Quinn asks, leaning into him when he sits down next to her. He attempts to shrug and she sighs. “She just likes you more.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes it is. You spend more time with her than I do. I suppose it’s only natural.” He opens his mouth to respond but then Rachel walks in and Quinn gets up immediately to hug their girlfriend; their focus has to be on her now.
--
When they get into Rachel’s car (Noah behind the wheel), she announces that she doesn’t want to talk about it; she just wants a fun carefree date night (she knows they won’t have many more of these).
So they go see a movie (Noah splurges for popcorn because the girls love the movie theater butter) and he keeps his hands on the girls’ thighs the entire time. Quinn seems focused on the movie (and the popcorn she’s inhaling) but Rachel moves restlessly so he lets his hand move underneath her skirt.
She shoots him a glare and tries to push his hand away. “It’ll relax you,” he whispers in her ear. She doubts it will but she lets his hand sneak back between her legs.
She feels like throwing up again, the smell of the movie theater popcorn making her stomach flip. She shuts her eyes in order to block everything out in order to focus on her body: the way Noah’s hand rubs her through her underwear, the way her whole body feels like its sagging from exhaustion and pleasure and the way she tries to steady her breathing (taking shallow inhales because her heart is speeding up and the popcorn smell seems to be enveloping her).
Before she can stop it, she lets a small moan escape her lips (Maybe Noah was right; this was letting her relax a little). Quinn looks over and smiles, leaning to leave a kiss on Noah’s cheek. “Let’s go home.”
--
They wait by the bookstore exit while Noah brings the car closer, arms linked. Quinn looks down at Rachel, worry veiled by a small smile on her face. “You alright?” Rachel nods against the blonde’s shoulder. “Are you sure? Because you don’t seem like it.”
She moves, wrapping her arms around Quinn’s waist, bodies flush together as she looks up at her girlfriend. “I just want to stop thinking so much.”
“You’re Rachel Berry, I don’t think you can do that,” she answers with a smile. “Talk to me. What’s going on?” She starts rubbing circles on her back and Rachel wishes she could say it.
(She doesn’t think she could if she wants to.)
She rises on her tiptoes and kisses Quinn in order to get her to stop talking. She’s hesitant (they need to talk about whatever’s going on because Rachel’s starting to really worry her) but then kisses back, tongue skating across Rachel’s bottom lip.
The buttery taste hits her as soon as she lets Quinn’s tongue slip inside and she pushes her away instantly. “What the hell?” Quinn looks at her confused as she takes deep breath, willing herself to not throw up.
“Sorry,” she mutters as she digs through her purse, pulling out a tin of Altoids. She pops two into her mouth, sucking viciously on the mints. “You taste like popcorn.”
“I’m sorry? You normally like the popcorn…” She raises an eyebrow as Rachel looks past her.
“Tonight it’s upsetting my stomach,” she says with a shrug, grabbing Quinn’s hand and dragging her outside.
This is her first clue.
--
Later, when they’re home (Caroline is passed out in her bed) and they’re all stripped of their clothes in the tiny little bedroom, Rachel squeezes her eyes shut when Noah takes her nipple into his mouth.
Quinn notices the tears that escape from behind her eyelids but doesn’t say anything, just pushes her lips against Rachel’s.
This is the second.
--
Quinn looks across her desk to see Rachel scrunching her nose up as she looks at the Chinese her dad got them for lunch. “Something wrong with your cho mein?” Rachel glances at her with a small forced smile.
This is the third and final clue.
“No but there is with these apartment prices.” She smiles a little wider and Quinn looks at the newspaper that lays in front of her girlfriend, two ads circled in red sharpie. She arches an eyebrow just barely before taking a bite of fried rice.
--
Noah watches Quinn as she fixes herself a plate of leftovers. “What’s wrong with you?” She looks over her shoulder at him, blonde hair framing her face as she shakes her head.
“Nothing’s wrong.” He gets up from his place at the table, crossing the threshold into the kitchen, and placing his hands on her hips.
“Bullshit,” he whispers in her ear and she shivers lightly. She closes her eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at the velveeta they ate last night.
“I think something’s wrong with Rachel.” His fingers dig into her hips through her pencil skirt and watches as she spoons some of the shells on her plate back into the bowl. “She’s not acting like herself.”
“What do you mean?” She turns in his arms, bringing her long hair over her shoulder so it doesn’t get into the food behind her. She looks into his dark eyes and knows she can’t tell him this, not yet.
So she shakes her head lightly, toothless smile appearing on her face. “It’s probably nothing. She just seems like she’s been getting sick. It’s probably just me.”
He smiles back (even though he knows that’s her fake smile) and leaves a kiss on her temple. “It’s just the mama bear in you. You’re like that with Caroline.” She nods and kisses him, exhaling loudly when he goes back into the dining room.
--
It’s a week later when he notices two things.
It’s just him, Rachel, and Caroline and they’re having a great time.
But she’s looking at Caroline different. She’s still smiling and generally listening to what his daughter is saying to her but there’s this look in her eyes. She looks so confused behind those chocolate orbs and it scares the shit out of him.
She’s gonna leave, he can feel it in his bones. He doesn’t know when but he knows their time together is like a ticking time bomb.
(When they get back from the park, he sets Caroline up with a movie in her room and then fucks Rachel until Quinn gets home.)
He notices the next thing during dinner. They’re all sitting around the dinner table, the four of them, and everyone’s eating and talking and laughing and it seems normal. But then Quinn offers Rachel some mashed potatoes. The brunette (who usually takes some of his potatoes home she loves them so much) shakes her head and says. “No thank you.”
Quinn glances over at him as she sets the bowl down and three minutes later Rachel, who hadn’t said much after thank you, excuses herself to the bathroom.
Caroline frowns when the sound of throwing up travels through their thin walls and asks Quinn if Aunt Rachel is sick. “Probably the stomach flu,” Noah mutters and Quinn can’t look at him for the rest of dinner.
--
Quinn wakes up when Noah comes home from work. He slides into the bed next to her silently, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Noah?” He grunts in response and she lays her cold hands on his tan arm. “You don’t remember anything about me being pregnant huh?”
“I remember stuff from when you were pregnant,” he says defensively and she turns on her side to face him, hand leaving his arm to cup his face.
“I meant like, the small stuff. Like when I realized that my boobs had gone up nearly three cups or how in the beginning I couldn’t be in the same room as ham or potatoes…”
“I wasn’t there in the beginning Quinn. How am I supposed to remember things I wasn’t included in?” She rolls over on to her other side, pushing his arm off her.
--
He sits beside her on his couch, both with newspapers in their hands. “What about this one,” he asks, leaning over to show her the ad in his section. “It’s probably really small but it’s in between here and your dads’.” Her eyes glance over the small print and then pass him the red sharpies she was holding.
“That’s a good price,” she says quietly.
“Are you okay,” he asks, looking down at the girl carefully.
Maybe Quinn was right, maybe something was wrong with Rachel. He’s not sure he’s ever heard her speak so quietly and he can’t stop thinking about Quinn’s aversion to potatoes when she was pregnant with Caroline.
She nods and smiles. “I’m fine. Just getting tired of all this apartment hunting.”
“Are you sure?” She smiles again and leans further into his side, hand falling onto his thigh.
“I’m fine Noah. I promise.”
And then she goes back to looking through all the apartment listings, quiet the entire time.
All the while, he can’t stop thinking about how scared he is that she’s so fucking quiet and those god damn mashed potatoes.
--
A few weeks later she practically pushes Noah out the door because she needs to find out if it’s true; needs to confirm her suspicions. She’s watched Rachel avoid potatoes and Chinese food for the past two weeks and has heard her throw up more times than she can count; she can not just sit back and watch anymore and she can’t bring herself to just ask.
Rachel lies on the couch, blanket draped over her, eyes focused on the TV like this is just another day.
She looks so tired and different and Quinn really doesn’t even need to do what she’s about to do because she knows it’s already true.
Still, she perches herself on the edge of the couch in front of Rachel and pushes her hair back lovingly. “Is your stomach still acting up?”
She sort of shrugs. “Not really.” Quinn nods and leans in to leave three lingering kisses on the brunette’s lips. When she doesn’t react, Quinn kisses her harder and a bit more frenzied.
She breathes a sigh of relief into the other girl’s mouth when Rachel pulls her closer (although she’s not sure why she’s relieved because really, this doesn’t disprove anything).
She moves to straddle Rachel when her mind gets the better of her. “Come on,” she says, lacing their fingers together and pulling the girl up.
She shuts the door quietly behind them, Rachel going to lie down out of habit (or instinct, she isn’t sure which anymore). She walks over to her silently and kisses her again, this time her hands slipping underneath the bottom of her shirt. She feels Rachel gasp lightly as her fingertips graze over still flat stomach and then again when her nails scrape across the cotton bra she wears.
“Quinn.” Rachel pulls away and she just uses this moment to pull the brunette’s shirt over her head.
“I don’t understand how he doesn’t see it,” Quinn muses, hands carefully reaching around to unhook the bra that separates her from Rachel’s bare chest.
She feels hands on her arms and she takes her gaze off Rachel’s chest and meets her eyes. “Quinn please,” she pleads.
They know this is the beginning of the end.
Quinn’s fingers silently undo the clasp and Rachel closes her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
She pulls away the bra and then cups Rachel’s tender breast. They’re unnoticeably fuller (to anyone other than Quinn and herself), the tiniest bit more heavy. She squeezes and Rachel hisses, pushing the blonde’s hands away.
“How far along are you?”
“I haven’t gone to the doctor yet.”
Quinn meets her eyes with a glare. (For the first time in a while, she feels like she’s about to encounter the Quinn she knew in high school.) “How late are you?”
She’s silent for a moment, the look of addition etched on to her face. “I’ve just missed my third period.”
Quinn’s eyes widen. She pushes herself off the bed quickly, turning around to look at her girlfriend. Her mouth opens but nothing but dead air comes out. They just stare at each other until Quinn turns around and leaves the room.
Rachel doesn’t move after that. She stays still and silent for five minutes until she puts her shirt back on.
She opens the bedroom door and looks at the living room around her. No lights are on and Quinn’s nowhere in sight. Suddenly the blonde appears, closing Caroline’s door behind her. She doesn’t look at her even thought she knows she’s there, just crosses the hall and goes into the bathroom.
Rachel pads her way across the living room and leans into the doorway, watching Quinn with a confused look on her face. “You’re cleaning.” Her voice is quiet even though the only other sound in the entire apartment is the sound of the sponge against the tub.
Quinn nods as she leans over the side of the tub, scrubbing at a mildew stain in the corner. “When I’m upset, I clean.”
Rachel breathes in deep (then wrinkles her nose because she just inhaled nothing but chemicals) and crosses her arms underneath her chest. “Can you please just say something?”
Quinn laughs. “What would you like me to say Rachel? That I’m happy? It’s obvious that I’m not.”
“I know you’re not… I don’t know what I want you to say, I just need you to say something.”
Quinn won’t look back at her, she just keeps scrubbing at the built up gunk in the corner. “What’re you going to do?”
Rachel looks down. She can still see her feet. Her eyes focus on her flat stomach hiding underneath her plain white shirt. She doesn’t know. She likes the way things are now but- “You’re attached already aren’t you?” Quinn cuts off her thoughts and it’s now that she realizes Quinn’s looking at her.
“I… I don’t know…”
Quinn pushes back the blonde hair that’s fallen out of her messy bun, sponge still in her free hand. “That corner gets a thick cover of mildew every two weeks because the shower doesn’t drain all the way. The stove has two burners that don’t work. There’s mold growing on the windowsill in Caroline’s room because the window doesn’t lock down properly so then snow seeps in. Noah works shitty hours and then does so much during the day because I need him to. The past four years I worked in a shitty diner and now? Yeah, I have a better paying job but I still work insane hours. My daughter doesn’t like me and truth be told, I don’t know her all that well. I had no life before you came back… You don’t want that life Rachel. You don’t want this,” she says, waving her hands around the room.
“It doesn’t have to be like that Quinn… I’d have you and Noah… We could make it work.”
Quinn shakes her head. “And we would live happily ever after? Get your head out of the clouds Rachel.” She pushes past her but stops walking when she hears her girlfriend ask, “Then what do you want me to do?”
Quinn pauses, squares her shoulders and lets out a breath. “Abort it.”
She gasps lightly, the sharp intake of breath hurting her throat. She side steps into the bathroom and throws up (she’s positive this isn’t the morning sickness).
--
“Rach,” he says softly, pushing her shoulder and kissing her temple.
She groans, eyes blinking open as she pushes herself further into the couch. “What time is it?” Her mouth is dry.
She rubs a hand over her face. Her cheeks are sticky.
“A little after 6.” She can hear the shower running. “Why are you sleeping on the couch?”
She looks scared and worried and he automatically assumes the worst.
“I didn’t mean to… I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she starts rambling and he pushes his eyebrows together in confusion.
“For what to happen?” He looks so tired… Maybe Quinn was right; maybe she couldn’t (shouldn’t) do this.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispers so quietly she’s not even sure any sound comes out. But his eyes widen and she knows he heard her, his face becoming completely unreadable.
He leans back on to his knees slightly and then asks, “Are you sure?” (He already knows that she is) She nods and then he does the one thing she almost thought Quinn would do.
He wraps his arms around her, digging his face into her hair and breathing in deep. “It’ll be okay,” he whispers. She lets out a sob and a sigh simultaneously and clutches on to him. She wants so badly to believe him.
The shower turns off and they both tense.
--
They stare at each other in silence, his fists clenching because he could honestly hit her right now.
Just raise his fist and in one fluid motion, punch that blank defiant gaze off her face.
“You told her what?”
She swallows and places her hands in her lap as she looks him straight in the eye. “To abort it.”
He turns around and punches a hole in the wall next to the TV. “What the fuck Quinn?!”
She jumps as she hears his hand scrape and break through the rough plaster but she forces her face to remain looking like she’s in control; like this isn’t tearing her up inside either. “Do you have a better solution Puck,” she asks, voice and eyes daring him to say something that would fix this.
“Yeah I do cunt. It’s this little thing called giving birth and raising the baby. Don’t know if you remember but you did that almost six years ago,” he spits and she rolls her eyes.
“How do you suppose she goes about that?”
“Are you really that much of a heartless bitch? In case you didn’t notice, we are both kind of dating her. And even if we weren’t, we’re still her friends. She can raise that baby with our help.”
Her eyes watch the blood drip from his knuckles as she scoffs. “And how will we do that? We work all the time, she only makes enough to support herself and her dads hate you.”
“It’s my baby Quinn.”
“You’re all eager now aren’t you? You were last time too, all sunshine and fucking rainbows. ‘We can be a family’ and ‘I’ll take care of the both of you’. It’s all bullshit Noah! Do you remember what it was like before Rachel came back? Because I do. I remember us hating each other and hating Caroline and feeling like we were drowning and dying slowly. It won’t be all sunshine and rainbows. It’ll be our last five years only ten times worse.”
He wants to punch her again. “It doesn’t have to be like that with her,” he says through gritted teeth and she stands up from her spot on the couch.
“Then go be with her. Go raise your baby because I don’t want you. You can ruin her all you want but I’m done letting you ruin me.” She walks into their bedroom and shuts the door quietly.
She’s halfway through changing the sheets when she hears the door slam so hard, she can feel the vibrations in her chest.