(no subject)
is anyone ever really there, to protect you? help you if you are in need? in my case, i will never know.
so many people around me. the wind blows, and the leaves are changing from green and brown to yellow and orange. i feel so alone, and its gloomy. as much as i know im not alot, it's empty around my body. shivering in the cold, it's beautiful, but i hate it. emotions and feelings are bare. i don't know what they are. happy or sad i havnt felt either lately. Just Blahhh. as much as i want to be outside walking, jumping in the pile of leaves i helped me mother rake, i cant get myself outthere to enjoy myself. i eat to much and im grumpy. when im with the friends i care about dearly i dont laugh like i want to and i dont feel like i belong, im not unhappy at all, im just lost. Now that i know that no one is there to protect me when im in danger, not even someone you thought would, it makes me think about people, if they care about you and being hurt. of course i dont mind protecting myself, there just comes a time when you cant. and now i feel bad that the person i should dislike for hurting me isnt going to be able to graduate because of me. i didnt want anyone to know, but this is highschool i would have just let it happen and pretend it never did, just like all these years that i have been beaten up, ever since grade school boys have picked on and shoved me, im little and i cant do anything about it and i just get knocked around like a rag doll. this was the time it had to stop. im sorry.