How do you expect me to live alone with just me...
You get your point across much better when you use that certain tone of voice rather than screaming your useless words towards me. I'm done inhaling them and you can't stand it. You can't stand the fact that I'm starting to stick up for myself- the fact that I'm not scared of you and that I don't cry. You should've known you had this coming, I wasn't going to take it in forever.
I find it amusing how you're reasoning for everything is that night and those worthless seven pills that did nothing. "I don't want you putting me through that again." What about what I put myself through? You don't know because you never wanted to know. You'd sit me down and drill me with questions instead of taking me in your arms and spilling it out of me like my mom might have done.
How come I can't just be tired? How come I can't feel good? How come I can't be fine? It frustrates you more when I tell you one of these because you've got it in your head that I'm lying to you and that any chance I get I'm going to slit my wrists. Give it up, would you? No- I forgot you can't because you know me so well and you're always right.
I know you're comparing me to them, I can see it in your eyes every time I mutter something under my breath. Compare all you want, I'm not yours so accept it. It's frustrating that I still can't tell you all of this, I probably never will. I'm waiting it out- 723 more days.
I love how you think her going to Florida just tears me apart. You're so wrong and you fight it every time I confront you. If you don't have to justify your reasoning then why should I? You're like a little kid in the way that you handle things. Quick to say something and quick to take it back once you're confronted.
You're scared at the fact that she's my best friend and that we hangout and talk all the time. That's how things started with them. He would constantly go over there for hours and hours on end. It killed you to know that he'd rather spend time with her and her family instead of at home with us. He'd talk to me about them sometimes, how he felt so comfortable there and that it reminded him of how our family used to be. He found a mom and a dad in her parents that he never found in you. I won't find a mom in you but you shouldn't jump to conclusions because I won't find a mom in her mom either. She's my best friend for all the reasons that you and everyone else can't possibly begin to understand.
You're quick to notice the change in me when I'm quiet, but how about these past few months when I've actually been happy? You wouldn't notice that because whenever we're laughing or talking it's ruined not hours later by something I didn't do right in your eyes. You know that I tell her everything and purposely leave you in the dark. Her knowing every single thing about me is my choice and my choice only. I'm better because of this, but no one seems to understand that. Maybe I am too dependent on her, but you don't do the least bit to help me change that. When you find someone who will actually take the time to listen without saying a word let me know. Until then, things will remain this way.
So keep your words safely repeating in my head. The only time you're actually content with me is right after you get done ruining me. Funny how you can pretend you didn't mean a word after you've called everyone to let them know just how bad of a kid I am. You know you mean everything and you have the world to share it with. I mean everything that I've never said, but I only have paper and a best friend to expose my secrets to.
Let me know when you're ready to talk to me without bringing anyone else into the conversation. Let me know when you're actually going to believe every word I say.
Sincerely Yours,
makeshift + memory.
I find it amusing how you're reasoning for everything is that night and those worthless seven pills that did nothing. "I don't want you putting me through that again." What about what I put myself through? You don't know because you never wanted to know. You'd sit me down and drill me with questions instead of taking me in your arms and spilling it out of me like my mom might have done.
How come I can't just be tired? How come I can't feel good? How come I can't be fine? It frustrates you more when I tell you one of these because you've got it in your head that I'm lying to you and that any chance I get I'm going to slit my wrists. Give it up, would you? No- I forgot you can't because you know me so well and you're always right.
I know you're comparing me to them, I can see it in your eyes every time I mutter something under my breath. Compare all you want, I'm not yours so accept it. It's frustrating that I still can't tell you all of this, I probably never will. I'm waiting it out- 723 more days.
I love how you think her going to Florida just tears me apart. You're so wrong and you fight it every time I confront you. If you don't have to justify your reasoning then why should I? You're like a little kid in the way that you handle things. Quick to say something and quick to take it back once you're confronted.
You're scared at the fact that she's my best friend and that we hangout and talk all the time. That's how things started with them. He would constantly go over there for hours and hours on end. It killed you to know that he'd rather spend time with her and her family instead of at home with us. He'd talk to me about them sometimes, how he felt so comfortable there and that it reminded him of how our family used to be. He found a mom and a dad in her parents that he never found in you. I won't find a mom in you but you shouldn't jump to conclusions because I won't find a mom in her mom either. She's my best friend for all the reasons that you and everyone else can't possibly begin to understand.
You're quick to notice the change in me when I'm quiet, but how about these past few months when I've actually been happy? You wouldn't notice that because whenever we're laughing or talking it's ruined not hours later by something I didn't do right in your eyes. You know that I tell her everything and purposely leave you in the dark. Her knowing every single thing about me is my choice and my choice only. I'm better because of this, but no one seems to understand that. Maybe I am too dependent on her, but you don't do the least bit to help me change that. When you find someone who will actually take the time to listen without saying a word let me know. Until then, things will remain this way.
So keep your words safely repeating in my head. The only time you're actually content with me is right after you get done ruining me. Funny how you can pretend you didn't mean a word after you've called everyone to let them know just how bad of a kid I am. You know you mean everything and you have the world to share it with. I mean everything that I've never said, but I only have paper and a best friend to expose my secrets to.
Let me know when you're ready to talk to me without bringing anyone else into the conversation. Let me know when you're actually going to believe every word I say.
Sincerely Yours,
makeshift + memory.