Stealing Heaven 2/4
I woke up to the sound of Jaejoong ordering a burger through the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant I knew he hated. I didn’t want to actually wake up but the smell of the burger was enough to get me alert. I extended my hand out without opening my eyes and murmured Jaejoong’s name. I could hear Jae roll his eyes at me but he gave me half the burger and kept the other one in dashboard for Changmin to eat when he woke.
Something poked at my lips and I opened my mouth for the flow of what I guessed was coke mixed with rum. Jae always kept a stash of liquor somewhere in the truck. Almost getting jailed when we got stopped at a border was what inspired Jae to keep it in half empty coke cans instead. Since then, we love the taste of coke and alcohol.
My eyes were barely opening as I chewed through the crispy chicken but I could see the sun poking out from all around me. Changmin still slept on my lap and pool of drool collected on my thigh where his mouth was. I smiled; it was kind of cute.
“You want me to drive?” I asked Jae; he was starting to get dark circles under his eyes.
“No, you’ll wake him up if you move.”
“He’s got to wake up sometime.”
“So when he does, you can drive.”
“Where are we?”
“Nowhere yet, a little more highway time and we’ll be in Ilsan.”
Changmin hummed and shifted.
“Jae?”
“Hmm.”
“What are we going to do with this kid? We’re on the road 24/7, we live on fast food and instant noodles and I can safely say that we aren’t the best influences either.”
“It was dumb to take him like that but you saw the state he was in, we couldn’t leave him.”
“I know. But what next?”
“How about one of those orphanage systems? The foster parent thing for children that are in an abusive home? Or the boarding schools that take kids involved in domestic violence.”
I nodded and turned my attention back on the road. That seemed like a good idea. We certainly wouldn’t be able to care of him properly and he wouldn’t wasn’t to be associated with people who’re ultimately going nowhere in life.
I used to think about that when I was young; where am I going, where will I end up. It seemed like there was a purpose hidden somewhere in my existence and I was desperate to find it.
The one thing about growing up with Jaejoong, though, was that he made it seem like life was as simple and complicated as you make it out to be. And slowly I realized that my life didn’t have to purposeful, it could just be. We were together, we were alive and we had things to do, places to see. That’s all it narrowed down to.
Maybe we would think about buying an apartment or something when we got too old to be on the road on all the time but for now, it was actually comfortable to wake up and be in a completely different town with completely different people around you. I could change my identity anytime I wanted and get away with almost anything. The only thing that never changed was having Jae beside me and that was all that I really needed to keep me centered.
I think somewhere deep down, Jae needed me too. He just never mentioned it. Well, I never really mentioned it either. But I guess finding him by my side no matter where we went kind of established the fact that he wanted to stay with me as much I did.
I felt Changmin’s body twitch and his breathing got heavier but a lot more constricted, like he was suffocating. Jae didn’t see it or hear it but I watched him for a while, squirming really subtly and whimpering softly. God, there was no way we’d be able to take care of this little boy.
I wanted to wake him up and end whatever nightmare he was having so I touched his shoulder gently and shook.
He moaned and Jae looked at me, frowning.
“Sorry, umma but he’s having a nightmare.” I patted his shoulder a couple of times and he rolled into himself again, whimpering louder. Almost like he was hiding. I tried not to imagine what situations he had to wake up to.
“It’s okay, Changmin. Wake up.” His eyes fluttered open at my voice and he looked confused. I realized he probably didn’t remember what happened last night.
He got up with a start like he just realized he was drooling on my lap and he was embarrassed. He looked at me and then Jaejoong, big eyes that were slightly watery from waking up so fast.
“Are you hungry?” Jae asked, opening the dashboard and waving the burger at him.
He took the burger but didn’t open it. “Thank you.”
I smiled at him.
“Where are we going?”
“Ilsan.” Jae had one hand on the steering wheel now and he was leaning back.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” I asked, looking at the burger he was clutching onto.
Changmin looked at me. “In front of you?”
I chuckled. “Yes, it’s not like I’m asking you to eat in the nude.”
Changmin looked down, clearly not amused and Jae shot me a look. I rolled my eyes at him.
“We’re going to stop to get gas soon so you can use the bathroom and all that there. Yoochun grabbed your toothbrush too and-” Jae’s speech was interrupted by Changmin’s sniffles. He put his arms around himself tighter and tighter.
“Shit,” I said, “Changmin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean the whole nude thing.”
He shook his head. “N-No, it’s not…” He trailed off as his voice started breaking.
I didn’t know what to do. If this was Jae crying, I would know but anybody else crying just freaks me out. Him especially because he looked pretty young to me and I was never really that good with kids since I myself grew up too fast. Jae on the other hand was a people person to begin with. He knew how to make listen to him, agree with him, like him. His face helped but the way he made words flow was the main reason. That’s why he was always the one who got us this truck dirt cheap when it was worth quite a lot, sweet talking the car dealer.
I looked at Jae with desperate eyes and he stopped the car to the side of the road.
Jae didn’t touch him this time, although I could tell he wanted to.
“He’s…He’s going to kill me. He’s really going to kill me. This was a bad idea. I just know it. Take me back."
I sighed.
“We can’t go back, Changmin. You know that very well. If you go back, he’s still going to hurt you, the only difference will be that you’ll be there alone. If he finds you with us, we won’t let him touch you.”
Changmin held himself tighter, his breathing getting steadier but the tears didn’t stop.
“B-but what if hurts them? Since I’m not there. I have to go back.”
Jae looked at me and I bit on my bottom lip. There was more to this?
“We won’t let you go back,” I finally said.
Jae leaned a little forward, wanting to hug him but he flinched when Jae advanced.
“Why?” His bottom lip quivered and I felt like punching something to get my anger out at whoever made him so helpless. “Why do you care?”
Jae’s eyes shut and I decided I better take over. I was born alone but Jae had run away and it took him 15 years to trust me enough to tell me why.
“Because nobody deserves to live like a prisoner in their own home.”
I motioned to Jae to start the car again and stop at a gas station instead. I could keep him talking to me until then and it would get Jae’s mind off of what I knew he was thinking about. Jae started the car and I turned to Changmin, leaning against the passenger door and crossing my legs up on the car seat.
“You know, Changmin, we’re basically criminals. We rob houses and we’re not proud of it or anything but we do a lot of research before we rob a house. Jae spent about a week near your house and you didn’t even come near a window long enough for him to know you lived here.”
Changmin sniffed.
“He doesn’t let you go out anywhere, does he?”
He shook his head ever so slowly that I wasn’t even sure he was moving.
“You want to talk about it?”
“I went to school when we lived in Seoul w-with Yunho but when he left, Junsu didn’t … he,” I squeezed his hand and nodded, urging him to go on but he didn’t look like he was going to.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
I tried to get Jae to meet my eyes but he wasn’t looking our way. It was one thing to talk to the kid in his house when he was hurt and only half conscious but to have him in front of you, crying, was a completely different thing.
“How old are you, Changmin?” Jae turned his head towards him for a second and then his eyes were back at the road again.
“S-seventeen.”
The kid looked way way way younger than that. Yes, he was tall enough and he had the right body frame but his face looked much younger and he was skinny as hell. My fist clenched again.
When Jae first told me about why he ran away, I had the urge to kill something but he stopped me. Two weeks later, when I cooled down enough, I went to his house and punched his father’s face in. He didn’t talk to me for a whole month and I didn’t fight him. My first kiss with Jae broke that silent treatment when he asked me why I cared so much.
“Did he always beat you?”
“Since dad died, when I was nine.”
We didn’t say much the rest of the way. Jae made Changmin eat the burger but after that, nobody said a word.
I wasn’t used to not talking when we were in the car. It was either talking or music so I reached for the radio dial and tuned it to where I heard a song play. I kept the volume low because I didn’t know whether Changmin would like it or not and pushed my half of the seat back, taking Changmin down with me. He stumbled back, yelping a little at the sudden motion. His hand landed on my chest and his breath was on my face all of a sudden.
“S-Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry, I forgot,” I said when Changmin blushed and straightened.
Jae reached and turned the volume up. A pop song filled the car and Jae reached to change it but stopped when he saw Changmin tapping his fingers, following the beat. I looked at Jae from the corner of my eye and smirked.
“You like this song?”
“I like the singer. The song sucks.”
I laughed, mainly because that’s exactly what I thought about this song. Jae wasn’t much into pop but I listened to everything, even things that pissed the hell out of Jae.
“Um, sir? May I please have a drink of water?” This time Jae laughed.
“He’s not a sir.”
I made a face at Jae but turned to Changmin with a smile. “You don’t have to be so formal. Call me hyung.”
“Hyung?”
“Yea.”
“I don’t think I want to call you hyung.”
“Why not?”
“I called him hyung too and that didn’t stop him from hurting me.”
God, why why why? This shouldn’t have happened. A part of me wished that I had never entered that house so I would be singing with Jae, stretched out in this car seat without the slightest worry clouding my head. As selfish as that sounded, to me too, I seriously wished that because now I couldn’t help but want to hug this kid because, hell, he needed it.
It was silent for a while again, expect for the music, but Jae filled it not long after.
“Changmin, calling him hyung was meaningless; he couldn’t live up to that title. When you think that me and Yoochun have, feel free call us hyung.”
Jae was talking like we were going to spend years with him or something and I slightly wished he hadn’t said that. Part of the reason I liked my life was because there were no bars set, no expectations I had to meet. Jae loved me since the beginning so I didn’t have to worry about disappointing him or impressing him or wanting him to be proud of me. Now I felt like I had to live up to something and hearing Changmin call me hyung would the reward for that.
I looked over at Changmin; he was good looking. Less cuts and bruises and he would be really handsome. His hair really complemented his face shape and body tone. I didn’t know if Jaejoong would notice this but he had the most perfectly shaped eyebrows; something that Jae always bragged about as one his best features.
Jae turned into a gas station that had a small convenience store and he told Changmin to go use the bathroom if he wanted to. I gave Changmin a jacket despite it being quite a warm day. I watched him walk towards the store, hair swaying softly in the wind.
“Why don’t you go with him?”
I looked at Jae through the window as he filled the car with petrol. I blew on the glass and then drew a smiley face in the fog before climbing out and running to catch up with Changmin.
“Wait,” Jae said and I looked back, “get me some chips.”
He threw me his wallet. Changmin was already inside the store when I caught it and turned around.
“And ask Changmin if he wants something.” I waved at Jae to let him know I understood.
I stood with Jae’s chips and my cigarettes in my hand at the news stand in the store. I was waiting for Changmin to get out so I could get him whatever he wanted and then pay. It was funny (not ha ha funny) how many stories there were about celebrity gossip and financial shit but nothing about real life things like little kids being abused and enslaved. I didn’t like thinking like this but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like I was sheltered from the problems of the world before, it was just seeing it so close to me and having to deal with it.
I shook my head. I was making it complicated.
It had been awfully long and Jae was now parked right outside the store instead of at the pump. I decided to knock on the bathroom door. As I got closer, I heard the unmistakable sound of heaving and then sobs and sniffles in the middle of it all.
I cringed.
“Changmin.” I knocked on the door softly. “Are you okay?”
The door opened immediately and he latched onto me like I was the first person he had seen in a long time. He put his arms around my shoulders and held on tight, crying into my neck. I patted his back and took him inside the bathroom, making him tread backwards because he was still holding onto me.
His breath stank of vomit and the bathroom didn’t smell good to begin with but I was in there with him and that made it enough for me to stay.
I made him put his hands on the sink and his head lowered. I rubbed his back anxiously but softly, waiting until the sobs subsided.
“What is it, Changmin? Are you carsick or something?”
“I just … I just haven’t had anything to eat for the past few days and the burger was too much all at once.”
I turned the tap on and wet my hand; I used it to wipe around Changmin’s mouth.
“Stop,” he said, wiping his face of tears, “I’ll do it. You shouldn’t have to. I’m old enough to do this myself.”
He bent over and splashed water on his face then wiped it with the cuff of his shirt.
“He starved you?”
“No.”
“Then why didn’t you eat?”
He looked away. I wanted to hold his hand.
“He said if I got any skinnier, he wouldn’t find me attractive anymore. And I thought maybe if he didn’t like how I looked, he would stop … ”
“Oh baby.” I cupped his face. But he winced and withdrew from me. He didn’t pull away but I could tell he wanted to. He didn’t want or need sympathy, he needed help, he needed a second chance at life. And he was old enough to understand that. I decided I’d have to be more careful about how I talked to him and treated him. I let go and just gave him a pat on the back.
“Let’s go,” I said, and made sure he walked in front of me. “I’ll get you a drink and something lighter to eat.”
He didn’t say anything as I bought him the breath freshener, the bottle of iced tea and paid for it all. He just stood beside me, close enough for me to feel him but never enough to actually touch me.
We climbed in the car and Jae saw the look in my eyes. I gave him an ‘I’ll tell you later’ look as I jumped in the car. Changmin decided to sit by the window this time so I was in the middle. When I asked Jae if I should drive, he said the sleep hours faded and if he slept now, he would ruin the whole cycle. We didn’t like doing that. If it wasn’t for Changmin we would probably park somewhere and sleep because we hated sleeping alone and most of all, we hated driving while the other slept in the passenger seat.
I turned the radio on again when Jae started the engine. I reached over to where Changmin’s hand rested on his thigh and took it in my own hand. He didn’t look at me when I entwined our fingers together but he didn’t pull away either.
I wanted to hug this kid again because, hell, now I needed it.
--
Part 1: Saving Him
Something poked at my lips and I opened my mouth for the flow of what I guessed was coke mixed with rum. Jae always kept a stash of liquor somewhere in the truck. Almost getting jailed when we got stopped at a border was what inspired Jae to keep it in half empty coke cans instead. Since then, we love the taste of coke and alcohol.
My eyes were barely opening as I chewed through the crispy chicken but I could see the sun poking out from all around me. Changmin still slept on my lap and pool of drool collected on my thigh where his mouth was. I smiled; it was kind of cute.
“You want me to drive?” I asked Jae; he was starting to get dark circles under his eyes.
“No, you’ll wake him up if you move.”
“He’s got to wake up sometime.”
“So when he does, you can drive.”
“Where are we?”
“Nowhere yet, a little more highway time and we’ll be in Ilsan.”
Changmin hummed and shifted.
“Jae?”
“Hmm.”
“What are we going to do with this kid? We’re on the road 24/7, we live on fast food and instant noodles and I can safely say that we aren’t the best influences either.”
“It was dumb to take him like that but you saw the state he was in, we couldn’t leave him.”
“I know. But what next?”
“How about one of those orphanage systems? The foster parent thing for children that are in an abusive home? Or the boarding schools that take kids involved in domestic violence.”
I nodded and turned my attention back on the road. That seemed like a good idea. We certainly wouldn’t be able to care of him properly and he wouldn’t wasn’t to be associated with people who’re ultimately going nowhere in life.
I used to think about that when I was young; where am I going, where will I end up. It seemed like there was a purpose hidden somewhere in my existence and I was desperate to find it.
The one thing about growing up with Jaejoong, though, was that he made it seem like life was as simple and complicated as you make it out to be. And slowly I realized that my life didn’t have to purposeful, it could just be. We were together, we were alive and we had things to do, places to see. That’s all it narrowed down to.
Maybe we would think about buying an apartment or something when we got too old to be on the road on all the time but for now, it was actually comfortable to wake up and be in a completely different town with completely different people around you. I could change my identity anytime I wanted and get away with almost anything. The only thing that never changed was having Jae beside me and that was all that I really needed to keep me centered.
I think somewhere deep down, Jae needed me too. He just never mentioned it. Well, I never really mentioned it either. But I guess finding him by my side no matter where we went kind of established the fact that he wanted to stay with me as much I did.
I felt Changmin’s body twitch and his breathing got heavier but a lot more constricted, like he was suffocating. Jae didn’t see it or hear it but I watched him for a while, squirming really subtly and whimpering softly. God, there was no way we’d be able to take care of this little boy.
I wanted to wake him up and end whatever nightmare he was having so I touched his shoulder gently and shook.
He moaned and Jae looked at me, frowning.
“Sorry, umma but he’s having a nightmare.” I patted his shoulder a couple of times and he rolled into himself again, whimpering louder. Almost like he was hiding. I tried not to imagine what situations he had to wake up to.
“It’s okay, Changmin. Wake up.” His eyes fluttered open at my voice and he looked confused. I realized he probably didn’t remember what happened last night.
He got up with a start like he just realized he was drooling on my lap and he was embarrassed. He looked at me and then Jaejoong, big eyes that were slightly watery from waking up so fast.
“Are you hungry?” Jae asked, opening the dashboard and waving the burger at him.
He took the burger but didn’t open it. “Thank you.”
I smiled at him.
“Where are we going?”
“Ilsan.” Jae had one hand on the steering wheel now and he was leaning back.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” I asked, looking at the burger he was clutching onto.
Changmin looked at me. “In front of you?”
I chuckled. “Yes, it’s not like I’m asking you to eat in the nude.”
Changmin looked down, clearly not amused and Jae shot me a look. I rolled my eyes at him.
“We’re going to stop to get gas soon so you can use the bathroom and all that there. Yoochun grabbed your toothbrush too and-” Jae’s speech was interrupted by Changmin’s sniffles. He put his arms around himself tighter and tighter.
“Shit,” I said, “Changmin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean the whole nude thing.”
He shook his head. “N-No, it’s not…” He trailed off as his voice started breaking.
I didn’t know what to do. If this was Jae crying, I would know but anybody else crying just freaks me out. Him especially because he looked pretty young to me and I was never really that good with kids since I myself grew up too fast. Jae on the other hand was a people person to begin with. He knew how to make listen to him, agree with him, like him. His face helped but the way he made words flow was the main reason. That’s why he was always the one who got us this truck dirt cheap when it was worth quite a lot, sweet talking the car dealer.
I looked at Jae with desperate eyes and he stopped the car to the side of the road.
Jae didn’t touch him this time, although I could tell he wanted to.
“He’s…He’s going to kill me. He’s really going to kill me. This was a bad idea. I just know it. Take me back."
I sighed.
“We can’t go back, Changmin. You know that very well. If you go back, he’s still going to hurt you, the only difference will be that you’ll be there alone. If he finds you with us, we won’t let him touch you.”
Changmin held himself tighter, his breathing getting steadier but the tears didn’t stop.
“B-but what if hurts them? Since I’m not there. I have to go back.”
Jae looked at me and I bit on my bottom lip. There was more to this?
“We won’t let you go back,” I finally said.
Jae leaned a little forward, wanting to hug him but he flinched when Jae advanced.
“Why?” His bottom lip quivered and I felt like punching something to get my anger out at whoever made him so helpless. “Why do you care?”
Jae’s eyes shut and I decided I better take over. I was born alone but Jae had run away and it took him 15 years to trust me enough to tell me why.
“Because nobody deserves to live like a prisoner in their own home.”
I motioned to Jae to start the car again and stop at a gas station instead. I could keep him talking to me until then and it would get Jae’s mind off of what I knew he was thinking about. Jae started the car and I turned to Changmin, leaning against the passenger door and crossing my legs up on the car seat.
“You know, Changmin, we’re basically criminals. We rob houses and we’re not proud of it or anything but we do a lot of research before we rob a house. Jae spent about a week near your house and you didn’t even come near a window long enough for him to know you lived here.”
Changmin sniffed.
“He doesn’t let you go out anywhere, does he?”
He shook his head ever so slowly that I wasn’t even sure he was moving.
“You want to talk about it?”
“I went to school when we lived in Seoul w-with Yunho but when he left, Junsu didn’t … he,” I squeezed his hand and nodded, urging him to go on but he didn’t look like he was going to.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
I tried to get Jae to meet my eyes but he wasn’t looking our way. It was one thing to talk to the kid in his house when he was hurt and only half conscious but to have him in front of you, crying, was a completely different thing.
“How old are you, Changmin?” Jae turned his head towards him for a second and then his eyes were back at the road again.
“S-seventeen.”
The kid looked way way way younger than that. Yes, he was tall enough and he had the right body frame but his face looked much younger and he was skinny as hell. My fist clenched again.
When Jae first told me about why he ran away, I had the urge to kill something but he stopped me. Two weeks later, when I cooled down enough, I went to his house and punched his father’s face in. He didn’t talk to me for a whole month and I didn’t fight him. My first kiss with Jae broke that silent treatment when he asked me why I cared so much.
“Did he always beat you?”
“Since dad died, when I was nine.”
We didn’t say much the rest of the way. Jae made Changmin eat the burger but after that, nobody said a word.
I wasn’t used to not talking when we were in the car. It was either talking or music so I reached for the radio dial and tuned it to where I heard a song play. I kept the volume low because I didn’t know whether Changmin would like it or not and pushed my half of the seat back, taking Changmin down with me. He stumbled back, yelping a little at the sudden motion. His hand landed on my chest and his breath was on my face all of a sudden.
“S-Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry, I forgot,” I said when Changmin blushed and straightened.
Jae reached and turned the volume up. A pop song filled the car and Jae reached to change it but stopped when he saw Changmin tapping his fingers, following the beat. I looked at Jae from the corner of my eye and smirked.
“You like this song?”
“I like the singer. The song sucks.”
I laughed, mainly because that’s exactly what I thought about this song. Jae wasn’t much into pop but I listened to everything, even things that pissed the hell out of Jae.
“Um, sir? May I please have a drink of water?” This time Jae laughed.
“He’s not a sir.”
I made a face at Jae but turned to Changmin with a smile. “You don’t have to be so formal. Call me hyung.”
“Hyung?”
“Yea.”
“I don’t think I want to call you hyung.”
“Why not?”
“I called him hyung too and that didn’t stop him from hurting me.”
God, why why why? This shouldn’t have happened. A part of me wished that I had never entered that house so I would be singing with Jae, stretched out in this car seat without the slightest worry clouding my head. As selfish as that sounded, to me too, I seriously wished that because now I couldn’t help but want to hug this kid because, hell, he needed it.
It was silent for a while again, expect for the music, but Jae filled it not long after.
“Changmin, calling him hyung was meaningless; he couldn’t live up to that title. When you think that me and Yoochun have, feel free call us hyung.”
Jae was talking like we were going to spend years with him or something and I slightly wished he hadn’t said that. Part of the reason I liked my life was because there were no bars set, no expectations I had to meet. Jae loved me since the beginning so I didn’t have to worry about disappointing him or impressing him or wanting him to be proud of me. Now I felt like I had to live up to something and hearing Changmin call me hyung would the reward for that.
I looked over at Changmin; he was good looking. Less cuts and bruises and he would be really handsome. His hair really complemented his face shape and body tone. I didn’t know if Jaejoong would notice this but he had the most perfectly shaped eyebrows; something that Jae always bragged about as one his best features.
Jae turned into a gas station that had a small convenience store and he told Changmin to go use the bathroom if he wanted to. I gave Changmin a jacket despite it being quite a warm day. I watched him walk towards the store, hair swaying softly in the wind.
“Why don’t you go with him?”
I looked at Jae through the window as he filled the car with petrol. I blew on the glass and then drew a smiley face in the fog before climbing out and running to catch up with Changmin.
“Wait,” Jae said and I looked back, “get me some chips.”
He threw me his wallet. Changmin was already inside the store when I caught it and turned around.
“And ask Changmin if he wants something.” I waved at Jae to let him know I understood.
I stood with Jae’s chips and my cigarettes in my hand at the news stand in the store. I was waiting for Changmin to get out so I could get him whatever he wanted and then pay. It was funny (not ha ha funny) how many stories there were about celebrity gossip and financial shit but nothing about real life things like little kids being abused and enslaved. I didn’t like thinking like this but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like I was sheltered from the problems of the world before, it was just seeing it so close to me and having to deal with it.
I shook my head. I was making it complicated.
It had been awfully long and Jae was now parked right outside the store instead of at the pump. I decided to knock on the bathroom door. As I got closer, I heard the unmistakable sound of heaving and then sobs and sniffles in the middle of it all.
I cringed.
“Changmin.” I knocked on the door softly. “Are you okay?”
The door opened immediately and he latched onto me like I was the first person he had seen in a long time. He put his arms around my shoulders and held on tight, crying into my neck. I patted his back and took him inside the bathroom, making him tread backwards because he was still holding onto me.
His breath stank of vomit and the bathroom didn’t smell good to begin with but I was in there with him and that made it enough for me to stay.
I made him put his hands on the sink and his head lowered. I rubbed his back anxiously but softly, waiting until the sobs subsided.
“What is it, Changmin? Are you carsick or something?”
“I just … I just haven’t had anything to eat for the past few days and the burger was too much all at once.”
I turned the tap on and wet my hand; I used it to wipe around Changmin’s mouth.
“Stop,” he said, wiping his face of tears, “I’ll do it. You shouldn’t have to. I’m old enough to do this myself.”
He bent over and splashed water on his face then wiped it with the cuff of his shirt.
“He starved you?”
“No.”
“Then why didn’t you eat?”
He looked away. I wanted to hold his hand.
“He said if I got any skinnier, he wouldn’t find me attractive anymore. And I thought maybe if he didn’t like how I looked, he would stop … ”
“Oh baby.” I cupped his face. But he winced and withdrew from me. He didn’t pull away but I could tell he wanted to. He didn’t want or need sympathy, he needed help, he needed a second chance at life. And he was old enough to understand that. I decided I’d have to be more careful about how I talked to him and treated him. I let go and just gave him a pat on the back.
“Let’s go,” I said, and made sure he walked in front of me. “I’ll get you a drink and something lighter to eat.”
He didn’t say anything as I bought him the breath freshener, the bottle of iced tea and paid for it all. He just stood beside me, close enough for me to feel him but never enough to actually touch me.
We climbed in the car and Jae saw the look in my eyes. I gave him an ‘I’ll tell you later’ look as I jumped in the car. Changmin decided to sit by the window this time so I was in the middle. When I asked Jae if I should drive, he said the sleep hours faded and if he slept now, he would ruin the whole cycle. We didn’t like doing that. If it wasn’t for Changmin we would probably park somewhere and sleep because we hated sleeping alone and most of all, we hated driving while the other slept in the passenger seat.
I turned the radio on again when Jae started the engine. I reached over to where Changmin’s hand rested on his thigh and took it in my own hand. He didn’t look at me when I entwined our fingers together but he didn’t pull away either.
I wanted to hug this kid again because, hell, now I needed it.
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Part 1: Saving Him