its been a while
i must say that i am stoked on going to bamboozle april 5 and 6th , or 4th and 5th haha
but i dont know if our store will still be around, or when i come back to work after those two days if we will only have one or two days left
a store as big as expo design center closing is really scary
being layed off at 22 is not comprehendable
im so mentally and emotionally exhausted and its all finally caught up to me
it makes it hard to do hw, and i havent done it for a while
trust me i dont want to fail, but my brain just turned off out of nowhere
i relapsed
i can be doing just fine then out of nowhere, a really painfull sinking ache
takes over my heart, and makes it physically hard to breathe.
and when i get there, its hard to get back and i never saw it coming
i cant reach out to anyone, especially who i want to
and that hurts more, reality slapping u in the face and suffocating you with confusion
and hurt and sadness. im not even angry, i just long to understand
i feel like i cant take a breath unless i do THAT
and ugh....i want to so bad, how i used to, but i get angry with myself because i cant
then i look the other way and see this broad horizon for my future
a blank canvas just ready for me to make my way
then i think, what if i ruin it? like ive done bc im stupid
i get scared to take that step and just run for it
leave this place physically emotionally and mentally
but one day i will. i love pch, but i cant stay here
there are too many things weighing heavily on me, keeping me from freedom
i'm working on it, but like i said, caught off guard and down on my butt i fall
i cant wait for friday, check and taxes back
it means paying off credit cards, saving money, going back to blonde, maybe getting my nose pierced again like i wanted it and it was, getting another tattoo as a symbol of moving forward and taking my feet out of this cement before it dries. then, buying a gym membership for 3 years so i can stop wasting money monthly. i cant wait to get these things done, they are all positive changes and will definitely give me a breath of fresh air.
and when the lay off times come, i cant wait to take some time off. im not eager to find a job because i dont feel like its the right thing to do right now. im being pulled in a different direction and that is okay with me. for once i wont know the future and i couldnt feel more relieved. i know ill get a job, but i need to take care of some things first for myself....and i cant wait to do that. to focus on me and do things because i want to, not because im told to or pressured to do. ive had enough with that and im purposely not doing them, even though i want to.
i cant wait for my independence instead of my little here and theres im out on my own and nobody knows where im at. im not trying to be sneaky, but i just need some me time sometimes.
night!!! time for a shower then michaels
but i dont know if our store will still be around, or when i come back to work after those two days if we will only have one or two days left
a store as big as expo design center closing is really scary
being layed off at 22 is not comprehendable
im so mentally and emotionally exhausted and its all finally caught up to me
it makes it hard to do hw, and i havent done it for a while
trust me i dont want to fail, but my brain just turned off out of nowhere
i relapsed
i can be doing just fine then out of nowhere, a really painfull sinking ache
takes over my heart, and makes it physically hard to breathe.
and when i get there, its hard to get back and i never saw it coming
i cant reach out to anyone, especially who i want to
and that hurts more, reality slapping u in the face and suffocating you with confusion
and hurt and sadness. im not even angry, i just long to understand
i feel like i cant take a breath unless i do THAT
and ugh....i want to so bad, how i used to, but i get angry with myself because i cant
then i look the other way and see this broad horizon for my future
a blank canvas just ready for me to make my way
then i think, what if i ruin it? like ive done bc im stupid
i get scared to take that step and just run for it
leave this place physically emotionally and mentally
but one day i will. i love pch, but i cant stay here
there are too many things weighing heavily on me, keeping me from freedom
i'm working on it, but like i said, caught off guard and down on my butt i fall
i cant wait for friday, check and taxes back
it means paying off credit cards, saving money, going back to blonde, maybe getting my nose pierced again like i wanted it and it was, getting another tattoo as a symbol of moving forward and taking my feet out of this cement before it dries. then, buying a gym membership for 3 years so i can stop wasting money monthly. i cant wait to get these things done, they are all positive changes and will definitely give me a breath of fresh air.
and when the lay off times come, i cant wait to take some time off. im not eager to find a job because i dont feel like its the right thing to do right now. im being pulled in a different direction and that is okay with me. for once i wont know the future and i couldnt feel more relieved. i know ill get a job, but i need to take care of some things first for myself....and i cant wait to do that. to focus on me and do things because i want to, not because im told to or pressured to do. ive had enough with that and im purposely not doing them, even though i want to.
i cant wait for my independence instead of my little here and theres im out on my own and nobody knows where im at. im not trying to be sneaky, but i just need some me time sometimes.
night!!! time for a shower then michaels