Brinley inspired me. :)
I feel like I am at a cross roads in my life--for the first time. And that isn't the only first. first time I have physically ached for something. First time I felt complete. First time I felt at home outside of my family and the first time that I am absolutely terrified that if I make the wrong choice that I'll lose this for good. Who knew that getting older, everything is more complicated. Everything becomes more grey than just black and white. Everything has a downfall and everything has an explanation. There's this place inside of me that aches and yearns for what I think I want, but my thoughts manage to take over and leave me motionless... just thinking the same things over and over and over. I have aspirations. I have wants. I have goals. Yet, I have this overbearing, obtrusive, absolutely frightening decision to make. I want to go back to when I was a kid when I could close my eyes, and spin around, until I felt sick and let my finger stop on the activity I was destined to participate in next. I just want to spin. I just want to have a few moments to myself that I'm not consumed with this alternative. Mostly, I just need to be held. Held in a way that I can whole heartedly relax--- but I don't know if that is even possible anymore. Maybe spinning isn't a smart thing to want because I'm already so tightly wound up.