On another note,
The other day I was writing comic monologues in a character who has none of the same opinions as me. I think I'll post my two favorite rants. I actually like Scotland, so anything my character says against Scotland does not reflect my actual opinion.
Haystack Monologue: I’m a scientist you know, and I discovered, scientifically of course, that haystacks are alive. It turns out that most people raise sheep just to feed the haystacks. Now, in Scotland, it’s different; they raise the sheep there for their own nefarious purposes, so they feed their haystacks cows. That’s why the beef there has mad cow disease; the cows that survive to be made into beef are mad that all their relatives were fed to haystacks.
Scissors monologue: I invented scissors you know. There weren’t any scissors before 1996. People had to cut things with tweezers, it took a long time. You really should be glad I was born. If you don’t remember what life was like before there were scissors, it’s because of all of those memory modifications.
Haystack Monologue: I’m a scientist you know, and I discovered, scientifically of course, that haystacks are alive. It turns out that most people raise sheep just to feed the haystacks. Now, in Scotland, it’s different; they raise the sheep there for their own nefarious purposes, so they feed their haystacks cows. That’s why the beef there has mad cow disease; the cows that survive to be made into beef are mad that all their relatives were fed to haystacks.
Scissors monologue: I invented scissors you know. There weren’t any scissors before 1996. People had to cut things with tweezers, it took a long time. You really should be glad I was born. If you don’t remember what life was like before there were scissors, it’s because of all of those memory modifications.