Moving Day
Ever since I moved to Montana I've been dreading this day... moving day. Actually, it began before then when I moved from Minneapolis to St Paul and the seminary. It's not this particular move that I've been dreading, but the inevitability of another move. It's funny though, because I don't even know when that day's going to be except soon. I just know that I'll be moving again and leaving this place and everyone behind.
What's hard about living life this way is actually learning to live life this way. I struggle between making here easier verses making the move easier. What I mean is the debate of whether or not it's worth trying: trying to get to know the place and trying to get to know the people. When I moved to Montana I wanted to get to know the people, but they judged me pretty quickly and they thought that they knew me. When I moved to Alaska I was amazed how quickly I got to know the people and was integrated into the community. Moving back to St Paul was always an experience as I was never really integrated into the community in the first place so no one ever seemed to miss me.
And then I moved "here". I'm from this part of Iowa so one might call it home but I've never lived in this community before. When I came here I didn't know how long I was going to stay but I knew that I would be moving. On one hand I don't want to start relationships that'll have to end: I come with an expiration date. But on the other hand I'm sick of living this way. It makes me feel like I'm living for tomorrow and not today.
Frankly living this way only serves to keep me in my safe shell. It's become easier for me to assert my work personae than I am at the personal personae. Therefore, justifying not trying to get to know others becomes just another justification.
So I joined a church (and I'm on the verge of planning an ordination!) and I started volunteering in the community and in politics. I haven't made as many friends here as I did in Alaska (evidence by the fact that if I don't plan it then nothing happens), but I've still made some. I've made enough connections here that it'll be bitter sweet to leave. This time I wont just be leaving Iowa, but a little piece of home.
What's hard about living life this way is actually learning to live life this way. I struggle between making here easier verses making the move easier. What I mean is the debate of whether or not it's worth trying: trying to get to know the place and trying to get to know the people. When I moved to Montana I wanted to get to know the people, but they judged me pretty quickly and they thought that they knew me. When I moved to Alaska I was amazed how quickly I got to know the people and was integrated into the community. Moving back to St Paul was always an experience as I was never really integrated into the community in the first place so no one ever seemed to miss me.
And then I moved "here". I'm from this part of Iowa so one might call it home but I've never lived in this community before. When I came here I didn't know how long I was going to stay but I knew that I would be moving. On one hand I don't want to start relationships that'll have to end: I come with an expiration date. But on the other hand I'm sick of living this way. It makes me feel like I'm living for tomorrow and not today.
Frankly living this way only serves to keep me in my safe shell. It's become easier for me to assert my work personae than I am at the personal personae. Therefore, justifying not trying to get to know others becomes just another justification.
So I joined a church (and I'm on the verge of planning an ordination!) and I started volunteering in the community and in politics. I haven't made as many friends here as I did in Alaska (evidence by the fact that if I don't plan it then nothing happens), but I've still made some. I've made enough connections here that it'll be bitter sweet to leave. This time I wont just be leaving Iowa, but a little piece of home.