Another One of My Realizations...
All right, so today, something else dawned on me: My patience for people and things has shot to hell!!
Now, I've become everything I never thought I'd be, and don't really like. I've become one of those take-it-or-leave-it, love-me-or-hate-me people! I figured it out today, when I was coming back from lunch, coffee, and the beach with Megan. I kept asking myself and her, why don't I talk to people who used to be my everything? Why haven't I reached out to people who have spent years trying - in various ways - to reach out to me?
Because of a five-letter sentence: I don't give a fuck!!
Not anymore! Kinda tired of being manipulated, screwed around with, and being someone else's bargaining chip. Kinda tired of having empty conversations with equally empty people, and above all else, I'm tired of the way I feel when things like this happen to me. So, I'm done. As of tonight, I'm so done with these particular people who know very well who they are (don't worry - it's probably not you or anyone you know, for those people who are going to be posting, asking if they're on my new list). As a matter of fact, I'm disabling the posting procedure on this entry, because it's probably not you. You're probably not my problem. But you probably know who is.
Anyway, I just decided that it's really time that I do things for me now. I've been thinking about it for far too long, with no real tangible results....
Did I mention I went to the beach today? I've never been to the beach before in loafers. It obviously wasn't planned, or I wouldn't have worn loafers. I had a lot of fun. I think watching the serenity of not only the water, but the people who were sprawled out across the sand made me realize how serene and calm I want things to be for me. Yes, there will be - plenty - of things that I cannot control, and yes, not being able to control everything will still bother me, but I am going to have better control over the things that I can control. It only makes sense. I'm taking charge - again - of my life.
And it feels good...