I need to tell you I love you
Title: I need to tell you I love you ( sequel to Would You Know If I Miss You Too )
Author: onkeyloves
Pairings: onew/key
Ratings: G
Genre: Romance? I really don't know >,<
Summary: Kibum knows, he knows and he needs to say I love you.
dedicated to silverlaces
-----
After much persuasion from his dongsengs, Kibum decided to head home to bathe...
-Flashback-
"Kibum. Jinki wouldn't want to see you like that when he wakes up. Why don't you go home and wash up?" Jonghyun chided.
Kibum quickly shook his head.
He did not want to leave Jinki's side, he wanted to be the first person Jinki sees when he open his eyes.
"Hyunnie-hyung's right, umma. Appa wouldn't want to see you like that" Taemin who have arrived from school softly added.
Kibum was just about to argue but Minho interrupted.
"We'll inform you immediately if there is anything. Do it for Jinki-hyung, you know he wouldn't want you to be like that."
Kibum stared back at Minho and saw determination in his eyes.
"Make sure to call me right away if there is anything." With that, Kibum took a last look at Jinki and headed home.
-End of Flashback-
Kibum entered Jinki's room and immediately his scent started to enclose around him. He advanced to Jinki's bed and crawl under the covers; hoping the scent to linger all over him. No one understood how much Jinki meant to him, no one would understand how much he missed Jinki. He had to stay strong though, for the members. Jinki would want him to be the pillar of strength for them.
Just then, his palm hit something under the pillow and he scurried up to lift the pillow up.
It was Jinki's diary.
He slowly opened it at a random page and started reading an entry.
sometimes disappointments kick in,
& you're at the edge where falling doesn't seem so scary anymore,
thats when you realise,
maybe things just aint in your favour.
& you learn to let go,
but you always look back,
not because you want to,
but because you regret,
yet knowing you can’t step backwards anymore.
sometimes you wish someone was just here,
but you won't ask, you won't say, you won't show
because you don't want to be a burden,
you know they are not involved
,you know they have better things in mind,
& you thank god you knew.
its when time asks for it,
the cameras rolling, the lights flickering,
& there you stand in the midst of the crowds,
making sure you put on a smile,
making sure you put others infront of you,
cause you're just not worth dwelling on.
& you tell yourself,
its okay to be alone,
its okay to cry in the dark,
& its good you're finally depending on yourself,
& that no one will realise this facade no matter how hard they try.
cause its you,
you've learn to master the skills of illusions.
love,
the biggest idiot on earth.
Kibum widened his eyes, Jinki had never told him anything before. He quickly flipped to the next page.
I love him, and I finally got him.
But I know I'll never be good enough.
He never said I love you.
It didn't used to matter.
Yet now, I need so much assurance,
& no one's here to give it to me.
I wish I wasn't so much fail.
I wish I wasn't the leader.
But I have to be strong for SHINee, go ONEW! Show your best smile.
Love, me.
Kibum's heart began to wrench in pain.
I love you, I love you, I love you, he kept chanting. Why didn't he say it before? He thought Jinki was able to feel it; He didn't think that he needed to use words. Kibum turned to the last entry...
Damn it, this headache had been bothering me since forever! I can’t let anyone know though, I don’t want to a burden again, I just can’t let my members down again. These few days, I kept making mistakes, & it’s taking a toll on everyone. Damn this headache, all these painkillers aren’t even helping me.
Oh god, won’t you please lessen the pain?
Love,
the asshole that keeps pulling others down with him.
Realization hit Kibum, Jinki refused to tell anyone about his condition. Oh Jinki... why didn’t you say anything about it? Kibum didn’t know Jinki was suffering all alone all the while. Memories of how they use to shake their head at the leader for falling during dance practice, or how Jinki always look so pale but insisted on finishing rehearsals...It was all coming back to him and he never felt so guilty before.
At this point, Kibum rushed out of the house with the diary tightly clenched around his hands. He wants to be beside Jinki, oh wait; he needs to be with Jinki, he needs to tell him how much he love him. His heart started to race.
-----
At the hospital, someone’s heartbeat started to go faster.
Can you feel my heartbeat?
-------
okayokay! I was so happy and touched with all the incoming comments and my heart flutter at all of it so I didn't want to disappoint you guys so I made another part to the first one!
But I think I just disappoint you guys ):
This is kinda like the sequel to the first part.
But yet, again I left it hanging >,<
i'm so sorry!! dont kill me!
Comments are HUGELY appreciated!
I live by comments, so if there isnt i'll have no inspiration at all ):
so no silent readers please?!?!?!
LOVE YOU ALL <333 & loads of onkey love to give! >,<