i was waiting for the fall...

[oniyindreamz]

I envy those who don't feel guilt, don't feel remorse... and don't think about how that makes others feel inside. I envy people who can lie, live a lie, tell a lie... as if it were the truth. I envy those who have there cake, and also eat it.... I do not envy those who critisize others for what they've done, but then eventually lead the same path themselves... and hurt others, as they've once been hurt before. I never thought i'd be where i'am right now... crying over my keyboard as if my life were a drama, a myspace soap opra. I can't even bring myself to be mad at "them" because i was once there.... i did the same thing they're doing right now. Because i didnt care, i wanted him more. It's almost as if the karma is coming right at me, and hes just running his cycle through the wash again. I love him, more than anything... more than any single person i ever "thought" i loved in the past. I can't bring myself to face the fact that this is happening. It shouldnt be happening... ive done nothing wrong here. I gave all i could give, i told him all my hopes, all my dreams.. my fears.. my regrets... he knew me. inside and out. better than anyone. my future is him, my future was him? and now.... its a blank space again. Ive never given out so much undesurving trust in my life, and i never will again.

what exactly did i do to desurve this?
and now iam left with what?
broken up memories.
the good to the bad...
...the best of my life.

Now i just breathe, and wait for whatever happens next...