self-compassion
Probably the most important idea I've gotten out of therapy is this idea of self-compassion. I've been especially bad at this, basically forever. It's not healthy.
The idea, roughly, is that you want to treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend; we're good at extending kindness, understanding and encouragement to other people! But we're often so harsh to ourselves; our internal monologue can be like a stream of verbal abuse.
But you can't help your friend or loved one by browbeating them. Same with yourself! You're like your own child, in a sense; you've got to take care of yourself.
Also like your friend or your child, you don't want to encourage yourself to fall into a pit of self-indulgence. Your wouldn't be happy to find your respected friend, or you child, wallowing in a mire of ice cream and porn -- at least not for too long! You want them to eat healthy foods and get sensible exercise and read a book! And you certainly don't want them to crunch up into a ball of self-directed rage and despair of ever feeling better and keep punching walls and/or their own body.
You can extend this compassion to yourself too! You deserve, as a human being, this kind of compassion, whether or not you're currently winning at whatever.
The TEDx talk on the topic is definitely worth watching: https://youtu.be/IvtZBUSplr4
The speaker, Kristen Neff, is a psychology researcher, and this is her primary topic: she writes about it all the time and has possibly-helpful exercises over on http://self-compassion.org .
Cross-posted from
alexr_rwx
Original post here: https://alexr-rwx.dreamwidth.org/371637.html
The idea, roughly, is that you want to treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend; we're good at extending kindness, understanding and encouragement to other people! But we're often so harsh to ourselves; our internal monologue can be like a stream of verbal abuse.
But you can't help your friend or loved one by browbeating them. Same with yourself! You're like your own child, in a sense; you've got to take care of yourself.
Also like your friend or your child, you don't want to encourage yourself to fall into a pit of self-indulgence. Your wouldn't be happy to find your respected friend, or you child, wallowing in a mire of ice cream and porn -- at least not for too long! You want them to eat healthy foods and get sensible exercise and read a book! And you certainly don't want them to crunch up into a ball of self-directed rage and despair of ever feeling better and keep punching walls and/or their own body.
You can extend this compassion to yourself too! You deserve, as a human being, this kind of compassion, whether or not you're currently winning at whatever.
The TEDx talk on the topic is definitely worth watching: https://youtu.be/IvtZBUSplr4
The speaker, Kristen Neff, is a psychology researcher, and this is her primary topic: she writes about it all the time and has possibly-helpful exercises over on http://self-compassion.org .
Cross-posted from
alexr_rwx
Original post here: https://alexr-rwx.dreamwidth.org/371637.html