My New Kiruv Program : First Do No Harm.
I read a lot of Off-the-Derech blogs. A lot.
Most have at least one thing in common. Someone frum acted like a jerk. More than once and more than twice. This led the blogger to thinking that maybe frum people were full of crap in general. And once they started thinking, they saw that the data could easily be interpreted against orthodoxy, against Judaism, against religion in general.
So here is my advice for all kiruvnicks, chabad or Aish or anyone else, not that you asked for it.
1.Stop expending all that energy on giving out shabbos candles and putting tefilin on people and giving out menorah kits. Stop with the websites, with the shluchim, with the shabbatons, with the videos.
2. Instead, focus on the people already within the fold. Do they know that the ben-adam-lechaveiro mitzvos are just as important as the other ones, if not more so? I'm going to guess that they don't, that they have no clue. I'm going to guess that most frummies think that being a mentch is, of course, valuable, but being that anyone can be decent and kind, even gentiles (!), we actually need to focus on what really makes Jews stand out- like shabbos and kashrus and Chanukah. That's why a Monsey butcher who sells traife chickens is run out of town while petitions circulate to inform everyone that Agriprocessors is innocent until proven guilty. That's why yeshiva boys know incredible amounts of minutae about which bracha to say first and which one next and which one last, but everyone is at a loss to explain how chareidi thugs continue beating up people who violate their codes.
3. More specifically, if you are an Orthodox Jew interested in kiruv, look first to the other Orthodox Jews in your community.
*Are there people who need need training on how to parent their children so they don't come out damaged or deranged? Maybe give out pamphlets and parenting kits erev shabbos for that.
*Are there husbands who slap their wives around a bit? Send them to a summer program.
*Are there business people who cut corners here and there, especially when dealing with nonJewish companies? Are there whole apartment buildings full of people who collect welfare while working off the books? Make a kiruv video about the beauty of being honest.
*Are there teachers who humiliate students? Do you have mechanchim who teach hatred for those who look differently or practice differently? Consider establishing a remedial learning program for these poor souls who don't belong in the regular system.
*Are there shluchim who talk about how hot their wives are in bed to their congregants on shabbos morning? Start a beginner's class on Tuesday nights.
*Are there rabbis who drink themselves into a stupor at every possible opportunity? Collect tzedakah to send them to rehab.
*Does your community, perhaps, have "gedolim" who are obnoxious, clueless or controlling? Do you have leaders who ignore child molestors? Do you have people who judge others and invent chumros to make themselves feel holy? Start an in-patient organization to help these handicapped individuals. We will all generously give to this cause.
Maybe kiruv is not your thing. Okay, let's talk mussar. Can you imagine what the frum community would look like if the shul gabboim would say- hey, I'm sorry, I heard that you cheated on your wife with a hooker, so that means we can't count you for a minyan anymore. Sorry. Hey, we understand that you humiliated a student in your class because she was wearing socks instead of tights so we have to send you to a special sensitivity training workshop before you are allowed to return to your teaching post.
I remember, once, about two years ago, I went to a vort for a daughter of a shul member. It was a beautiful party and everyone was so happy. I went out of the banquet hall to make a phone call and the father of the bride was there. Maybe he was a little buzzed or something, but he was friendly, said some kind words, maybe 4-5 sentences to the effect that he wishes such happiness to me, the joy of marrying off his first child, etc, etc. He said lechayim and smiled and went downstairs. I was shocked. He had no reason to speak to me. I am female and he is a chassidic man, a rabbi. I was not a kiruv case he was working on and he wasn't calling to find out if I could pick up his kids from school or if my husband was available for minyan. That exchange did way more for me than learning years of Tanya or lighting millions of shabbos candles. Whenever people speak badly of chassidim who treat women poorly nowadays, I always remeber that man and think- well, maybe not all of them treat women that way, that guy could have looked away, left without saying anything, but he still chose to say something kind even though he didn't have to. That was two years ago.
Think about how much effort chabad puts into sending shluchim around the world to teach others about bein adam lemakom stuff. Think about what the Orthodox community would look if we sent all those shluchim to Brooklyn, to Monsey, to Cleveland, to Baltimore, to Beit Shemesh to work with our own communities on bein adam lechaveiro.