Dedicated to...
Within a perfect person such as himself, there would be absolutely no sort of creases nor flaws; or so he had thought.
He guessed he was wrong after all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“I don’t think I can stop even if I wanted to,” Ryo mutters softly, exhaling with a small sigh and leaned the side of his head on the seat of the couch that he was occupying. Grabbing a small pillow, he proceeded to curl up in his seat and buried his face into said pillow, muffling his sudden scream of frustration.
Subaru, who had been leaning against the Kanjani8 dressing room door frame jumped a bit with surprise at the unexpected outburst, but managed to keep his calm. He began softly, “Don’t you think it’s just a matter of choice? You can choose to stay quiet about it, or you can choose to tell the rest about it. You’ll never know until you’ve tried it out.”
There was a small pause from the frontman before he continued, “Though I’m quite positive that Ohkura and Hina’s already noticed. Shaking badly during practice and regular trips to the bathroom; then coming back trying to look all fine and dandy. Ryo, don’t you think it’s actually quite hard for the others to not notice what’s really going on?”
A still-muffled reply, “...bet Yoko doesn’t yet.”
A chuckle. “He’s sort of a special case. Contrary to what many thought, Yuukan Club did not make him any smarter like he had hoped.” Subaru’s lips curled into a small, wry smile.
Ryo gave a snort and lifted his face from the pillow to shoot him a dull look, “You’d better not let him hear that, then.”
“He’s too busy scaring Shige with a caterpillar to be listening in on us.” Subaru indicated with a thumb-jab in the direction of NEWS’ dressing room down the hall. A second later, said law student’s terrified shrieks could apparently be heard from as far as the ground floor. They were on the fifth floor. The juniors were deeply impressed.
Wincing at the offending sound, Ryo frowned, “Why doesn’t he seem to have a voice that loud when we’re performing live or on tour?”
Settling down on the plush seat next to his bandmate, Subaru who was with his own frown said, “Don’t even try changing the subject, Ryo. You should really just come clean with the rest, you know. It’s troublesome, yes; but I’m sure there were other sempais who have gotten off from worse problems before. I don’t see why you’re hesitating so much, now of all times.”
Looking at Ryo straight in the eye, Subaru held his gaze as best as he could and stated, “You’ll be in that new sports drama together with Uchi, won’t you? What if the media ever got wind of this? Once you get caught, it'll all be over. The drama will most probably be cancelled, even if you’re just a guest star. You know that better than anyone else, Ryo. Plus, considering Uchi’s track record, once this single drama chance blows, Kitagawa isn’t ever going to let him come back ever again, no matter how much anyone begs.”
Ryo looks away from Subaru, averting guilty eyes at the mention of Uchi’s name. “Do you have to make it sound so bad? We don’t even know who else knows about this yet.” His eyes travelled everywhere but just plainly refused to look at Subaru; afraid that he might crack under the pressure and give into the other’s wishes.
Subaru begged a bit, “Will you please just stop avoiding it? Who knows about this matter is not the problem here. I’m just stating the consequences that you clearly know very well. And speaking of Uchi, does he know about this?” There was a sudden frown creasing between the lead singer’s brows at the realisation that even the Sexy Osaka Man’s currently-suspended best friend might not know about his condition.
With shifty eyes, Ryo hugged his pillow, pulled up his legs to his chest and began twiddling his thumbs. “I’ve not seen him this entire week. Said something about wanting to be properly prepared before filming starts. Don’t even know why he bothers so much...” Ryo’s voice trailed off and he looked down at his fingers, adamant and not wanting to meet Subaru’s eyes.
The Red Ranger finally lost his patience and snapped at Ryo. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, will you?!” Subaru’s sudden harsh tone made Ryo snap his head back to look at the main vocalist, so quickly that he swears he could’ve heard a soft ‘crick’ at the base of his neck. His eyes widened.
“How long are you going to continue weaving this twisted web of lies of yours? One after another, day after day; everyday single freaking day you do it! It’s so painfully obvious to anyone who’s willing to pay the least bit of attention to what you do, damn it; and I’m just fucking sick of it all. I swear if you don’t stop it now, you’re only digging deeper into your own grave!!” Ryo tried to take in all of the words, but he just couldn’t see properly anymore at this point. He was being shaken so strongly that his teeth had threatened to fall out.
There was a small stutter, and Subaru continued with his teeth grit, “I-I’m trying hard not to be nosy here, but we’re nakama, aren’t we?? I can’t help you unless you start helping yourself; and I refuse to just stand back and watch you kill yourself like an idiot!!” Dark brown eyes flashed dangerously just a couple of inches from Ryo’s face, and the scorching intensity that he could see within them made his breath hitch with apprehension; his own eyes wide and anticipating. Ryo could hear his heart thundering away in his chest, going a mile a minute.
He could not recall Subaru ever being in such an angry state. It was always just mild irritation at a fellow member’s slip-up during a song or at most, a short blow-up when something unexpected screwed up horribly with their plans. It always generally harmless, lasted for only a short while; and not to mention much, much less frightening.
But never this, no. He had never man-handled Ryo in such a manner before; grasping his shirt collar and harshly shaking him, screaming into his face for all that he was worth. As if he needed to shake Ryo up from whatever horrible nightmare that was fogging his vision and ability to think rationally; to just see what was actually there, right in front of him…
But within that anger that he could see so clearly in Subaru, Ryo also saw a sliver of sorrow and deep grief that was hidden away within the depths of overwhelming rage. Ryo saw that Subaru was angry; angry at Ryo because he stupidly did not want to seek anyone’s help. Stupidly believing in his own over-sized ego, and that he could handle everything with his own hands; when those very same pair of hands was what that had gotten him into this stupid, annoying mess in the first place.
Ryo also saw that Subaru was angry at himself for being incapable of helping Ryo when the poison-tongued Osakan obviously needed some sort of attention. Not that he ever made it public, much less consulted anyone or would even accept any help, but Subaru just needed to blame someone, anyone.
But more than anything, Ryo realised that Subaru was just sad about the entire sickening situation. Sad and utterly miserable that Ryo wasn’t willing to seek help or treatment from others, even if it meant that his career would be on the line for it. Such was the value of their relationship, and Subaru had felt like the most pathetic human in existence when he couldn’t even help a friend who had so obviously needed him.
Ryo had not noticed that tears had begun leaking out of the corners of Subaru’s eyes throughout his little outburst. By now they were already running in tiny rivulets down his smooth cheeks, his eyes red and extra bloodshot from all the shouting he had done.
There was a pang that struck through Ryo’s heart when he saw this, and he felt an dull, unfamiliar ache in his chest. He opened his dry mouth desperately to say something, just anything-to wipe the sorrowful look off Subaru’s face, and also to erase the uncomfortable, wrenching pain he was feeling, when all of a sudden-
A loud crash resounded in the hallway, something large and hairy had tumbled across the carpeted floor; through the open door and all the way into the Kanjani8 dressing room.
Ryo and Subaru each gave a small, shocked gasp, and had broken away from their unconscious, rigid gaze into each other’s eyes. Flustered and slightly confused, they both simultaneously turned their attention to the sudden intrusion and source of much headache-inducing noise.
Said source of noise gave a couple of small coughs before slowly looking up to the duo sitting on the couch, and proceeded to blink cutely at them. Maru broke into a bright grin that lighted up his entire face before chirping out, “Baru! Ryo-chan! What are you guys doing here??” His eyes were still twinkling mischievously from whatever “fun sport” he was participating in earlier; quite possibly something that involved Yoko, Shige and a live caterpillar.
With a small start, Subaru quickly looked over to the other side, away from Maru’s inquisitive eyes and hastily wiped his eyes dry on a shirt sleeve. “No-nothing, Maru-chan. J-just going over some performance details with Ryo-chan here.” He proceeded to hurriedly scramble off the couch and towards the still-open door.
With a hand on the doorframe and voice shaking vaguely, Subaru continued, “U-um…I need to go see the manager to confirm a few things. See you during the rehearsal later, o-okay?” and without waiting for an answer, Subaru had fled from the dressing room; as fast as his skinny, unsteady legs had allowed him to.
Ryo frowned slightly and gave a small sigh, slowly stood up from the couch and just as slowly, stretched out his nearly-cramping legs. “I think I’ll be going, too. Need to settle some things with Pi for a photoshoot tomorrow. See you later, alright?” And without waiting for an answer, he too, had just walked out, mumbling a few curses softly under his breath.
The Orange Ranger stood up and just stayed rooted to his spot, cheerfully waving the pair off with a grin spread wide on his face. A few seconds after he was sure they had left, the grin immediately dropped from his handsome face; quickly being replaced with a sorrowful expression which was directed at the couch. He heaved a heavy sigh of his own and lethargically combed his bangs back over the top of his head. Turning towards the window, he looked out, and stared morosely at the sky that was being bathed a bloody red all over by the sinking ball of setting sun; muttering a quiet, “Ryo-chan…”
The relationship between the two was never quite the same again.
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