(no subject)
Everything is just really empty and dull\boring. seems like the same thing day in and day out, i have to take a shower, brush my teeth, go to school, come home, do hw, and sit around till i can fall asleep. Plus dave is back from college. Good and bad.
For a while there, people were being so critical of what i said, i think i just dont bother anymore now. If you don't have enough intelligence and understanding to know that what i'm saying has a deeper meaning and to know where i am comming from (not trying to push your buttons or piss you off) then... i dont know. Then you probably shouldnt talk to me. I guess its the sad ass truth. But then again, i suuppose i'm way better off without talking to someone who i will always have to explain everything i say. Also, if they were someone who needed explanation, i dont want to talk to them anyway, because they obviously dont know me at all, and will most likely take what i say, twist it around, and use it against me behind my back. That's happened alot lately too. I try and talk to people, be real with them, and they take wat i say and try and screw me over behind my back. What a way to get to like society...yeah..
There's that stuff. and theres my relationships with people. My girlfriend, my parents, my friends. All not going very well. I really feel like my whole world is going to crash down on me, and im just gonna be all alone in the end. Like always. I think that time has arrived, once again. That, or i just got back from one shitty day at school and im extremely depressed lately. But if i am to be alone in the end, you'd think i'd want to work on my relationships. actually i do. I jsut dont think anybody on the other side of my relationships thinks that. I want to work on them, i dont really know if i can do it right this week, or second. I really just want to get done with school because then i know i can relax and be myself. I just hope people stick in there with me, and i am really trying hard to not take any of my shit out on other people. I slipped up at the end of school today. It wasn't cool. It jsut made me feel worse, and i realize takign things out on people i love isnt the best idea. Which is why i would like to be able to talk to someone i have a relationship with, Who wont take wat i say and be Objective about it, someone who can jsut LISTEN to my words, and not try to Challenge or find blame in them.
I have to go now. Im going to call mackenzie to apologize for being an asshole at the buses. It wasnt a good idea too, because she is under the weather.
goodbye