All at once . . .
For the last few months I have been really making an effort to turn things around. I've tried to move forward and into new directions with my personal and professional life and have been doing pretty well.
One trade off is my free time. I seem to be working 7 days a week and 12+ hours a day so that I can build a new career without letting go of my current job.
Today is one of those days where it has all caught up with me and at the same time, a world of shit has fallen on my shoulders and I can barely breathe.
Hui Ping is upset with me, work has been a disaster, I'm behind in a million projects and despite my efforts to work round the clock, my finances are pitiful.
With just a little bit of prodding, I'd be more than happy to pack a few belongings and leave my life behind for good. I just want a new start and a life that is as simple as I can stand.
Between the voice mail from three separate phones, emails, letters, bills and handwritten messages that I have to crawl through every day, the health issues, the debts, the lousy attitudes of customers, colleagues and friends and now the issue with Hui Ping, I am at my wit's end.
Stupid stuff. Last night I told Hui Ping that the carton of egg salad that she left for me to make sandwiches was really potato salad. She did this before and I just simply reminded her that potato salad is a side dish and not good for sandwiches.
She asked me the difference because the carton said "egg potato salad" and I remarked that the potatoes were the difference. They are just not something you put on a sandwich. She clearly didn't understand and the point became a bit belabored because for some reason, she just didn't understand my point. I finally just walked away and said "I don't want argue about this, we'll just eat it as a side dish and if you look for egg salad for sandwiches, just avoid the potatoes."
Within seconds, she was crying and accused me of jumping all over her and losing my temper too quickly. Well, I just apologized and told her that I wasn't upset, but that I didn't know what else to say about the matter and just wanted to let it go.
Now, I happen to know that her day at work was miserable and she is hating her job, but we really do our best to not bring home the crap from our jobs.
She slept on the couch, left without saying good-bye and hasn't picked up her phone when I call.
I'm not perfect. I did apologize and did my best to let her know that I wasn't upset with her, but nothing worked. When I look at other couples and see just what kind of insensitive, thoughtless and abusive shits most guys can be, it just wears me down.
If I could find a nice, warm, padded, dark hole somewhere, I'd crawl into it and hibernate for about four months . . .
I feel completely empty right now.
One trade off is my free time. I seem to be working 7 days a week and 12+ hours a day so that I can build a new career without letting go of my current job.
Today is one of those days where it has all caught up with me and at the same time, a world of shit has fallen on my shoulders and I can barely breathe.
Hui Ping is upset with me, work has been a disaster, I'm behind in a million projects and despite my efforts to work round the clock, my finances are pitiful.
With just a little bit of prodding, I'd be more than happy to pack a few belongings and leave my life behind for good. I just want a new start and a life that is as simple as I can stand.
Between the voice mail from three separate phones, emails, letters, bills and handwritten messages that I have to crawl through every day, the health issues, the debts, the lousy attitudes of customers, colleagues and friends and now the issue with Hui Ping, I am at my wit's end.
Stupid stuff. Last night I told Hui Ping that the carton of egg salad that she left for me to make sandwiches was really potato salad. She did this before and I just simply reminded her that potato salad is a side dish and not good for sandwiches.
She asked me the difference because the carton said "egg potato salad" and I remarked that the potatoes were the difference. They are just not something you put on a sandwich. She clearly didn't understand and the point became a bit belabored because for some reason, she just didn't understand my point. I finally just walked away and said "I don't want argue about this, we'll just eat it as a side dish and if you look for egg salad for sandwiches, just avoid the potatoes."
Within seconds, she was crying and accused me of jumping all over her and losing my temper too quickly. Well, I just apologized and told her that I wasn't upset, but that I didn't know what else to say about the matter and just wanted to let it go.
Now, I happen to know that her day at work was miserable and she is hating her job, but we really do our best to not bring home the crap from our jobs.
She slept on the couch, left without saying good-bye and hasn't picked up her phone when I call.
I'm not perfect. I did apologize and did my best to let her know that I wasn't upset with her, but nothing worked. When I look at other couples and see just what kind of insensitive, thoughtless and abusive shits most guys can be, it just wears me down.
If I could find a nice, warm, padded, dark hole somewhere, I'd crawl into it and hibernate for about four months . . .
I feel completely empty right now.