WHY HAS EVERYONE REPRODUCED?
I think it's easier for me to believe that people want nothing to do with me than to believe that they actually care about me. It's sad, really. So much insecurity.
So, Ramon came down from Washington because of Pablito's death. It was great having him around, but also unnerving. The beach at night was amazing, even if things were lost... and sometimes I forget how much history I have with people. Sammie is so big, and both our moms commented how I can't carry my son anymore because he's too big. We went to the movies twice yesterday. The second time at Midnight because no one had celebrated Ashley's brother's birthday, and Ramon is so much like my uncle and chief that he made us all get dressed and do whatever the kid wanted.
But going to movieco with Jocy and Amy and such was such a big slap in the face. Just the car ride and such. Jocy is pregnant again. And Ramon's wife wouldn't stop calling. HIS WIFE. she'd put THEIR DAUGHTER on to talk to him. What's weird is that listening to them talk, one would think that they're still in high school. I guess they might as well be. But like...I dunno it's strange to see people who are not grown up yet have to act like it. Why has everyone around me reproduced?!!?!? I really truly feel left out. Like I don't fit in because I'm not going through the things they are. I don't have the same worries or triumphs. They're also dealing with buying houses and making money and getting benefits...it's nuts. My world is Midd, and a wonderful world it is. But they don't understand that. They politely ask about it but I know they don't care or get it. Then the stuff they talk about...is so...seems so, insignificant--and usually vulgar.
I hear myself changing the way I talk when I'm around them too. I fall straight back into the ghetto. My tone changes, grammar and conjugation goes out the window. I don't know why. It's always destabilizing. I almost feel fake.
So, Ramon came down from Washington because of Pablito's death. It was great having him around, but also unnerving. The beach at night was amazing, even if things were lost... and sometimes I forget how much history I have with people. Sammie is so big, and both our moms commented how I can't carry my son anymore because he's too big. We went to the movies twice yesterday. The second time at Midnight because no one had celebrated Ashley's brother's birthday, and Ramon is so much like my uncle and chief that he made us all get dressed and do whatever the kid wanted.
But going to movieco with Jocy and Amy and such was such a big slap in the face. Just the car ride and such. Jocy is pregnant again. And Ramon's wife wouldn't stop calling. HIS WIFE. she'd put THEIR DAUGHTER on to talk to him. What's weird is that listening to them talk, one would think that they're still in high school. I guess they might as well be. But like...I dunno it's strange to see people who are not grown up yet have to act like it. Why has everyone around me reproduced?!!?!? I really truly feel left out. Like I don't fit in because I'm not going through the things they are. I don't have the same worries or triumphs. They're also dealing with buying houses and making money and getting benefits...it's nuts. My world is Midd, and a wonderful world it is. But they don't understand that. They politely ask about it but I know they don't care or get it. Then the stuff they talk about...is so...seems so, insignificant--and usually vulgar.
I hear myself changing the way I talk when I'm around them too. I fall straight back into the ghetto. My tone changes, grammar and conjugation goes out the window. I don't know why. It's always destabilizing. I almost feel fake.