some days you smile
I wish I could speed up the weight loss process... so says every woman who ever lived.
4:30pm
There is a silver lining to the clouds hanging over me. I've got TWO interviews for internships next week. That's right. Not one, but two. If ever an ego-boost could be initiated, it's through getting emails and phonecalls telling you your application was 'amazing' and you are wanted.
I need to keep my weight low. That's what I need to be. I'm one step closer to living my sophisticated city girl life! I just need to be thin and I need to be successful. Those two go hand in hand.
I have more applications that I want to do. I will do them today. This is motivation!
7pm
I just had an argument with my mum. She's sick of my 'cooped up inside the bedroom, doing fuck all' attitude I've got going on. As cruel as this sounds; I've emotionally blackmailed her to keep her away from me and to kick her out of my room. She yells at me to eat more and to get out more. I yelled at her that it was her fault I was this way. She and my dad. They're both to blame. They've caused me so much emotional pain and this house, this whole family has a very unhealthy way of dealing with their emotional problems in that they just don't. We lock them away and any time a conversation nears the dangerous brink of an emotional confrontation, one or the other will walk away or close their eyes off. So I'm not entirely wrong in telling her what I did. Our arguments have become circular. She expresses concern or even rage at my behaviour. I emotionally blackmail her. She stops, becomes quiet and discontented and walks away.
Right now, I have two interviews for next week and need to do some online shopping to get some smart yet young and sassy clothes to wear. I think H&M and Topshop will be my stops!