could this be it?
ok so ive never really had any self esteem. I've never really had any true boyfriends. I've never felt needed with my family or friends or even at work. I've never felt liked by guys, my family, friends, co-workers. I've missed out on so much until recently...
This school year has been many firsts for me...
*made out with a guy
*smoked
*got drunk (few times)
*went to a concert with just my friends
*have a real job
*made lots of friends
*had a first realish boyfriend (didn't last long 1 mo.)
*my mom is actually thinking about letting me get a car
*went to turnabout even thought it was just dinner and a movie with friends..
*my little brother called me a b*tch for the first time ever!
*my mom called me a slut who passes out her # to any mexican she sees...
*brother makes fun of me daily and as a wakeup call for school "hey you b*tch why dont you just sit in a corner and cry, oh wait you can't fit in a corner"
*my brothers and sister now just made this plan in their room against me... i have no idea what they will do to me this time.
At work i've thought this guy Josh is extremely cute... hes was one of my first friends there... ive gotten really close to him... like every time we see each other he always says hi and if i dont hear or see him he yells "fine dont say hi to me anymore" and then i walk over like i heard him the first time and hes like "no its too late" so i turn to walk away and he grabs my arm and hugs me so tight... and i can't help but rest my head on him... i feel so comfortable in his arms... he gives me masages and is always hugging me and squeezing me tight and we stand together talking with his arm around me and he pulls me in closer... and it feels like... if no one else were there... he would lean in closer and wed kiss... but then again we are right in the middle of Jewel.. lol so yeah
on wed nite i was getting some milk and muffins for the rest of the week and i saw him. i was done working and he had half an hr left. we met in the back of the store. he came over and grabbed me and hugged me and we just stood there holding each other... my head on his chest (hes taller hehe) his arms around my waist... then we just held each other and he starred into my eyes and were just talking about nothing important but hes whispering it to me in the nicest voice ive ever heard then about 20 min i hear "tracey dial 329, tracey 329" we walked over to the phone holding each other and i hear my mom on the line shes yelling that im late. so i hug josh goodbye... were touching cheek to cheek. ive never felt so happy, nervous, warm, comfortable, and safe inside. i really hope something happens here, but its taking so long... its almost 5 mo that ive known him... he trained me today with this kid justin for cashier... he smiled at me and mouthed to me during the test "hey i wanna talk to you later ok? go on break with me" so we went on break together and hes behind my but with his arms around me i swear we looked like wed been together forever... ahh!!! i need to see him like im going through separation anxiety hehe
will something happen here? i hope so...