Beyond Repair: Chapter 1
Title: Dean Winchester is A Confusing Man
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
Word Count: 3,800 (For this chapter)
Author: onespeciesshort
Chapter: 1/13
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None really Season Five just to be safe but it has no real time frame.
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that while these characters may be up to no good, they are not mine.
Summary: Dean Winchester is injured during a hunt. Castiel goes on a journey to find how to fix him.
Author's Note: So.... I love Cas and I wanted to write in is pov strictly. I really wanted to see him go on a solo adventure for Dean so... here it is I guess! I don't understand how BETAing works but I would like one. Would anyone be interested? I could do the same for you or something.
1. Dean Winchester is a Confusing Man
Castiel was exhausted. He was done playing games in heaven. He was done with the demons. He was done being the leader. He just wanted to be with Dean. Sam was important too, but Castiel would be lying if he said he missed Sam Winchester with all his heart. He wanted to see Dean again.
Dean Winchester was Castiel’s new reason for torment in heaven. Most angels could tell of Castiel’s love for him. He was called the “ALB,” the “angry and lovesick boss.” The angels didn’t think Castiel knew what that meant. He did. They still respected and feared Castiel as a leader, though. It was a lonely and taxing existence.
Castiel, like all angels who have observed humanity since the dawn of their time, is an expert on human emotion, but he had never been prone to feeling it. That did not mean he didn’t understand that his feelings for Dean Winchester were far more than platonic. Even if Dean just wanted to be friends, Castiel wanted to see him again.
He had assumed Dean just wanted to be friends. He knew of Dean’s homosexuality because when he occasionally watched over Dean, he would sometimes take a man back to his motel. It would almost be better if Dean was strictly heterosexual so Castiel would have no hope at all, but it simply wasn’t the Case and it was extremely painful that Dean didn’t feel the same way. Even so, he missed hunting and the impala and Dean getting angry with Cas when he didn’t understand references. He missed being called “Cas” and listening to horrible rock music and watching Dean as he sang and watching Dean as he slept and getting in Dean’s personal space. It seemed like Castiel could go on dwelling about the wonders of his life on earth for an eternity.
Unfortunately, heaven was still at a time of great struggle and if he left and said he wanted to be with a human, they would probably rip his grace out so he left without any warning.
The politics in heaven are confusing, so Castiel was baffled when he was more confused by Dean Winchester, yet he is a very confusing man full of contradictions. This was especially true when Castiel found them in New Mexico. Castiel always liked the chance to be close to Dean so he always appeared very close to him. He relished in his smell then stepped away and let Dean shout about
“personal space”
This time was different. He “popped” in and smiled as he saw Dean Winchester. That happiness was only momentary, though, because when Dean turned around there was an unreadable yet clearly pained expression on his face.
“Cas?” He asked. It was strange. Dean’s voice wasn’t usually so high and quiet.
“Hello, Dean.”
Castiel was surprised by the force that Dean grabbed him. He took his coat and lead castiel out of the bathroom and into the hotel room. Sam was in there, and he looked extremely surprised.
“Where the hell were you?!” Dean spat.
“I had business in heaven,” Castiel answered honestly leaving “I don’t deserve to be around you but I’m selfish and Couldn’t resist. “ Out of his answer.
“I had business in heaven!,” Dean mimicked his voice. He was painfully bitter and Castiel couldn’t help but feel pain and confusion at Dean’s behavior. “What kind of shit answer is that?! Did you not get my prayers?! Why the hell didn’t you say goodbye?! We were worried sick!!”
Castiel hung his head in shame. Guilt instantly made a presence in his system. Castiel didn’t like guilt. It was one of his least favorite emotions. He fiddled with his fingers nervously. He didn’t know how to answer and he didn’t know what to say. It was obvious that he greatly affected Dean. He didn’t know why, though. Dean didn’t seem to love Castiel like Castiel loved him.
“Answer him!” Sam snapped. Castiel could tell that he was more angry that Dean was upset than at Castiel.
“Sammy was in trouble and you didn’t answer my prayers!”
Of course. Sam.That’s why Dean was praying to him. That’s why Dean was upset Castiel was gone. What else would it be? Castiel would be fooling himself to even consider thinking of Dean as a friend. That feeling inside him, the grief, was the worst emotion he had felt so far.
“I apologize I couldn’t be your tool, Dean. I am an angel of the lord I had duties in heaven.” Castiel’s voice came out with an angry edge to it. He was surprised.
Dean sighed.
“Well just don’t do it again, okay?”
“Yes, Dean.”
“What are you doing down here anyway?”
“I wanted to see how you were doing. I missed you greatly and wanted to maybe join you on a hunt. I would be of great assistance.”
Dean smiled at that and Castiel was surprised when Dean started squeezing his body against Castiel’s in a hug. It was warm like an angel’s grace and as exhilarating as the battlefield yet as safe as heaven with a god. It was all very confusing yet, Dean Winchester was and still is a confusing man.
Dean released him.
“Of course you can Cas.”
Cas felt him break into a smile and loved how Dean smiled with him.
********************
Sam found a case in Virginia involving a coven of witches. Castiel knew this was probably going to have a negative effect on Dean considering how much he hated witches. He felt a sharp stab of sympathy before returning back to Sam, probably leaning in a little close to Dean for the “personal space” rule, but Dean didn’t seem to care and that made Castiel feel like he was radiating with contentment.
How petty and human it was. Castiel couldn’t find himself to care as he felt Dean breathe unintentionally right in his ear, trying to focus on the work Sam had laid out on the table.
When they got to the car, Castiel was going to wish Dean and Sam good luck on their drive when Dean grabbed him. Castiel felt Dean’s body heat so close that he was radiating with it.
“Don’t you dare poof off on me, Cas. You’re stayin’ that’s that. You wanna be a hunter? Fine. Drive like one.”
The threat was an empty one and Castiel, who was never the best angel at reading human emotions, sensed Dean was frightened. He shouldn’t have felt any sort of joy about Dean’s pain, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit of contentment at the fact that Dean was concerned. He opened the back door for Castiel, and Castiel bristled as he stepped inside and sat down in the enclosed space. He always thought that cars were slow and tedious inventions. They also made his very grace feel uncomfortable because he was moving fast enough to fly, but not flying.
Two diners, three gas stations, and four extremely upsetting arguments with Dean later, Castiel and the hunters arrived at an old motel. He stretched his wings, making sure he didn’t hit Dean with them, knowing they were invisible and Dean would unknowingly walk into them. He smiled as his vertigo disappeared and the wind tickled his feathers.
The room itself had two beds for Dean and Sam and a chair Castiel planned on using to watch over Dean at night. He wouldn’t tell Dean, of course. For some reason it seemed to make Dean feel uncomfortable.
“I need a drink,” Dean groaned, Castiel found himself inexplicable drawn to the view of his backside as he flung himself, rather dramatically, across the bed.
“Agreed,” Sam muttered. Castiel, just wanting to help, produced two glasses of water and brought it to them.
“Not that type of drink, Cas!” Dean moaned, “Alcohol. A bar, chicks.-” Cas felt his feathers bristle. “Not a glass of water in a cheap motel room.”
Castiel lowered his head in anger and embarrassment. Human terminology was difficult.
“I personally think staying here with a glass of water would be healthier and bars are noisy. Maybe you should start talking to the locals?”
“Sam can do it. Leave me alone, Cas.”
Castiel wanted to vanish. Instead he just gave an obscene enochian gesture with his wings, furled them back, and sat on the couch.
“Sorry my brother is a jerk, Cas,” Sam said, pointedly drinking his glass of water.
Cas just gave a small nod, turning the television on with his grace.
“I’m gonna head down to the bar and meet some townsfolk if ya know what I mean,” Dean muttered, grabbing his coat and walking to the bar across the street before anybody could protest.
“Do you want to come with me, Cas?”
“That sounds more enjoyable than sitting here,” Castiel admitted.
“Uh…. thanks.”
Castiel felt himself smile as Sam thanked him.
Sam took him to the morgue first, instructing Cas to not say anything as they went undercover to examine the body. Sam said castiel was an “assistant.” When they managed to get into the morgue, Castiel lazily closed the door with his grace to look at what he was seeing. With one smell of the body, he had the answer.
“This was a very emotionally driven witch, in fact the spell she preformed has traces of a secti-spell.”
“And that means?” Sam asked.
“It means that the person who preformed the spell was under a spell herself.
“Are you sure this is a her?”
“Positive.”
“How?”
“Because of the spell she was under.”
“Cas.”
“Yes?”
“What spell?”
Oh, right. Sam couldn’t tell what spell she was under.
“An emotional diatomer spell.”
“and that is?”
“It was designed by a very powerful Male Witch in the eighteenth century who wanted to prove how emotionally unstable women are. Unfortunately, Women are just as emotionally driven as men but they just express it in different ways. The Witch, who’s name was Gareates, decided to make a spell which would make women emotional timebombs and have the male portion of the human race dominate the world. Of course, this backfired because he insulted the entire Female Gender in front of a few of his first emotionally compromised Women and he was killed instantly.”
“So… she may have had very little motive.”
“Yes. This man,” Castiel gestured to the man with an exploded gut and crushed legs, “could have simply taken the last slice of cheese pizza at a restaurant.”
“Does this mean we need to find two witches?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well the witch that killed this man, and the witch that put a spell on the witch.”
“I don’t believe so, by the metaphysical patterns of the spell, her Emotional Diatomer spell was self inflicted.”
“Why would you put this on yourself?”
“You wouldn’t, but after the incident with Gareates, many emotionally fueled women who survived his spell became witches and created many spells for revenge, lust, happiness, or whatever else they felt at the time. Unfortunately a spell made by someone who has a spell cast on them is quite dangerous. Now, even with the Emotionally compromised witches dead, their spells, if done improperly, will trigger the Diatomer spell onto the caster.”
“Cas… jesus. How do you know so much about witches?”
“I know a lot about everything,” Castiel stated simply, “I am an Angel, but you know that.”
“Yes. Yes I do.” Sam nodded, patting Castiel on the back. It didn’t feel the same as when Dean patted him on the back. Sam gave him no excitement, just pride. He puffed out is feathers a little bit while making sure that while Sam patted his back, his wings were in a different metaphysical plane.
Sam and Castiel drove back to the motel. Castiel opened the door with his grace and Sam gave a snort of what appeared to be amusement as Cas did so. His mood plummeted as he saw Dean backing a girl up against a wall and kissing her delicately. Cas wanted to scream, wishing so desperately that it was him Dean was kissing. Sam gave a little gasp and Cas couldn’t say anything, just stormed out of the motel room, letting his wings drag behind him, leaving Dean alone with the girl to copulate. He heard Dean shouting angrily at Sam before Sam slammed the door behind him.
“Cas… Cas… wait up! You are walking so fast!”
Castiel didn’t mean to, but he let his anger and despair get away from him and soon, the street lights were shattering around him and Sam. He would never be able to remove that horrid image from his memory.
“Cas, come on Cas, woah!” Sam yelled as the taillights on every car blew out and shattered across the parking lot. The wind started picking up and rain started to spatter and all Cas could do was scowl. He was trying not to cry, even though his wings were shaking in despair. He was lucky Sam couldn’t see them.
The alarms on the cars started beeping loudly.
“Cas! Cas! Look at me man! Come on! Calm down! You’re gonna cause an earthquake. Come on Cas! Please.” If it wasn’t for his friend’s plea, Castiel probably wouldn’t have been able to control himself. Still in a state of rage and despair, he managed to let shame sink in and calm him. He raised his hands, stopped the car alarms and repaired the tail lights and street bulbs. The wind stopped and the sky cleared to reveal a starry night.
“Cas, let’s get in the car and talk, okay?”
Cas nodded as Sam steered him towards the car. Cas sunk in. In his years of watching humanity, Castiel knew that he looked like an angry child about to be scolded.
“What the hell was that, Cas?”
“Nothing.”
“That didn’t look like nothing! Why were you so upset?”
“Dean was compromising the case.”
“He does that all the time. Hey Cas! It’s okay!”
Sam probably noticed how upset Cas looked when he mentioned Dean’s sexual activity.
“I know… Cas.”
No. No he can’t possibly know. Will he hurt me? How?, Was all Castiel could think at the moment. Sam just gave him a look of pity as Castiel gathered up the courage to meet his gaze.
“I don- I don’t know what you’re implying.”
“That you’re in love with my brother.”
“I’m not!” Castiel didn’t like the whiny tone of his voice. He curled his arms around himself and then his wings for good measure, feeling the desperation and embarrassment kick in.
“Cas-” Sam started, but then his body language changed to concern. The girl Dean was with flung open the door of the motel screaming in a fit of what appeared to be fury. Happiness and amusement were two emotions Castiel couldn’t help but feel.
“HOW DARE YOU! I LOVED YOU AND YOU SAY THAT! THAT’S NOT MY NAME YOU JERK!” She gave a high pitched wail that Castiel could feel in his grace. What name? Castiel was quite sure falling in love with someone during a “one night stand” wasn’t normal behavior.
He could see Dean’s shirtless figure in the doorway and licked his lips in envy and lust.
“I SWEAR! YOU ARE SO REPRESSED EVEN I COULDN’T SEE. HOW COULD I NOT?!” She screamed and stormed through the parking lot. She turned around quickly. “DON’T THINK THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU’LL SEE ME YOU BASTARD!” Tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed and screamed. Dean looked out the door with a very darling expression on his face. He was shocked and flustered and he looked a bit angry with himself.
Castiel got a cold feeling settling in his grace as he thought about the killer’s emotional state.
“Cas..?,” Sam muttered wearily.
“Yes, Sam.”
“Did that girl seem a little…. emotional to you?”
“Yes ,Sam.” Sam opened the door and Castiel just appeared in the motel room, trying not to examine Dean’s bare torso.
Dean flinched as Cas turned around.
“Damn-it Cas! Can you just let me be?!”
“I was merely concerned for you!,” Castiel spat back, trying not to let himself feel hurt as he raised his wings defensively.
Sam ran in.
“Dean, what the hell did you do?!”
“Nothing to make the girl that pissed.”
“Dean, this is serious. Don’t be a jerk. What did you do to her?”
“It’s nothin‘ Sammy!” Dean growled, looking down and shuffling his feet. Castiel could tell he was embarrassed.
“Dean, we need to know. This is about our case.”
“Iggernmwrong”
Castiel, with the ears of a seraph, couldn’t even catch that one.
“come again?” Sam perused.
“I got her name wrong, okay?!”
“Did you say her name, or someone else’s name specifically?”
“It doesn’t matter!” Dean growled.
Cas got the sinking feeling that Dean called some other girl’s name and had feelings for someone else. Dean didn’t say anything else, though, and wouldn’t meet Castiel’s eye.
Sam talked to Dean about the witch’s personality and her own curse and told Dean that he wasn’t safe. Castiel felt lucky that they put sigils up protecting against curses in the room. They still needed to hunt her down and find her.
Dean refused to stay in the hotel room as they loaded up the car to go find the girl. Castiel bristled as Dean glared at him and gave him no other glance for the remainder of the “load up.”
Castiel didn’t know why Dean was being so angry towards him, and he didn’t care. He just knew that if the hunt went badly, and the witch casted a spell, he would protect Dean with everything he had.
They started investigating at the bar Dean went to.
He asked about the woman he brought home.
“Oh, Crazy Kali!” The bartender nodded.
“Crazy,” Sam butted in, “how so?”
“Well, she was a really sweet chick, you know? She got this boyfriend and she fell in love with him, but then he fell in love with a dude. She was so pissed after that that she shut herself in her house. Some people say they could hear explosions coming from her room, like she was trying to make a bomb or somethin’”
“So then she meets this group of older chicks, and they start hangin out. These older chicks and her were seen on the street exchanging herbs and shit. One kid even swore he saw a cat. Anyway, her house set fire and whatever fucked up shit was in it went with it. She really wasn’t the same after that. She started comin’ back here a lot, throwing herself at men. She told this one guy after five seconds of meeting him that she was in love with him and wanted to have his babies, the guy was freaked of course, so he ran out of the bar. Next thing you know his intestines are mush and his legs are shattered.”
Sam and Castiel exchanged a look of acknowledgement that this was definitely the woman.
“Where is she living now?”
“Some cabin off of Hemlock road.”
*******************
“Dean, I would strongly advise that you stay in the car,” Castiel insisted as they found her inside the cabin. Sam was loading up a gun.
“What, and leave me here like a fuckin‘ Damsel in distress no thanks Cas.”
“I just want you to be safe.”
“Stop being such a mother hen!”
“I am an angel, not a bird.”
Dean seemed abnormally frustrated, he dragged his hand against his face and groaned.
“Are you for real?”
“I assure you, in this Universe I am very real. In a few dimensions my existence is questionable but-”
“Holy fuck, Cas. Fucking learn some slang before I claw my eyes out.”
Castiel tilted his head. He didn’t like Dean saying self-harming threats like that.
“I built those eyes with my grace and placed them in your body myself, Dean, so I think you shouldn-”
“Guys!,” Sam snapped, “Stick to the program! Okay, Cas, you go in the back, Dean and I will take the front-”
“Sam, Cas is like a baby. He has no idea how to take care of himself and shouldn’t be left alone without supervision.”
Sam rolled his eyes as Castiel started defending himself,
“I assure you Dean, I am substantially older than you are and might I mention that I have been the one that has taken care of you? I pulled you from pre-”
“Oh! Why do you always have to bring hell into the equation?”
“Why do you always have to treat me like I can never do anything for myself?!”
“Why do you always act like a child!?”
“I don’t act like a child-”
“Yes you do!”
“No!”
“Yes”
“No! I assure you my maturity level is immensely higher than yours!”
“No. It. is. Not.”
“Yes it is!”
“Guys, focus!” Sam snapped, trying to keep his voice at a hushed whisper like theirs.
“Yeah, Cas! Focus!” Dean snapped in a whisper as he leaned back from the front seat to glare at Cas.
“You are the one who-”
“So the plan, if either of you are listening, is for Cas and Dean to go in the back. I’ll go in the front. She is pretty powerful so I don’t know if I will be able to point my gun at her for very long. It is just a diversion. Cas, do you have the Lintok root?”
Castiel nodded, holding up the root that suppresses a witches powers if tied like a gag.
“So Cas, at Dean’s signal, will pop in from behind and hold her down with your grace. You can throw her across the wall if you want to as well, just get her down. I have the Ferlock oil. It should reverse the spell.”
“I don’t get why we don’t just kill the bitch.” Dean muttered.
“She’s emotionally compromised!” Castiel spat. Dean rolled his eyes. Castiel was frustrated and at the same time extremely hurt. He hated arguing with Dean but he didn’t get why Dean had to be so cruel to him when all Castiel was trying to to was help and act like he wasn’t in love with the human.
Sam and Dean opened their car doors, and Dean jumped as Castiel appeared by his side with his nose mere inches from his neck.
“Jesus! Cas! Really?!”
Sam nodded at Dean and Dean gestured to the front of the house, holding the gun steadily in his hand. Castiel would have simply gone in the house and do all the work himself but he wanted Sam and Dean to feel like they had purpose. Dean would not be happy if he didn’t get his “fightin’ time” in. Dean walked in front of him and Castiel let him. His gun was held in a ready position in his hand and Castiel prayed he wouldn’t use it on the woman. He knew Dean wouldn’t but it still just made him nervous. He heard the Witch howl in anger as Sam barged in the door.
More coming soon!