First Yamajima Fic. Posted
Yamada refused to admit it. He wasn’t looking around the room because he was looking for Yuto; He wasn’t irritated because he hasn’t seen even a glance of Yuto; He wasn’t all dressed up in a tux because he knew Yuto would come in one too; He didn’t go to this party just because he knew Yuto was going; In fact, Yuto wasn’t even in his mind.
“Right,” the voice in Yamada’s head laughed mockingly.
Still, he wasn’t going t admit it. Even to himself.
He glanced quickly, for the umpteenth time at his watch. 11:30.
Just what time was Yuto arriving? Yamada shook his head violently. No, I’m not supposed to be thinking of Yuto, he thought.
To distract himself, he started counting the floor tiles―oh wait, it was a carpeted floor. Damn it, he cursed to himself. He went back to observing the room. The room had closed red, velvet curtains that were hiding the long French windows. The walls were a beautiful shade of dirty white and the floor was plush-red in color and were carpeted.
His eyes traveled from the walls and the floor to the ceiling. There stood the most elegant chandelier Yamada had ever seen in his life. They were emitting a very warm glow. He smiled secretly to himself. Why didn’t he think of staring at something so beautiful in the first place? It would’ve been better than to keep looking around and feel his chest constricting constantly whenever he would hear the grand doors open only to reveal that it wasn’t Yuto.
Yuto again!
Yamada let his eyes fall from the chandelier to the dancing people in the middle of the room. They were all smiling and laughing. Each of them dancing with somebody else. There was total care freeness in the dance floor. Longing washed over him. He wanted to dance too. Yuto’s face crossed his mind. He shook it off.
11:55.
Yamada had enough. He clenched his fists tight, suppressing the stray tears that were trying to escape. He bit his lower lip hard. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t cry. After all, he wasn’t expecting Yuto to come albeit he was the one who invited the latter to come.
But that was days ago.
Before that.
He doubted Yuto would remember after that.
Grabbing his coat from the nearby chair he had left it in hours ago, he decided he was just going home.
He kept cursing at himself; he didn’t want to feel sadness. But it just kept tugging at his chest. Yamada walked faster.
He was too caught up in his thoughts to notice that he had bumped into someone.
The impact was hard, mind you.
Yamada grumbled unpleasantly. He looked up to the source of who had made him lose his train of thought.
For a split second, the world had stopped.
His heart nearly stopped at the sight of Yuto. Yuto was damn right in front of him, and he was staring very intensely at Yamada. Yamada studied the person in front of him; he refused to believe that is was his Yuto standing there. He looked like Yuto. The familiar face he was used to seeing every day, the person’s lips seemed like it would look like Yuto’s smile if it wasn’t not in a smile that made Yamada’s heart melt. Yamada traced the outline of this person’s face in his mind; the familiar strong jaw, the deep and beaded eyes, the soft black hair with fringes that rested on his broad shoulders. He surely looked like Yuto.
Except this Yuto was dressed in a tux. It fitted his form very well. Yamada immediately dismissed improper thoughts. Gosh, even a Yuto-look alike could make him go crazy; as if the real one wasn’t enough to drive him to think of improper thoughts and doing x-rated things to. Those eyes that had bore deep into his made Yamada flush. And right on cue, the fast paced, dancing music changed into a slow song.
Everything was too quick despite the slow song in the background for Yamada to comprehend.
“Dance one last time with me?” Yuto lunged forward and asked in Yamada’s ear. Before Yamada could have any say, Yuto took his hand and dragged him at the middle of the dance floor.
Yuto wrapped his arms automatically around Yamada’s waist and Yamada was too shocked to say or do anything.
“You’re in my arms,
Yuto breathed in Yamada’s familiar scent.
“And all the world is calm,
Yamada was finding harder to not wrap his arms around Yuto’s neck.
“The music playing on for only two,
So he did.
“So close together,
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive.”
They were swaying very slowly. They were letting themselves be engulfed by the music and showering themselves in each other’s closeness. Yuto couldn’t help but think how they fit perfectly together like this.
“A life goes by,
Almost like a cold bucket of water being poured on his head, or a slap across his cheek; reality hit Yamada hard.
“Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew,
Yamada stiffened subconsciously. Yuto noticed this and whispered hotly against Yamada’s neck, “What’s wrong?”
“So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know,”
Yamada shuddered and suppressed a moan as he pushed himself away from Yuto. He pushed him a lot harder than intended.
Memories flooded Yamada’s head―it could be traced as far back as nearly their childhood years. They shared an inseparable bond and were best of friends. As they grew, their friendship deepened even more. Working together, laughing together, crying together―everything together. Then Yuto had kissed him; Yamada had pretended like it never happened. He pretended to just shrug it off and not speak about it. Soon, their manager announced that Yuto was going abroad. Yamada was more surprised at the fact that the rest of the group knew… apparently he was the only one who wasn’t informed by Yuto himself. They argued but somewhere between the quarrel Yuto asked him to come to the party tonight.
“All that I wanted to hold you
So close,
Yuto’s face was evident with hurt. Yamada’s heart tightened.
“Y-Y-Yuto, I can’t―”
Yamada’s words were cut by Yuto pulling the latter against him and embraced him tight.
How could always make him like this? How could he just make Yamada’s heart beat so fast and hurt so much? How could he always just dazzle him and make him melt by just by smiling? Why is that when he is so close to Yuto, he loses all control? It was unfair. Didn’t Yuto know just by being Yuto, he was driving Yamada up the wall with emotions he never could convey properly?
“Just one last time, please let me have this dance.” Yuto buried his face against Yamada’s shoulder.
“So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend,
Yamada pushed the feelings of warmth away from his heart, but they kept coming back. Having said nothing, Yuto loosened his embrace on Yamada but didn’t let go. Yamada felt a little irritated that Yuto had quickly loosened his hold on him but the fact that he didn’t let go made his heart leap.
DAMN IT YUTO IS MAKING ME FEEL A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS, thought Yamada as he let stray tears stream down his cheek.
But it couldn’t be seen because of the dim lighting emitting from the only source of light―the chandelier.
“And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close,
They were dancing again. Yuto could feel Yamada’s breathing against his neck. Yuto held the boy closer and let one hand slide from his waist to cup his cheek, and looked at deep into his semi-watery, gleaming eyes.
“How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
Yuto harbored feelings for Yamada; Yamada harbored feelings for Yuto too.
Neither of them ever said it, though.
“We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end,
It was almost the end of the song. Yamada knew that Yuto would let go soon. But, he was stunned when Yuto had let go of him. It was too soon. The warmth that was instantly gone. It annoyed Yamada to no end. It was one thing to get used to a certain warmth and having that warmth gone in a snap.
“And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are,”
Yuto’s hands gripped Yamada’s shoulders and leaned his face toward Yamada’s. They were mere centimeters apart.
“Ryosuke, what do you feel for me? What am I to you?”
“So close
So close,
Yamada was speechless. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He could feel the grip on him getting slightly tighter. Yuto was waiting.
“And still―”
“I love you!” Yuto blurted. His words spluttered all over the place, but Yamada caught it.
“―so far…”
The song ended.
Yuto’s hands from Yamada’s shoulders dropped to his sides in a crestfallen manner. Yamada’s heart was being torn to little pieces.
“A-a-anyway, thanks for the dance.” Yuto choked on his words before turning his back on Yamada and walked towards the door in a too-fast-paced manner.
It took a while before Yamada had processed the situation. Yuto was going.
He ran as fast as he can, but Yuto proved to be fast too. Yamada didn’t care how much his feet ached, or how weak his knees were; he kept running to the figure so close and yet so far from him. By the time Yamada was near Yuto’s back, they were already outside where the night was shining down the world.
“Yuto, wait!” Yamada screamed as the latter stopped abruptly on his tracks causing Yamada to crash against Yuto’s whole body. They both fell and Yamada fell on top of Yuto. The deep breathing of Yamada against him caused Yuto to form goose bumps.
Yamada locked his eyes unto Yuto’s. Yamada had Yuto pinned to the ground.
“R-Ryosuke, I-I just…it’s like…” Yuto looked away from Yamada, one side of his face pressed against the dew grass and the other cheek facing the latter, who was on top of him.
Using a free hand, Yamada cupped Yuto’s chin to once again look at him in the eyes. “Don’t look away from me.”
Yuto brushed scarlet as he was a loss for words. He felt like the stupidest person on the planet; he shouldn’t have confessed to him. Although looking at his unreadable expression now, he was anticipating the next few scenes that were to come.
“I love you too.” Yamada smiled the biggest smile he could conjure and lunged forward and pressed his lips against Yuto’s.
Yuto angled his face slightly to deepen the kiss and Yamada complied easily. Yamada’s lips fervently traveled from Yuto’s lips to his neckline, causing the latter to moan.
“It’s enough…” Yuto said, “to know that you love me too.”
Yamada smirked.
“But you want more, right?”
“N-no!”
“Hahaha~ Whatever, Yuto~” Yamada teased as he once again pressed his lips against Yuto’s and closing whatever space they had left.
It’s enough… to know that you love me.
Even if I’m going soon…
It’s enough for me to know that you love me.
FIN