a quaff swims like a trash can
Well yesterday i had a project work meeting and for some strange reason drink-driving and teenage pregnancy became hamsters. We spent a few minutes talking about ... yes, hamsters, or rather, pets, in general. So yes we sort of mentioned my dog. And we talked about a pet's death. How it's never easy to get over for it's like losing a human friend/relative who lived with you, in your house, for years. I must say it took very long for me to accept the fact that my dog will never be with me again. But i still think about her, and write about her sometimes. I haven't done this in a while. There are just some things that are reminding me of her and i really want to write it down.
Today i flipped open Lifestyle of the Sunday Times to read this article by Sumiko Tan. It is about her losing a pet dog. This dog was a pomeranian (my dog was a cross between a pomeranian and another breed by the way) who had made the news in 2009 after being found stuffed inside a plastic bag and dumped somewhere in Singapore. The reporter wrote that she adopted the dog and when she first received the dog, the dog was in a bad condition with a nerve problem in her legs. But the dog became well over the months but later on, she started losing hair and her legs became weak again. One eye became infected with something, and one day, she was in convulsions. She bit her tongue while having a seizure. They later put her to sleep.
It's all very sad. I can understand the writer's feelings. But what really touched me were her words after that. She said,
"... Pom was put to sleep. She didn't deserve to suffer anymore. I've had many dogs in my life and have written so many columns on them. Dogs are lovable because, unlike humans, they are never mean. But some are more special. Pom was very, very special because she was so sweet-natured and trouble-free but, mostly, because she had led such a pitiful life. People who don't love animals won't understand this but, in grieving for a pet, you go through the stages of grief as you would when a person dies - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I would add another stage, regret. In the days after she left, my mind kept swirling with 'I wish'. I wish she'd live just a few months longer, I wish I'd spent more time with her, I wish I'd taken her to a park or the beach, I wish I'd more photos of her, I wish she'd led a better life. But I tell myself that we did try to make amends for the past cruelties done to her ................... So good night Pom, sleep well. We love you a lot and thank you for giving us so much joy."
When my dog died, i hated myself for it even though i knew it wasn't my fault. But i couldn't help but blame myself and my family because i felt that we weren't the perfect owners when she was alive. She was with us for 10 long years and before she came to us, she was, also, cruelly abandoned, at a construction site my father was supervising then. I had many regrets, like not taking her for more walks, or even just taking her for one when she asked me for one, simply because i was too busy with school. When i was thinking back, i realised there were so many things i could have done with her, for her. But i didn't.
However, i am grateful that we were given a chance to have her in our family and my dad told me we shouldn't have regrets because she did lead a good life while staying with us. And at least, she looked good and clean, and proud, when she was put to sleep.
There is so much i want to say. The article in the newspapers really touched me and brought tears to my eyes. Maybe the similarities between Pom and my dog just made things worse. I don't know. But whatever it is, i can really relate to the writer's words today. And she wrote everything i was thinking of the few days after my dog passed away. I never actually found the right words to express my feelings. I have to thank her for it.
And i didn't make this entry friends-only because i don't see any reason to hide this, or my emotions when it comes to my dog.