(no subject)
well, hello again.
i haven't written in a while, so here i go:
so about a week ago, i was fired from my job. so fucking lame. i've never been fired in my life, and when your let go, it feel SO different from walking away from a job. in a way, i'm kinda of happy, since i didn't like my job anyway, and alot of the "perks" like merit pay and xmas bonus were not given out last year, and alot of changes that i did not understand. all i can take from this is that i have been wanting a change for awhile, and was looking for a new job, so maybe this is the push i need.
alot of family drama that i wish was not in my life, but it is, and i love my family to death and hope they know that.
so the boy and i are not "dating" anymore. whatever that means. the kid is still like a drug to me, and it drives me fucking crazy. its one story that leads to another, and than many more. i really need to learn to get him out of my system but its hard, just acting like we're friends now. i miss him alot and knew back in november when he left that this was going to happen. but since i've lost my job i've spent alot of my time in mass, mainly because i can get work from deb and ashley, and that i can see him. why i miss him so much i don't know. i have alot of fun with him and he helped me out alot and maybe thats why i feel....something to him. not like i owe him, but ..okay i really don't know. i do know that whatever feels i do have for him, are still here, and i miss him alot, more than i normall should, and i know deep inside, that he does not for me, and it makes me upset. why is it that we always want the person we can have, or the one we want is not the best for us. i don't know, but i would love to have an answer because i feel like sometimes i can't do this on my own. especially when he tells me we're done, and than tells me i'm cute/pretty/beautiful, and holds my hand, and STILL pays for shit. its like wtf. i hate the penis!!!
okay that was a good little vent.
i haven't written in a while, so here i go:
so about a week ago, i was fired from my job. so fucking lame. i've never been fired in my life, and when your let go, it feel SO different from walking away from a job. in a way, i'm kinda of happy, since i didn't like my job anyway, and alot of the "perks" like merit pay and xmas bonus were not given out last year, and alot of changes that i did not understand. all i can take from this is that i have been wanting a change for awhile, and was looking for a new job, so maybe this is the push i need.
alot of family drama that i wish was not in my life, but it is, and i love my family to death and hope they know that.
so the boy and i are not "dating" anymore. whatever that means. the kid is still like a drug to me, and it drives me fucking crazy. its one story that leads to another, and than many more. i really need to learn to get him out of my system but its hard, just acting like we're friends now. i miss him alot and knew back in november when he left that this was going to happen. but since i've lost my job i've spent alot of my time in mass, mainly because i can get work from deb and ashley, and that i can see him. why i miss him so much i don't know. i have alot of fun with him and he helped me out alot and maybe thats why i feel....something to him. not like i owe him, but ..okay i really don't know. i do know that whatever feels i do have for him, are still here, and i miss him alot, more than i normall should, and i know deep inside, that he does not for me, and it makes me upset. why is it that we always want the person we can have, or the one we want is not the best for us. i don't know, but i would love to have an answer because i feel like sometimes i can't do this on my own. especially when he tells me we're done, and than tells me i'm cute/pretty/beautiful, and holds my hand, and STILL pays for shit. its like wtf. i hate the penis!!!
okay that was a good little vent.