Where I'm calling from
My life is insane but the themes of sex and death, loss, longing, and sudden diamonds strewn across one's path are constants.
Man that was a purple, pretentious line.
A great deal has happened lately.
My mother has round after round of inconclusive tests involving debilitating pain in her side. So far the thought is adhesions from emergency gallbladder surgery 30 years ago. Woo hoo.
Alpha (aka oldest child) has left home. She is 15 but living in dorms at an academically focused boarding school and already at work preparing to represent her school in a mathematic competition in Singapore in the spring. This has been the hardest on her father and brother. They are both wandering around vaguely bereft half the time. Whenever I start to miss her I remeber that she is embarking on adulthood and having the time of her life and I feel incredibly happy for her.
I am being made an administrator at work (I work in a liquor store attached to a convenience store- they are separated for arcane legal reasons), which will require me spending part of each week in the office, which I don't look forward to. I actively despise office work. It's not my thing. I would much rather see a customer come in planning a little party and make sure they walk out with hundreds of dollars worth of booze. That is my thing, selling. I am good at it. Rows or columns of anything have trouble staying in rows and columns for me. Why why why do they want me admining?????? I wish I knew. I really am more of an asset out selling. I promise. Are they listening? A Resounding No.
Sweetpants had a huge scare with his blood pressure and cholesterol. We sat through rounds of stress tests and peering into the human heart (in an utterly unpoetic way) to find that we caught it before it got very bad and with the right changes Sweetpants, unlike the rest of the men in his family, can avoid not only his first heart attack but also all the ones after that.
Death hit us like crazy.Two of my grandmother's first cousins, both her age (early 90s) both with the same sort of dementia at the roughly the same stage as her disease, died on the same day two weeks ago. It was rough. I helped out both sets of cousins all I could. One were the other set of Jewish-Comanches (bizarre that I am not the only one- I know) and I sat up with them and occuppied the mom, my aunty, before the cousins flew in. The other funeral I cooked and served food for. Of course all this happened mere days before Alpha left home.
This is one of the reasons I have to be an atheist. Otherwise I would have no alternative but to wave a big middle finger at any deity who visited this crap on me.
Between all this I have been writing and wallowing in self doubt, dealing with plumbing issues and trying not to feel like a total wash at life.
My final question is this, I have been invited to karaoke. Should I go? If so what should I sing?
Nothing they have is what I want to sing, and usually the key is all wrong or I don't like the tempo. Why, yes, I am a brat.
Man that was a purple, pretentious line.
A great deal has happened lately.
My mother has round after round of inconclusive tests involving debilitating pain in her side. So far the thought is adhesions from emergency gallbladder surgery 30 years ago. Woo hoo.
Alpha (aka oldest child) has left home. She is 15 but living in dorms at an academically focused boarding school and already at work preparing to represent her school in a mathematic competition in Singapore in the spring. This has been the hardest on her father and brother. They are both wandering around vaguely bereft half the time. Whenever I start to miss her I remeber that she is embarking on adulthood and having the time of her life and I feel incredibly happy for her.
I am being made an administrator at work (I work in a liquor store attached to a convenience store- they are separated for arcane legal reasons), which will require me spending part of each week in the office, which I don't look forward to. I actively despise office work. It's not my thing. I would much rather see a customer come in planning a little party and make sure they walk out with hundreds of dollars worth of booze. That is my thing, selling. I am good at it. Rows or columns of anything have trouble staying in rows and columns for me. Why why why do they want me admining?????? I wish I knew. I really am more of an asset out selling. I promise. Are they listening? A Resounding No.
Sweetpants had a huge scare with his blood pressure and cholesterol. We sat through rounds of stress tests and peering into the human heart (in an utterly unpoetic way) to find that we caught it before it got very bad and with the right changes Sweetpants, unlike the rest of the men in his family, can avoid not only his first heart attack but also all the ones after that.
Death hit us like crazy.Two of my grandmother's first cousins, both her age (early 90s) both with the same sort of dementia at the roughly the same stage as her disease, died on the same day two weeks ago. It was rough. I helped out both sets of cousins all I could. One were the other set of Jewish-Comanches (bizarre that I am not the only one- I know) and I sat up with them and occuppied the mom, my aunty, before the cousins flew in. The other funeral I cooked and served food for. Of course all this happened mere days before Alpha left home.
This is one of the reasons I have to be an atheist. Otherwise I would have no alternative but to wave a big middle finger at any deity who visited this crap on me.
Between all this I have been writing and wallowing in self doubt, dealing with plumbing issues and trying not to feel like a total wash at life.
My final question is this, I have been invited to karaoke. Should I go? If so what should I sing?
Nothing they have is what I want to sing, and usually the key is all wrong or I don't like the tempo. Why, yes, I am a brat.