When you just know better...
So yeah I have a head cold. Yesterday (Thursday, August 28th)... I had what I thought was just a sinus issue... lots of sneezing and such. I thought it was probably fall allergies. Then I drank too much after my night class (lifetime wellness, lol, what a contradiction huh?). I drank three in one hour (a vodka-enhanced drink... not to get too specific). Well I should have known. It apparently let the head cold take right over me. I got sick fast. Yes I drove home. But my friend had us all depart before the alcohol started messing us up... since we were not crashing there. I live five minutes down the road too, so I figured I wouldn't be drunk then. And I wasn't, just buzzed... which still is stupid on my part. If you hate drunken drivers, well don't hate me cause I don't drink and drive hardly at all. When I have to drive, I either drive before it hits me or hours after. And if I cannot walk steady, I won't chance it. But seriously, I take meds so I'm always off everyday anyway... it is like I live being dizzy or lightheaded... so I've adjusted. And when I am normal, that's when I feel weird... heh. Yeah I'm making excuses. But in I don't do it much and I do realize the danger. A fatherly figured is just now getting out of jail for killing someone while he was driving under the influence. So I know the horror of it. Enough on that though. The point is... I know the boundaries. I weigh the risks. I make my choices. Sometimes I don't choose the right one, but I try to make good choices most of the time... unless I'm in one of my manic-depressed states... at that point, I just don't give a flyin' f-ck. OKAY ANYWAYS now I am sick. End of THAT story.
I went to work anyway, at Red Lobster (no I didn't contaminate anything). I wore gloves the WHOLE time, washed my hands every five minutes, and kept my breath away from any food content. But I was drained and moving slowly, so they decided I should go home early. Thank God. I was honestly about ready to either fall over or sit down and cry in the middle of the alley. I cried when I got into my car and call a couple of my friends. I met up with Jennifer. She went with me to Starbucks. I felt like shiz but I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to come home till I was ready to take a sleeping medicine and knock myself out. I took it, and I'm writing this while I wait for it to take over me. I also called Ann Marie, a Christian friend of mine who is very supportive of just about anything that is not harmful or evil I guess. Her father owns the alternative club up the highway. WORD UP to that. I'm not trying to hook up with girls... nah. I'm not trying to hook up with guys either. I'm chillin'... I don't need that aggravation. Besides I never really know if I am straight or not. When I'm around straight ppl I think I'm more toward the straight side of the equation. When I'm around a bunch of lesbians, I feel like one. Hmmm... that must make me confusion or just a blender. Yeah, I can be a blender... one who blends in the their environment or social group. On the other hand, I like to stand out in other ways... like at school. I was a smart@$$ in highschool but for some reason the teachers were able to get me to drop the smart@$$ approach and open up. At work I like to stand out as being one of the best they got going for them. That's how I ended up being at Busch. I didn't get much acknowledgement from the supervisors though, but I did get it from the crew. At Red Lobster, I get it from almost everyone. But man I got some kinks to work out there... like my attitude. When it gets hot up in there and the bread disappears like a crackhead running from the police... I get pissed off, easily. I'm hoping God placed me there for a reason. I'm guessing it is to learn the value of hard work and patience. He started teaching me that at Busch but I don't think He finished yet. I told my general manager, Piper ( she has a cool name, that I won't write out all the way for privacy issues)... that I am very hard on myself and take things way personally. I'm hoping Piper can help me kinda help myself... you know... give me that initial push to get the momentum going and then I can pretty much steer my way through it all from there. I just can't stand feeling inaqdequate... like I just can't handle something... like tonight. I couldn't keep up with the bread. And the calls were flooding my mind "low bread" "down bread"... I caught myself b/c I almost told whoever to shut the f-ck up, but I have to maintain my composure and respect level. I'm learning how to cope with the anxiety of restaurant work. I never thought I'd be working like this in a restaurant alley. But I love it because I am vital to the function of each meal. I realized very early on that my job performance weighs in on how the servers each make their living (by tips... if the bread isn't out on time, guests are less satisfied and servers get smaller tips). It is good I've already recognized this though. That makes me feel intelligent... and somewhat adequate. I have a good system going on for me... the way I do things as the baker. I watched another crew member doing my job function and I was like "what are you doing?"... but I had to let him do it b/c I was sick today and couldn't take it myself. Oh well... the busy season is dying down, so they tell me.
As for Target... really cool company, looks promising... but I must learn their cashiering system well. That'll take me maybe two weeks of consistent shifts (three or four morning shifts each week). Target is for extra funds. But I consider Red Lobster to be top job priority. I want to be the best damn baker they have and will ever see. It takes time and effort, but I can do it. Oh shiz I still have to turn in my workbook for the little booklet of company policy for Red Lobster. I get a pin if I turn it in... total committment. Well, that is what I'm all about now. Pins are nice... shows the effort factor and also personal growth and job development. Man, I analyze things too much. I should be a professional analyzer of... hmmm... job functions and how they all intertwine and compliment eachother (or vice versa). Ah I'm a dork. Yeah I know it. Proud to be one too.
Damn I wrote a lot. I don't write everyday anymore, so when I do, I write more. I have more to say too, but the medicine is seriously kicking in and typing is becoming hard... so farwell for now!
I went to work anyway, at Red Lobster (no I didn't contaminate anything). I wore gloves the WHOLE time, washed my hands every five minutes, and kept my breath away from any food content. But I was drained and moving slowly, so they decided I should go home early. Thank God. I was honestly about ready to either fall over or sit down and cry in the middle of the alley. I cried when I got into my car and call a couple of my friends. I met up with Jennifer. She went with me to Starbucks. I felt like shiz but I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to come home till I was ready to take a sleeping medicine and knock myself out. I took it, and I'm writing this while I wait for it to take over me. I also called Ann Marie, a Christian friend of mine who is very supportive of just about anything that is not harmful or evil I guess. Her father owns the alternative club up the highway. WORD UP to that. I'm not trying to hook up with girls... nah. I'm not trying to hook up with guys either. I'm chillin'... I don't need that aggravation. Besides I never really know if I am straight or not. When I'm around straight ppl I think I'm more toward the straight side of the equation. When I'm around a bunch of lesbians, I feel like one. Hmmm... that must make me confusion or just a blender. Yeah, I can be a blender... one who blends in the their environment or social group. On the other hand, I like to stand out in other ways... like at school. I was a smart@$$ in highschool but for some reason the teachers were able to get me to drop the smart@$$ approach and open up. At work I like to stand out as being one of the best they got going for them. That's how I ended up being at Busch. I didn't get much acknowledgement from the supervisors though, but I did get it from the crew. At Red Lobster, I get it from almost everyone. But man I got some kinks to work out there... like my attitude. When it gets hot up in there and the bread disappears like a crackhead running from the police... I get pissed off, easily. I'm hoping God placed me there for a reason. I'm guessing it is to learn the value of hard work and patience. He started teaching me that at Busch but I don't think He finished yet. I told my general manager, Piper ( she has a cool name, that I won't write out all the way for privacy issues)... that I am very hard on myself and take things way personally. I'm hoping Piper can help me kinda help myself... you know... give me that initial push to get the momentum going and then I can pretty much steer my way through it all from there. I just can't stand feeling inaqdequate... like I just can't handle something... like tonight. I couldn't keep up with the bread. And the calls were flooding my mind "low bread" "down bread"... I caught myself b/c I almost told whoever to shut the f-ck up, but I have to maintain my composure and respect level. I'm learning how to cope with the anxiety of restaurant work. I never thought I'd be working like this in a restaurant alley. But I love it because I am vital to the function of each meal. I realized very early on that my job performance weighs in on how the servers each make their living (by tips... if the bread isn't out on time, guests are less satisfied and servers get smaller tips). It is good I've already recognized this though. That makes me feel intelligent... and somewhat adequate. I have a good system going on for me... the way I do things as the baker. I watched another crew member doing my job function and I was like "what are you doing?"... but I had to let him do it b/c I was sick today and couldn't take it myself. Oh well... the busy season is dying down, so they tell me.
As for Target... really cool company, looks promising... but I must learn their cashiering system well. That'll take me maybe two weeks of consistent shifts (three or four morning shifts each week). Target is for extra funds. But I consider Red Lobster to be top job priority. I want to be the best damn baker they have and will ever see. It takes time and effort, but I can do it. Oh shiz I still have to turn in my workbook for the little booklet of company policy for Red Lobster. I get a pin if I turn it in... total committment. Well, that is what I'm all about now. Pins are nice... shows the effort factor and also personal growth and job development. Man, I analyze things too much. I should be a professional analyzer of... hmmm... job functions and how they all intertwine and compliment eachother (or vice versa). Ah I'm a dork. Yeah I know it. Proud to be one too.
Damn I wrote a lot. I don't write everyday anymore, so when I do, I write more. I have more to say too, but the medicine is seriously kicking in and typing is becoming hard... so farwell for now!