Sick of being sick
I realized today, after crawling back into bed after being out in the living room for 45 minutes, that I have spent mostly all of 2011 in bed, sick and miserable. Whether it be a cold, stomach ache, flu, headache, what have you.
Since being off my medication I've gone from bad to worse.
My anxiety has taken a whole different path then it had before.
It's gotten to the point where I don't know the difference between my anxiety and being sick.
I've tried to do it on my own and found I can't.
I even almost slipped into agoraphobia for a short period of time, but lets face it, I'm pretty much almost there, because I never leave the house, and when I do, I feel like I'm going to vomit and pass out.
Seriously, every thing I do is such a challenge, what kind of exhistence is that?
I don't want to live my life being scared of everything.
Why can't I just be normal?
Once again I'm sick in bed, sweating and in pain, this time my throat is swollen and my head is disoriented, I'm finally going to bite the bullet and go to the dr. on Monday, I've been avoiding it like the plague, mostly because I don't want to be put on another antidepressant and told everything will be fine, because it won't.
I want to cure this without medicine, I've been told it can be done, unless that's just another gimmick to get people to spend money, but I have hope. I've tried everything I can think of in my power to try and cure myself, and nothing has worked, I'm right back here, in my room, feeling ill and scared and sad and not wanting to even face tomorrow. I want to be happy, is that so much to ask?
I hope it's not, I want a good quality of life, I've been through far too much in my life to live like this in my 20's.
I should be out exploring and learning new things.
It just really makes me depressed.
Since being off my medication I've gone from bad to worse.
My anxiety has taken a whole different path then it had before.
It's gotten to the point where I don't know the difference between my anxiety and being sick.
I've tried to do it on my own and found I can't.
I even almost slipped into agoraphobia for a short period of time, but lets face it, I'm pretty much almost there, because I never leave the house, and when I do, I feel like I'm going to vomit and pass out.
Seriously, every thing I do is such a challenge, what kind of exhistence is that?
I don't want to live my life being scared of everything.
Why can't I just be normal?
Once again I'm sick in bed, sweating and in pain, this time my throat is swollen and my head is disoriented, I'm finally going to bite the bullet and go to the dr. on Monday, I've been avoiding it like the plague, mostly because I don't want to be put on another antidepressant and told everything will be fine, because it won't.
I want to cure this without medicine, I've been told it can be done, unless that's just another gimmick to get people to spend money, but I have hope. I've tried everything I can think of in my power to try and cure myself, and nothing has worked, I'm right back here, in my room, feeling ill and scared and sad and not wanting to even face tomorrow. I want to be happy, is that so much to ask?
I hope it's not, I want a good quality of life, I've been through far too much in my life to live like this in my 20's.
I should be out exploring and learning new things.
It just really makes me depressed.