Confronting body shaming by another commuter on Montreal's Métro
This is how I started my week, and it's stuck with me to the point I decided I should go ahead and share it publicly. This originally appeared in my Facebook July 22: I am SO mad right now! File this one under slut/body shaming:
On my way to UQAM via Métro, there was a group of kids in the car sat not too far from me, talking, laughing, just being kids. One of the girls, who I'd estimate was at most 14-years-old, was wearing a long-ish tshirt and rather short shorts. She was just chatting and laughing with her friends, minding her own business when an older lady, disembarking, pushed a piece of paper into her hand.
The kids reacted with amused confusion at first. All of them wanted to see what it was. Witnessing the whole thing, I admit to being a bit curious about it too. I first thought it must be a religious tract, but, no, it was a note scribbled on what looked to be a cheque stub or bill of some sort. They didn't read it all aloud, but I did hear enough to get the gist: "I'm not your mother, but . . ." the older woman had apparently written. When I heard the protested complaint from one of the girls, "Does she know how hot it is??" (Montreal is currently under an official heat warning, with the humidex expected to hit up to 40C), I knew what I was witnessing: a slut-shaming in progress. With a girl probably no older than 14 as the target.
After the initial giggles at the surprise of it all had worn off and the targeted girl and her friends had all had a chance to read the note (they all demanded to see and read it), the face of the young girl who'd been its target fell. She wasn't smilling and laughing anymore. She was squirming in her seat, uncomfortable and embarassed. One of the boys clumsily tried to help by giving her a McDonald's bag to cover herself before she eventually took a bookbag and put it in her lap. She'd stopped participating in the conversation with her friends. She was quietly upset, clearly feeling self-concious. People tend to pass time on the Métro by idly looking around the car, generally trying not to stare in any one place long enough to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I could imagine that this poor kid was burning with shame at every stranger's incidental glance now, thinking everybody in the car was judging or sexualizing her.
I was so lividly angry at that woman and felt so strongly for that poor girl, that I did the only thing I could. Everyone was getting off at Berri-UQAM, including me and I was able to position myself just ahead of the young girl in the queue to exit the car. Once we'd filed just beyond where people were queuing to get on the Métro, I turned to her and said the following:
"Hey, I know I'm just another stranger, but don't let some random old person's body shaming get you down," I avoided using the stronger word, "slut-shaming" so as not to potentially exacerbate the girl's embarassment. I continued, "Wear what you want and if someone's sexualizing you, that's their fault, not yours," she thanked me and I made my way to my exit.
I hope I played a positive role in this incident for this kid. That woman had NO right to harass that poor girl with her unsolicited judgments! If you have an opinion you want to voice to a complete stranger that requires a preamble statement ending in 'but' which explains how you have no Earthly business offering said-opinion, chances are everyone'd be better off if you kept your damn mouth shut! X-|
On my way to UQAM via Métro, there was a group of kids in the car sat not too far from me, talking, laughing, just being kids. One of the girls, who I'd estimate was at most 14-years-old, was wearing a long-ish tshirt and rather short shorts. She was just chatting and laughing with her friends, minding her own business when an older lady, disembarking, pushed a piece of paper into her hand.
The kids reacted with amused confusion at first. All of them wanted to see what it was. Witnessing the whole thing, I admit to being a bit curious about it too. I first thought it must be a religious tract, but, no, it was a note scribbled on what looked to be a cheque stub or bill of some sort. They didn't read it all aloud, but I did hear enough to get the gist: "I'm not your mother, but . . ." the older woman had apparently written. When I heard the protested complaint from one of the girls, "Does she know how hot it is??" (Montreal is currently under an official heat warning, with the humidex expected to hit up to 40C), I knew what I was witnessing: a slut-shaming in progress. With a girl probably no older than 14 as the target.
After the initial giggles at the surprise of it all had worn off and the targeted girl and her friends had all had a chance to read the note (they all demanded to see and read it), the face of the young girl who'd been its target fell. She wasn't smilling and laughing anymore. She was squirming in her seat, uncomfortable and embarassed. One of the boys clumsily tried to help by giving her a McDonald's bag to cover herself before she eventually took a bookbag and put it in her lap. She'd stopped participating in the conversation with her friends. She was quietly upset, clearly feeling self-concious. People tend to pass time on the Métro by idly looking around the car, generally trying not to stare in any one place long enough to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I could imagine that this poor kid was burning with shame at every stranger's incidental glance now, thinking everybody in the car was judging or sexualizing her.
I was so lividly angry at that woman and felt so strongly for that poor girl, that I did the only thing I could. Everyone was getting off at Berri-UQAM, including me and I was able to position myself just ahead of the young girl in the queue to exit the car. Once we'd filed just beyond where people were queuing to get on the Métro, I turned to her and said the following:
"Hey, I know I'm just another stranger, but don't let some random old person's body shaming get you down," I avoided using the stronger word, "slut-shaming" so as not to potentially exacerbate the girl's embarassment. I continued, "Wear what you want and if someone's sexualizing you, that's their fault, not yours," she thanked me and I made my way to my exit.
I hope I played a positive role in this incident for this kid. That woman had NO right to harass that poor girl with her unsolicited judgments! If you have an opinion you want to voice to a complete stranger that requires a preamble statement ending in 'but' which explains how you have no Earthly business offering said-opinion, chances are everyone'd be better off if you kept your damn mouth shut! X-|