(no subject)
it rips me apart. i fought so hard for so long for a person that i believed in. he isnt that person now and i wonder if he ever was. i argued with everyone when they told me to stay away, i fought for his dignity and i was wrong. i know he cared about me but the things i hear are things i never imagined he was even capable of doing. after knowing the reality truth and not the truth in my naive world i cant help but feel like there wasnt anyway he could do those things and care about me at the same time. it hurts but most of all i am angry that i was lied to, not only about small things but about his entire life. i was betrayed. i poured everything i had into our friendship to later realize that he wasnt a friend at all. I told him i still wanted to be friends because for some reason a part of me thought i could still help him. after hearing the truth i see what a mistake that was. his boat sank before i met him. you cant pull someone to shore who has already drowned. and if you do it only hurts to see the remnants of their lifeless body, and what once was. i wish i could have seen through him so i hadnt spent all of this time pulling him to shore.