Rant
No man appears in safety before the public eye unless he first relishes obscurity. No man is safe in speaking unless he loves to be silent. No man rules safely unless he is willing to be ruled. No man commands safely unless he has learned well how to obey. No man rejoices safely unless he has within him a good conscience...
...If only a man would never seek passing joys or entangle himself with worldly affairs, what a good conscience he would have. What great peace and tranquility would be his, if he cut himself off from all empty care and thought only of things divine, things helpful to his soul, and put all his trust in the things not seen...
AKempis
I believe people are beginning to understand now. It has taken a few days to shake off the pre-conceived notions but I believe the truth is starting to reveal itself (Now that I am living in and for truth). I have been keeping to myself. Reading Paul, Akempis, Whitman... Meditating, fasting and trying oh so hard not to break my fast (I have failed many times but through clarity have gained my footing on solid ground once again!) and keeping in spiritual thought. I have been emptying myself moment by moment so as to be filled by the next. The men around me, concerned that I was falling lower and lower, not taking the time to ask for the truth of the matter. How much more simple it would be to ask; 'Where are you at?' Others thinking that I had grown bitter and had no use for them. How deceived they are by their logic and approach. Though I may be growing old and tired of the idleness in their earthly actions (Not to say I don't put on them many troubles) I am growing more and more concerned and attentive to the divine inside of them. The guys and I are talking again, but now... Now its about matters that... matter.
It seems to me that if you can control your hunger, one of the most basic instincts of man... Then all of your other instincts and wants are more easily brought under control. If you attend to the disease then the symptoms naturally recede. However, if you only pay attention to the symptom the disease grows stronger. Perhaps we should focus on what is simple in our lives. I'm rambling.
I'm nearly 1/5 of the way through the program and in retrospect time is flying by. I don't feel as if I'm growing near the pace I expected but I imagine that is beyond the point. I'm no longer in this for me now; I'm in this for a higher purpose than I could ever put into words. Tomorrow I will wake up and it will be over, what then? Will I have developed as far as I wanted to in the beginning? Will that bother me? Will it even matter? I should hope not, but hope and reality are two different worlds. If you read the beginning of this journal, you will recall I came here to observe. To observe and learn a simple lesson. Now, now I am neck deep in a sea of my own creation with no time to observe anything. I am busy building my life, myself from the ground up. Not by my own account, but by my submissiveness to a higher plan, made by a higher architect.
I miss home, I miss family, and I miss friends. I miss the lake and I will miss it even more when fall rolls around. However, I do not miss the person I was when I enjoyed these things. So if I had to choose between having what I miss and having the nature I used to have... And continuing to miss these things having taken on a new nature, being a new man... I would choose neither. I would choose to enjoy what I miss while being the man I am today. However, it isn't about what I want anymore. So if I have to wait, I will wait. And I will wait until it's right. Not until I say it's right, definitely not until I feel it's right... but until it is right. Through God's eyes, in his thoughts, through his heart. And that's that.
...If only a man would never seek passing joys or entangle himself with worldly affairs, what a good conscience he would have. What great peace and tranquility would be his, if he cut himself off from all empty care and thought only of things divine, things helpful to his soul, and put all his trust in the things not seen...
AKempis
I believe people are beginning to understand now. It has taken a few days to shake off the pre-conceived notions but I believe the truth is starting to reveal itself (Now that I am living in and for truth). I have been keeping to myself. Reading Paul, Akempis, Whitman... Meditating, fasting and trying oh so hard not to break my fast (I have failed many times but through clarity have gained my footing on solid ground once again!) and keeping in spiritual thought. I have been emptying myself moment by moment so as to be filled by the next. The men around me, concerned that I was falling lower and lower, not taking the time to ask for the truth of the matter. How much more simple it would be to ask; 'Where are you at?' Others thinking that I had grown bitter and had no use for them. How deceived they are by their logic and approach. Though I may be growing old and tired of the idleness in their earthly actions (Not to say I don't put on them many troubles) I am growing more and more concerned and attentive to the divine inside of them. The guys and I are talking again, but now... Now its about matters that... matter.
It seems to me that if you can control your hunger, one of the most basic instincts of man... Then all of your other instincts and wants are more easily brought under control. If you attend to the disease then the symptoms naturally recede. However, if you only pay attention to the symptom the disease grows stronger. Perhaps we should focus on what is simple in our lives. I'm rambling.
I'm nearly 1/5 of the way through the program and in retrospect time is flying by. I don't feel as if I'm growing near the pace I expected but I imagine that is beyond the point. I'm no longer in this for me now; I'm in this for a higher purpose than I could ever put into words. Tomorrow I will wake up and it will be over, what then? Will I have developed as far as I wanted to in the beginning? Will that bother me? Will it even matter? I should hope not, but hope and reality are two different worlds. If you read the beginning of this journal, you will recall I came here to observe. To observe and learn a simple lesson. Now, now I am neck deep in a sea of my own creation with no time to observe anything. I am busy building my life, myself from the ground up. Not by my own account, but by my submissiveness to a higher plan, made by a higher architect.
I miss home, I miss family, and I miss friends. I miss the lake and I will miss it even more when fall rolls around. However, I do not miss the person I was when I enjoyed these things. So if I had to choose between having what I miss and having the nature I used to have... And continuing to miss these things having taken on a new nature, being a new man... I would choose neither. I would choose to enjoy what I miss while being the man I am today. However, it isn't about what I want anymore. So if I have to wait, I will wait. And I will wait until it's right. Not until I say it's right, definitely not until I feel it's right... but until it is right. Through God's eyes, in his thoughts, through his heart. And that's that.