And it's all so meaningless now..
I have lost all perspective on life. Everything I thought was right; all of the advice I’ve given to other people… has smacked me right in the face. I am completely and utterly confused. It seems as though everything I have learned in my life about love has completely blown up in my face and means absolutely nothing. I thought we were going to go somewhere. All I needed was confirmation… well; I got my stupid confirmation all right. The opposite of what I wanted to happen… always seems to turn out that way. I’m not trying to go all depressed mode right now… it’s just that I have no concept of the world anymore. Once you think you’ve got someone figured out, you really don’t. When you think something’s going to happen, it doesn’t. I want a new life. I hate boys. If he didn’t like me, he should have told me from the beginning, not make me think that he did. I can’t believe I fell for it… AGAIN! The funny thing is about the whole situation is that I was actually going to talk to him today. I thought about what I was going to say and everything. Though, yet again, my life has succeeded in creating more pain that it already has to deal with. I don’t understand. Am I not entitled to some happiness?!? I guess not.
I really don’t know what to do. Now I have to question everything else that I’ve done or am doing in my life. I never know what’s right. Anything I think is right is wrong and anything I think is wrong is wrong. Right=Wrong. Wrong=Wrong. It’s a lose/lose situation. I can’t give advice anymore. How can I give advice when everything I do is wrong? I can’t tell other people what to do because it can’t even help me. I just don’t understand. I mean I know I’m not drop-dead gorgeous… I know that. However, I know I’m not entirely unattractive and I’m not trying to be conceited here… don’t get me wrong. I’m just saying that if I have so many friends… why can’t I find a guy who likes me?! I don’t know. I just seem to always pick the wrong ones. Nobody that I know of thinks I’m hott. Nobody that I know of likes me like that. I know there’s probably somebody out there who thinks I am, but guess what!? I DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT SO IT DOESN’T COUNT! If you think I’m hott, please don’t hesitate to tell me. Lol. Yeah, probably no one. Well, I don’t want to depress you guys anymore. Thanks to all those who are there for me and put up with me no matter how much I complain or am depressed or unbearable. I love you all. I hope you all have a nice night and I’ll talk to you guys later.
♥ My Ladies ♥
[Crystal Romans, Kayla Rease, Ashley Baldwin, Alex Robinson, Candice Boyle, Lily Nguyen, Kayla Johnson, Brittany Hager, Brandie Watts, Laney Schenk, Rachel Bradshaw, Lauren Scarborough, Riley Jones, and Megan Harper]
♥ My Boys ♥
[Spencer Smith, Bennett Lee, Goose Grimes, Paul Thompson, Spencer Foereste, Austin Seifts, Tyler Scott, Jonathan and Matt King]
*Crystal, I love you with my entire heart girl! You are my big sis and I really wouldn’t be here without you. Thanks for trying to help with that whole situation. I’m glad you and Chris are going to get to go to prom together!! Your house was a blast. Special Ed! Wally World was te-rrrrrific! Love you so much girl I wish you knew!! Muuah! <333
*Kayla Rease, I love you s0o0o0o much girl you just DON’T know. I seriously don’t know where I’d be without you. You have helped me SO much with all of my guy problems and I am glad I can be there for you when you need it. You are one of the only girls I can talk to that really understands what I’m going through. Jesus and Moses will make all your dreams come true girl. Be happy, I love you TONS!
Sincerely Yours,
Shan♥