(no subject)
It's October 1st. I have less then three months left here. Unless I stay. But I can't stay. And now I am scared to go back to Seattle. It's supposed to be home, but it doesn't feel much like home now. I don't want to live with my mom. I wonder if I should start school right away. But I wanted to take some time off and go on an adventure. It's all very confusing. I don't even know why I want to stay. Everyone is going to be gone next semester. I love Boston, but I only like Emerson. I just love this semester, I wish it could just go on like this forever. I have to get an apartment and a job and all that anyways, things will change even if I stay here. I hate having to make new friends all over again, and not living in the dorms will make that harder. I like my four friends here, and Liz.
I hate my room right now. Even clean. Everything reminds me of what I lost. It all reminds me of the things that aren't going to happen now.
I'm going to take myself out today. I can start there.
On a more interesting note. I went to a party last night that was on a rooftop. The view of the city was amazing. There was DJ (he was poor) and a bunch of people up on the adjacent roof milling around. They had shit speakers and lights set up so that it was supposed to feel like a stage. I went with Phillip, and we sort of walked around meeting people. There were around 100 people there. I saw some kids I recognized from Emerson. Eventually four of five guys asked Phillip if he was going to go up there, to freestyle. He acted modest and sounded like he didn't want to. We did go up on the other roof, the stage, to see if the cops were there yet. I guess these parties get busted every time. I stood back with this drummer Pat as Phillip went up to the mike and was the last person to freestyle. He was as good, if not better, then the other two guys we heard. I didn't know Phillip could freestyle, and never expected to be watching an audience cheer him on. The DJ reached over and told Phillip to stop, the cops were coming. Immediatly he was back to his normal self, "alright." He showed me and Pat how to cross four or five rooftops so we could go down a different stairwell. He had to help me jump over a wall in the process. How did a white, nerdy, suburban girl from Seattle end up at a party on a roof in Boston with a kid who could freestlye better then anyone else who got up there? The entire event was completely surreal.
I hate my room right now. Even clean. Everything reminds me of what I lost. It all reminds me of the things that aren't going to happen now.
I'm going to take myself out today. I can start there.
On a more interesting note. I went to a party last night that was on a rooftop. The view of the city was amazing. There was DJ (he was poor) and a bunch of people up on the adjacent roof milling around. They had shit speakers and lights set up so that it was supposed to feel like a stage. I went with Phillip, and we sort of walked around meeting people. There were around 100 people there. I saw some kids I recognized from Emerson. Eventually four of five guys asked Phillip if he was going to go up there, to freestyle. He acted modest and sounded like he didn't want to. We did go up on the other roof, the stage, to see if the cops were there yet. I guess these parties get busted every time. I stood back with this drummer Pat as Phillip went up to the mike and was the last person to freestyle. He was as good, if not better, then the other two guys we heard. I didn't know Phillip could freestyle, and never expected to be watching an audience cheer him on. The DJ reached over and told Phillip to stop, the cops were coming. Immediatly he was back to his normal self, "alright." He showed me and Pat how to cross four or five rooftops so we could go down a different stairwell. He had to help me jump over a wall in the process. How did a white, nerdy, suburban girl from Seattle end up at a party on a roof in Boston with a kid who could freestlye better then anyone else who got up there? The entire event was completely surreal.