its all a beautiful lie
so... tennessee was amazing. i had the best time ive had in a long time =) i was actually happy... i love my megan! <33. so when i was there i was 100% set on moving there. i didnt think i had much for me here... but ive been hangin out with the krue alot lately.. and its been so much fun. and now i see that i do have real friends here. so now im completely torn-
i could go to tennessee and possibly have to pay for my own college but be able to live with megan and meet even more great people, who are all cool, but have the time of my life but basically have to start over... and leave everyone here.
or i could stay here with the people i love... and who love me... but miss out on an amazing opportunity.
dude....maybe i could graduate early and live there for a month or so. not forever- but long enough to still be able to have a great time and do my own thing... and then still be able to come back to all my friends here and go to college here.... i love tennessee but i really do have alot going for me here too. although if i go to app i will be leaving everyone here again.... maybe i should go to uncc.... damn its so hard to even think about making decisions like these.
i thought i had nothing here... i didnt think anyone here really cared about me, and i was unhappy. but i realized that i was unhappy because of the whole troy deal mostly- and other stuff that would happen even if i went to tennessee. and i didnt think my friends cared about me cuz i never hung out with them. yes, i was totally busy, but when i did have free time i usually spent it with troy. and im sorry for that guys- i just saw how much troy cared about me and thought i wanted to spend more time with him because i thought he cared more- but i didnt see how much you guys truly do care. none of you guys would ever put me through anything like what he did... you guys have a different way of showing it... lol... but i know you always have my back.
i am going to do that.... graduate early and i can work and chill here with my friends, then go up to tennessee and spend time there but not forever.
but back to the whole troy deal- ive been seeing him a bit more again. weve gone out to eat a couple times. and its been cool but i dont want to fall for him again. i cant. i wont let it happen. but i feel like im lying to myself.
but no more on that subject- it brings me down. im too negative, i need to be happy that i have amazing friends who love me and who i get to chill with every night =) and every night is turning into one of the best of my life <3
i could go to tennessee and possibly have to pay for my own college but be able to live with megan and meet even more great people, who are all cool, but have the time of my life but basically have to start over... and leave everyone here.
or i could stay here with the people i love... and who love me... but miss out on an amazing opportunity.
dude....maybe i could graduate early and live there for a month or so. not forever- but long enough to still be able to have a great time and do my own thing... and then still be able to come back to all my friends here and go to college here.... i love tennessee but i really do have alot going for me here too. although if i go to app i will be leaving everyone here again.... maybe i should go to uncc.... damn its so hard to even think about making decisions like these.
i thought i had nothing here... i didnt think anyone here really cared about me, and i was unhappy. but i realized that i was unhappy because of the whole troy deal mostly- and other stuff that would happen even if i went to tennessee. and i didnt think my friends cared about me cuz i never hung out with them. yes, i was totally busy, but when i did have free time i usually spent it with troy. and im sorry for that guys- i just saw how much troy cared about me and thought i wanted to spend more time with him because i thought he cared more- but i didnt see how much you guys truly do care. none of you guys would ever put me through anything like what he did... you guys have a different way of showing it... lol... but i know you always have my back.
i am going to do that.... graduate early and i can work and chill here with my friends, then go up to tennessee and spend time there but not forever.
but back to the whole troy deal- ive been seeing him a bit more again. weve gone out to eat a couple times. and its been cool but i dont want to fall for him again. i cant. i wont let it happen. but i feel like im lying to myself.
but no more on that subject- it brings me down. im too negative, i need to be happy that i have amazing friends who love me and who i get to chill with every night =) and every night is turning into one of the best of my life <3