ughh whyyyy
all these jealous, stupid thoughts keep popping into my head. i should be beaming with happiness, but im not. i seem to make everything depressing and look too far into things than necessary. i just realized the other night that Ed has a stuffed animal with a heart on its lip (ive seen this animal before, but didnt notice that) and then i asked him if it was a gift (it must have been anyway cuz why else would a guy have a stuffed animal w/a heart on it) so he told me it was a gift, from an ex. and that all the other ones he had were gifts from exes as well. well, i had a lil fit about this and told him that he shouldnt have them out where i can see them, or not have them at all. well, last night when i went over guess where the stuffed animals were? in the same spot. he didnt move them at all. this is driving me crazy. is it too much to ask for? all i want is for his reminders of his exes to be gone. they are EXES as in past, as in he shouldnt even know their names anymore.
also another thing that bothers me a lot is that now and then he'll mention them. the other night we were looking for something to watch on his direct tv thing and hes like "oh that movie. blah blah its boring, one time when shannon was here we tried to watch it and looked at eachother and were like..no" shannon is his last gf that lived 200 miles away and he was only w/her for 2-3 months and he'd drive out to her..she'd drive out to him..u get it. i dont care to hear about some girl that he used to date that he'd drive 3 hrs for. there obviously must have been something special about her that he'd drive sooo far for her. and now and then hell mention Amy who was his longest relationship ever (10 months) back in flordia. at least shes a good full days worth of driving away. and the only reason him and amy broke up was because he moved. and him and shannon cuz of the distance. so they didnt break up for any real reasons. like..not cuz of problems. so i cant help but wonder if he'd still be with either one of them if they didnt live so far away. also, i feel like our relationship is not a bf/gf relationship, i feel more like we're just friends than hug and kiss now and then. i go to his house just about everyday and when i get there, i walk in and go to his room and we just sit next to eachother and watch tv or i watch him play video games. thats about it. then we lay down and fall asleep then i wake up and go home. we also dont use any of those cutesy couple terms or do anything cutesy. maybe im expecting too much from him. im basing this relationship on my past ones which were in highschool. he's so different from the others. the others, mainly casey, would constantly tell me that i looked good and that he loved me so much and we ALWAYS went out and he had no problem driving me and paying for me. ed isnt like that. we dont really compliment eachother or go out. i feel like im jsut someone to keep him company. i like to hang out with him, for the most part. but we're just so routine. its like we're an old married couple. is this what i have to look foward to???
i feel like im turning into my mom, a jealous person. she fills with rage at the thought of matt talking to his exes or girls and having anything that'll remind him of them. i dont want to be like this, and most of all, im sure Ed doesnt want me to be like this. hes kinda like that himself. hes not big on me talkin to guys. tonight since i cant go over hes having joe and kate come over (friends from school) and i dont know them..well i *may* know joe, but not kate. and having her be at his house is kinda pissin me off even though they wont be alone.
as usual, im probably over reacting to everything. im just paranoid like that. just why cant he be the overly affectionate, romantic bf that every girl dreams about?
also another thing that bothers me a lot is that now and then he'll mention them. the other night we were looking for something to watch on his direct tv thing and hes like "oh that movie. blah blah its boring, one time when shannon was here we tried to watch it and looked at eachother and were like..no" shannon is his last gf that lived 200 miles away and he was only w/her for 2-3 months and he'd drive out to her..she'd drive out to him..u get it. i dont care to hear about some girl that he used to date that he'd drive 3 hrs for. there obviously must have been something special about her that he'd drive sooo far for her. and now and then hell mention Amy who was his longest relationship ever (10 months) back in flordia. at least shes a good full days worth of driving away. and the only reason him and amy broke up was because he moved. and him and shannon cuz of the distance. so they didnt break up for any real reasons. like..not cuz of problems. so i cant help but wonder if he'd still be with either one of them if they didnt live so far away. also, i feel like our relationship is not a bf/gf relationship, i feel more like we're just friends than hug and kiss now and then. i go to his house just about everyday and when i get there, i walk in and go to his room and we just sit next to eachother and watch tv or i watch him play video games. thats about it. then we lay down and fall asleep then i wake up and go home. we also dont use any of those cutesy couple terms or do anything cutesy. maybe im expecting too much from him. im basing this relationship on my past ones which were in highschool. he's so different from the others. the others, mainly casey, would constantly tell me that i looked good and that he loved me so much and we ALWAYS went out and he had no problem driving me and paying for me. ed isnt like that. we dont really compliment eachother or go out. i feel like im jsut someone to keep him company. i like to hang out with him, for the most part. but we're just so routine. its like we're an old married couple. is this what i have to look foward to???
i feel like im turning into my mom, a jealous person. she fills with rage at the thought of matt talking to his exes or girls and having anything that'll remind him of them. i dont want to be like this, and most of all, im sure Ed doesnt want me to be like this. hes kinda like that himself. hes not big on me talkin to guys. tonight since i cant go over hes having joe and kate come over (friends from school) and i dont know them..well i *may* know joe, but not kate. and having her be at his house is kinda pissin me off even though they wont be alone.
as usual, im probably over reacting to everything. im just paranoid like that. just why cant he be the overly affectionate, romantic bf that every girl dreams about?