Long walks in the dark, through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who Im supposed to be.
Im cold. And I really need to buy more socks. Like ski crazy intense fleecy wooly socks made of warm heat compacting flame material. Yeah thats right.
Ive never written a 16 page paper before, and I now I have. Whoa.
Two more hermit crabs died =( That makes me sad.
God is kind of teaching me alot of things this week. This month. This year. If I were to look back at where I was a year ago, wow, I could not even recognize myself. A dirty scoundrel is what I was. Im so glad that His mercies and grace are so ever available to me. Sometimes I want to talk about something that I used to do, or how I used to be, and I just cant, because its wasnt long enough ago... and I dont want people to think that Im still like that. Not that I have secrets or something, but there is alot that people dont really know about, or even think that there would be to know about.
But what have I been learning? Well, honestly, so many things that its like whoa. Hmm. Kind of that its okay to be quiet. I always feel the urge to say things, to answer questions, and Ive been learning that its ok to let other people answer them, or talk. I mean this in relating to TnT kind of. Like audience questions about faith. I know its kind of a mix of me being quiet and the assurance that its ok. haha. I dont really know how to explain it. I think it might have to do with CAWNY. I was always just expected to answer during chapel or class or something. Like, oh just dont worry about it, if no one else will, Alissa will. On the other side of things, I think that I have important things to say, but it takes me extra time to process them into speaking ready words. If that makes sense. I am better at writing or something than speaking. I like to think about things. Not all the time, but most of the time. Sometimes I get frustrated that the speaker moves on right away, because usually I have something Im trying to get out.
Another thing that Ive been thinking about lately, well.. I often have this thought in my head: "More has to be done!" Say for example, a friend is suffering and starting down the wrong path, and Ive done all that I can think to do, and I feel kind of stressed out over it, feeling like their soul rests on what I can do for them. And thats completely untrue. COMPLETELY. I am like the last measure. Im pretty sure God has it under control, and He has that person in His hand, watching them and loving them in wayyy better ways than I ever could, and He really doesnt need my help. So in essence, I have been stressing out over things that I have NOOO control over. Haha. So God's just been kind of gently reminding me of His loving power and control.
So the words power and control might seem pretty harsh to some, but I really think they are comforting. It means that I know that I cant do it on my own, and that I know that He has my best interests in mind.
Hmm. Ok. well its 4 am. and I need to wake up soon, and Im not even sleeping yet. So I better get on that.
Thanks for reading my ramblings at 4am. Ha. Love you. And I dont even think anyone reads this. So... Love... me?
Ok. night.
-Arissa-
Ive never written a 16 page paper before, and I now I have. Whoa.
Two more hermit crabs died =( That makes me sad.
God is kind of teaching me alot of things this week. This month. This year. If I were to look back at where I was a year ago, wow, I could not even recognize myself. A dirty scoundrel is what I was. Im so glad that His mercies and grace are so ever available to me. Sometimes I want to talk about something that I used to do, or how I used to be, and I just cant, because its wasnt long enough ago... and I dont want people to think that Im still like that. Not that I have secrets or something, but there is alot that people dont really know about, or even think that there would be to know about.
But what have I been learning? Well, honestly, so many things that its like whoa. Hmm. Kind of that its okay to be quiet. I always feel the urge to say things, to answer questions, and Ive been learning that its ok to let other people answer them, or talk. I mean this in relating to TnT kind of. Like audience questions about faith. I know its kind of a mix of me being quiet and the assurance that its ok. haha. I dont really know how to explain it. I think it might have to do with CAWNY. I was always just expected to answer during chapel or class or something. Like, oh just dont worry about it, if no one else will, Alissa will. On the other side of things, I think that I have important things to say, but it takes me extra time to process them into speaking ready words. If that makes sense. I am better at writing or something than speaking. I like to think about things. Not all the time, but most of the time. Sometimes I get frustrated that the speaker moves on right away, because usually I have something Im trying to get out.
Another thing that Ive been thinking about lately, well.. I often have this thought in my head: "More has to be done!" Say for example, a friend is suffering and starting down the wrong path, and Ive done all that I can think to do, and I feel kind of stressed out over it, feeling like their soul rests on what I can do for them. And thats completely untrue. COMPLETELY. I am like the last measure. Im pretty sure God has it under control, and He has that person in His hand, watching them and loving them in wayyy better ways than I ever could, and He really doesnt need my help. So in essence, I have been stressing out over things that I have NOOO control over. Haha. So God's just been kind of gently reminding me of His loving power and control.
So the words power and control might seem pretty harsh to some, but I really think they are comforting. It means that I know that I cant do it on my own, and that I know that He has my best interests in mind.
Hmm. Ok. well its 4 am. and I need to wake up soon, and Im not even sleeping yet. So I better get on that.
Thanks for reading my ramblings at 4am. Ha. Love you. And I dont even think anyone reads this. So... Love... me?
Ok. night.
-Arissa-